7 Traits Of Condescending People — And 18 Sharp Responses To Stop Them Cold
Some rudeness needs to be immediately cut down.
Xhemi Photo | Canva People with condescending behavior can turn one quick conversation into an entire bad day. Whether it’s their tone of voice or the belittling comments they have made, dealing with condescending people can be challenging. Sometimes deciding if a person is actually being condescending or if it’s all in your head is difficult.
Most people would rather give the person the benefit of the doubt than jump to conclusions. A couple of great tools you can use include the ability to recognize the signs of a condescending person and some good comebacks you can use to put them in their place.
Here are 7 traits of condescending people:
1. They lack emotional intelligence
Condescending people are sometimes unaware of how they make people feel. In their mind, their condescending remarks are completely normal, and their lack of emotional intelligence keeps them from seeing any other point of view.
Research on human emotion described emotional intelligence as "the ability to carry out accurate reasoning about emotions and the ability to use emotions and emotional knowledge to enhance thought." The study explored the impact of emotional intelligence on social outcomes, performance, and psychological and physical well-being. The lower on the scale of emotional intelligence, the worse the outcomes.
2. They have a superiority complex
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Dealing with a condescending person requires a lot of patience. They feel superior to others, and people don’t dare to stand up to them. They make others feel inferior, but don’t care.
Psychotherapist Christina Steinorth-Powell explained, "To think this way means holding an unrealistic view of their abilities, characteristics, and accomplishments, and may even have a superiority complex. Whether it's lacking humility, disregarding the feelings or thoughts of others, or having a sense of entitlement, these traits lead to complacency, hindrance of personal growth, and put a strain on their personal relationships."
3. They do not choose their words carefully
When interacting with other people, context is everything. They say things that are abrasive without apology. Condescending people fail to read the room and have problems deciding what is appropriate to say.
A study of condenscending behaviors explored "competence-questioning behaviors when enacted by men toward women in the workplace and how women react toward them. The results demonstrated that when faced with a condescending explanation, voice nonrecognition, or interruption, women reacted more negatively and were more likely to see the behavior as indicative of gender bias when the communicator was a man."
4. They are know-it-alls
People who condescend to others think they are the smartest people in the room. They interrupt you when you are speaking to correct things like your pronunciation or recollections. They assume they know more than you and should enlighten you.
Dr. Akshad Singi, M.D., explained how "society is filled with fake smart people. And it's obvious why. People want to feel smart. They want the respect, admiration, and attention that all come with being smart. But they don’t want to put in the work it takes to actually be smart. So what do they do? Consciously or subconsciously, they find ways to appear smart without actually being smart.
5. They discount your feelings
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One of the most hurtful things condescending people do is tell you how to feel. If you’re upset about something, they might tell you it’s not a big deal and tell you to move on. Condescending people have no desire to work through your feelings.
Professor Ronald Riggio, Ph.D., described a person with a low emotional quotient, "Low-EQ individuals are often somewhat aware of it and will, therefore, downplay the importance of emotions, saying that what matters is cool, calm logic, and cognition. Don’t be fooled: Emotions are not only an important part of communication and relationship development, but they are also critical for effective thinking, particularly when it comes to dealing with crises or risks."
6. They can never get your name right
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If you find yourself in conversation with a person who makes no effort whatsoever to pronounce or spell your name right, they are acting condescending towards you. Other ways they may show their lack of respect are by reducing you to gender specific nicknames like “sweetheart” or “bro.”
A study of derogatory group labeling showed how these labels affect cognitive accessibility, influence the perception of the targeted individual, and strengthen intergroup biases. These labels can negatively affect the "well-being of the targeted individual by eliciting negative affect, self-directed prejudice, and worries of non-conformity."
7. They are self-important
Condescending individuals often take pride in their connections and accomplishments. They may try to one-up you when you talk about something you achieved. They feel that your wins are trivial and pale in comparison to their successes.
Self-enhancing statements can give useful information but often imply superiority, so researchers asked, "When do people dislike self-enhancers?" Their results showed the study's participants "disliked the self-enhancer more and were more likely to deem the self-enhancing claim to be a brag when the self-enhancing claim was manipulated to be a claim of superiority."
Being talked down to is one of the most disrespectful things you can encounter, so you need to be ready with a comeback to put them in their place.
Here are 20 sharp responses to stop condescending people cold:
1. Putting other people down is a clear sign of insecurity, you know.
2. Don't shorten my straw to make yours look longer.
3. Hurt people hurt people. Don't forget that.
4. It’s really hilarious how you talk down to people, and yet everyone looks down on you.
5. Wow! You are really important... in your own head.
6. Are you aware of the way you speak to people?
7. Clearly, they skipped you when handing out emotional intelligence.
8. Reading the room is not one of your strong suits, is it?
9. I'd rather chew bricks than talk to you.
10. Be quiet. Adults are speaking right now.
11. Has anyone ever told you how condescending you are?
12. You should learn to treat people the way you want to be treated.
13. Really successful People don't need to brag about it.
14. I'm sorry you feel so insecure about your own life. You should work on that.
15. Are you being mean on purpose?
16. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you didn't know how offensive that comment is.
17. You’re making yourself look pretty insecure right now.
18. Please bless us with your insight, oh Great One!
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
