People Who Take Everything Personally Tend To Share These 11 Heavy Traits, According To Psychology
Some people just can't resist their defensive tendencies.
Tkachev Dmitry | Shutterstock Most can agree there's no worse annoyance than seeing people who take everything personally get offended so easily. With their highly perfectionist tendencies and inability to control their emotions, it's safe to say that people who take everything personally tend to share similar heavy traits, according to psychology. It might not be intentional, but those who take everything personally can't help but engage in these behaviors.
They can't help but project because they feel like someone is secretly judging them. They can't even accept criticism because their low self-confidence might become nonexistent. Unfortunately, people who take everything personally are always on the defense, making it much harder for them to find happiness. That being said, what traits do they share that make them this way in the first place?
People who take everything personally tend to share these heavy traits, according to psychology:
1. They can't handle criticism
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Most people would prefer to avoid constructive feedback if it meant saving their egos. But people who take everything personally struggle with handling constructive feedback more than the average person. Call it ego or being hard-headed, regardless, it doesn't change the fact that those who can't handle criticism are bound to be unevolved.
As Dr. Christine Korol, Ph. D., put it, "Remember, not all criticism is a bad thing. It's an opportunity to learn and grow." Being unable to accept others' suggestions and adjust accordingly often means being unable to view oneself realistically. It means refusing to see oneself and all its flaws and finding productive ways to address them to prevent the same mistakes from happening again.
That being said, it doesn't have to remain this way forever. While people can't change how they feel about what was said, this doesn't mean they must reject it altogether. By changing one's mindset, they can view it not as a threat to their ego, but as a way to better themselves and become even more skilled. Unfortunately, those who take everything personally can never handle pushback as it threatens their ego, causing them to snap. As Leon F Seltzer, PhD, said, many people need to soften the blow through defensiveness.
2. They have low self-esteem
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Some people are born confident and don't find themselves lacking self-esteem. However, people who take everything personally tend to have pretty low self-esteem. Having low self-esteem is one of the most difficult struggles to deal with. Unlike others, those who have low self-esteem wake up feeling unconfident and go to sleep feeling completely depleted.
As a result, they lash out at others because deep down inside, they're deathly afraid of being judged and having their already low self-esteem completely non-existent.
Lecturer and author Gregg Levoy explained, "We defend ourselves not because we feel wrongfully accused. We're afraid our accuser might be right, confirming our judgments of ourselves." Even so, it doesn't have to remain this way forever. There are active ways for people who take everything personally to improve their self-esteem.
For starters, limiting social media will make it much easier to prevent people from drawing upward comparisons. Additionally, seeking professional help, hanging out with positive influences, and exercising are all great ways to improve their self-esteem healthily and steadily.
3. They're indecisive and overthink everything
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There's no greater frustration than feeling as if someone has the correct answer, only for them to spend the next thirty minutes overthinking their answer, effectively choosing to remain silent instead. However, people who take everything personally tend to be unsure and, as a result, overthink everything.
Overthinking isn't as simple as stopping and getting over those anxious thoughts. People who overthink are often unconfident and spend too much time thinking about how to make others happy. This often leads them to feel uncertain and anxious about what they should do next, causing them to lash out.
This isn't great, as a 2016 study cited that those with elevated anxiety are increasingly more likely to experience a wide range of health problems, such as cardiovascular, autoimmune, and neurodegenerative diseases. So, if someone is unsure, they can always simplify things. For instance, they can always discuss their thoughts with those around them if they struggle to pick between three things. By saying, "Hey, I'm struggling, but I think we can eat at either this place or that place," they can express their thoughts while simultaneously relaxing their mind.
4. They crave approval from others
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Everyone knows at least one person who desperately needs approval from others. From seeking approval from their friends or parents, people who take everything seriously tend to be the ones who have this heavy trait. In the past, they might've been dismissed, heavily criticized, or felt invisible by those around them.
As they got older, people who take everything seriously most likely developed a deep desire to be loved, causing them to desperately seek the approval of those around them. At first, it started off with small things: asking about their opinions or what they think.
But the thing with desperately needing the approval of others is that this need is bound to get worse. Professor of psychology Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD, ABPP, explained that those who need approval will almost always neglect their own needs and thoughts, costing them their relationships. This is why it's important to seek professional help. As much as they'd like to think everything is fine, uprooting this heavy trait can't be done with thoughts and prayers alone. Sometimes, professional help is needed.
