11 Seemingly Polite Phrases Passive-Aggressive People Use When They Really Don't Like Someone
Bricolage | Shutterstock While some people are openly condescending and mean to people they don’t like, passive-aggressive individuals tend to hide their hostility in seemingly polite, unsuspecting phrases and behaviors. Much like gaslighting tendencies, passive-aggressiveness confuses and disorients their targets, often to protect the comfort and self-image of the person offering it.
Many of the seemingly polite phrases passive-aggressive people use when they really don’t like someone come across as normal, but the tone and facial expressions that accompany them are telling. They subtly sabotage people’s happiness and aim to chip away at their self-esteem over time, so they can avoid having to apologize or take accountability.
Here are 11 seemingly polite phrases passive-aggressive people use when they really don’t like someone:
1. ‘That’s interesting’
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When someone doesn’t like you and wants attention back on themselves, you’ll often hear phrases like “anyway” and “that’s interesting.” These phrases might seem polite, but their tone of voice and presence tell a more invalidating, dismissive, and disconnected story.
Whether you’re talking about yourself, sharing an accomplishment, or simply trying to connect with someone over shared experiences, if they’re clearly disconnected and distracted, using phrases like this, they’re not worthy of your attention.
2. ‘Good for you’
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Many of the seemingly polite passive-aggressive phrases people use are crafted by someone’s tone of voice. If a person is clearly engaged, attentive, and empathetic, you’ll easily be able to tell the difference between the phrase “good for you” being genuine and when it’s more cruel.
In fact, in many cases, someone’s tone of voice is more important than the words they’re saying, according to psychologist Rick Hanson. From dismissiveness to general disengagement, if someone’s passive-aggressive, you’ll notice it first in their non-verbal cues and communication.
3. ‘That’s one way to do it’
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Especially when offered with an annoyed tone or dismissive body language, someone who uses a phrase like this one is being passive-aggressive. They don’t care to help you. They’re only interested in making you feel more isolated and frustrated.
As a study from Frontiers in Psychology explains, compared to active aggression, passive-aggressiveness is often characterized by a lack of support or general inactivity. So, if someone’s struggling or doing something the wrong way, using phrases like “that’s one way to do it” instead of stepping in to help is a clear sign someone’s being hurtful and doesn't like you.
4. ‘I wouldn’t, but you do you’
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Instead of offering advice, supporting people, and accepting that they’re not always right, passive-aggressive people often use phrases like “I wouldn’t, but you do you” when they really don’t like someone. They’re not interested in offering wisdom or supporting someone, but judging and criticizing them to make themselves feel more powerful.
While these kinds of people, who usually have narcissistic tendencies, seem to operate from a place of superiority and cling to a grandiose sense of self, these kinds of passive behaviors and phrases remind us that they’re actually incredibly insecure, as a study from NYU explains.
5. ‘Bless your heart’
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While this is a Southern flair to passive-aggressive classics, “bless your heart” is far from the seemingly polite phrase it looks like on paper. When someone says “bless your heart,” it’s often condescending and inherently rude. They’re essentially saying “you have no idea what you’re talking about” or “you don’t deserve my attention” without literally saying it.
Of course, that’s for a reason. Passive-aggressive people hide their cruelty and meanness with these passive phrases so they don’t have to own up to being hurtful. They can hide behind the veil of misleading “kindness” and “jokes” to protect their own self-image from being attacked.
6. ‘It’s just a joke’
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Instead of taking accountability and apologizing when they hurt someone’s feelings, whether it’s intentional or not, passive-aggressive people often backtrack and use phrases like “It’s just a joke” to gaslight people into taking blame. Especially when they really don’t like someone, they’re not interested in making them feel better.
In fact, phrases like “I’m just joking” or “I’m just an honest person” are usually just a cover-up for mean people to spread cruelty. It protects them from having to take the blame, while still offering the same kind of hurt they’re intended to spread to others.
7. ‘Must be nice’
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According to a study from Personality and Individual Differences, many insecure people struggling with low self-worth have a number of biases about social rejection. From believing that the world is “out to get them” to blaming others for their own shame and discomfort, it’s not surprising that insecure people are more likely to use passive-aggressive phrases like “must be nice.”
They refuse to be happy for others and celebrate their success, because it feels like one more misguidedly reaffirming reminder that they can’t have it for themselves. Of course, many of these seemingly polite passive-aggressive phrases have nothing to do with their target and everything to do with the inner turmoil of the person using them.
8. ‘I thought you already knew’
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When someone brings up a rumor, a mean statement, or gossip that directly harms you without consideration, they’re often doing it on purpose. They might try to perform politeness with a phrase like “I thought you already knew” or “don’t shoot the messenger,” but in reality, sharing this negative energy is an intentional choice.
While a good friend might offer this news kindly or provide a solution that aims to support you emotionally, these passive-aggressive people are often blunt, cold, and disconnected from how it makes you feel.
9. ‘I’ll keep that in mind’
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Especially when paired with a laugh or a dismissive tone, a seemingly polite phrase like “I’ll keep that in mind” can actually be someone’s way to express cruelty or condescension. Dismissive people always have to be right, and even when someone makes a good point or corrects them in good taste, they’re immediately on the defensive.
By ignoring someone’s comments or dismissing the validity of their statements, even if it’s with a dismissive attitude, they aim to protect their own security and self-image.
10. ‘It’s fine’
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People who are constantly operating from a place of insecurity and trying to protect their social image often hide their true feelings or avoid conversations that make them “look bad.” Even when they’re actively harming someone or gaslighting a person for expressing their needs, they rely on passive phrases like “it’s fine” and “I’m not offended by you” as an escape.
They don’t care to open up and be vulnerable in ways that strengthen the relationship if they really don’t like someone, even if leaning into the discomfort of these conversations is necessary for connectedness and peace.
11. ‘Sorry you feel that way’
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Instead of taking accountability for hurting someone or supporting someone’s emotions when they make an unintentional mistake, passive-aggressive people rely on phrases like “Sorry you feel that way.” They focus on the emotions of other people, subtly blaming them for feeling how they feel, and avoiding any sense of accountability on their own behalf.
While these phrases can feel hurtful and invalidating in the moment, there’s something comforting about knowing that a person’s avoidance of things like vulnerability, openness, or accountability only amplifies the hurt and insecurity they’re already feeling inside, at least according to a study from the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