5. They are emotionally unstable
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There's no greater concern than someone who's emotionally unstable. With their delusional way of thinking combined with their inability to see reason, it is no wonder that people who take everything personally tend to share the heavy trait of being emotionally unstable.
People who take everything personally don't know how to remain calm, cool, and collected in the face of hardships. They might try to, but without fail, those who are unstable will always revert to their old ways due to their inability to have control over their own instincts.
This is bad, as Harvard Health cited that people who are emotionally dysregulated tend to have poorer mental and physical health. Despite this, people who take everything personally will almost always refuse to better themselves and get help, causing their friendships and relationships to fall apart.
6. They have a victim mentality
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We live in a world where people who take everything personally tend to have a victim mentality. It's sad to see, but people who take everything personally could rob a bank and still manage to make their actions somehow somebody else's problem. Yet, despite what they might think, doing this only hurts them in the long run.
Positive psychiatrist Samantha Boardman, M.D., explained, "If we fixate on how we have been wronged, we become stuck in the past and awash in grievances." However, this isn't the only thing to worry about. Sure, they might not truly develop and grow as a person, but they never have a relationship because of their inability to view themselves realistically. That will surely cause some damage.
As much as people who take everything personally will try to deny it, there's no dismissing the fact that most friends or potential partners will be completely turned off by their habit of blaming others, which causes these types of people to become increasingly lonely.
7. They're perfectionists
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It should go without saying that people who take everything personally tend to share the heavy trait of being highly perfectionistic. After all, only people who have unrealistic standards about themselves struggle to accept and deal with criticism or pushback. However, this behavior will only end in disaster for most people.
Like it or not, being a perfectionist is bound to come with its own set of drawbacks. According to a study in 2022, people who are perfectionists have an increased risk of stress, leading to social anxiety. Despite this, people who are highly perfectionists just can't help themselves; that tiny voice of insecurity pushes back and reminds them their expectations must be met, even at the cost of their own health.
This is why finding ways to ground themselves is important. While they won't always be down for a therapy session, at the bare minimum, meditation, journaling, and talking to close loved ones can put things into better perspective as their nervous system can better calm down.
8. They can't let go of the past
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No one enjoys reminiscing about the old times. Yet, people who take everything personally tend to share the heavy trait of having difficulty letting go. Most of these people have felt the sting of their eyes as they glanced at the clock and realized they spent hours thinking about the past, when they could've been getting proper sleep.
It's unfortunate, but letting go of the past isn't as easy as pushing a button. If it were, then maybe people wouldn't take everything so personally. They wouldn't get so offended, thinking that everything correlated to their past has something to do with them and their mistakes.
Unfortunately, this doesn't appear to be the case as they can't learn to let things go, causing unspeakable damage in the long run. Psychiatrist Abigail Brenner, M.D., "When you won’t let go, you prevent yourself from experiencing life in an expansive and abundant way." This is why it's important to seek professional help. While it might be uncomfortable, healing is the best way to build a beautiful life filled with ease rather than tension.
9. They lack boundaries
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Most people who take everything personally tend to share the heavy trait of lacking boundaries. Now, hearing this, many people might feel tempted to roll their eyes. After all, how often has someone heard the infamous, 'you lack boundaries' point before? Probably too many times to count, right?
Still, this doesn't change the fact that many people who take everything personally secretly lack boundaries. Maybe they cannot say no, or their people-pleasing ways, either way, their inability to put their foot down often puts them in a position of high stress, causing them to lash out.
To avoid this, it's important that people who take everything personally self-reflect and find ways to set small boundaries. For instance, refusing to text after a certain time or saying 'sorry, it's too last minute,' on favors are perfect ways to establish personal boundaries slowly.
10. They project their issues onto other people
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There's no worse trait than finding someone who can't help but self-project on everything. Someone could be discussing something completely unrelated to them, and still, they'll always find a way to get offended. Yet, people who take everything personally just can't help themselves; it's in their nature to project.
Unfortunately, many people who haven't done the inner work likely haven't healed or forgiven themselves for their past mistakes. And while they'd like to think these mistakes are behind them, the truth is that mistakes and insecurities have a way of presenting themselves at every turn.
If they don't deal with it, it'll slowly eat at them until they begin to project on everything. From healthy relationships to unrelated conversations, people who take everything personally are bound to snap if they don't do the inner work to heal.
11. They have past trauma they haven't healed from
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Finally, people who take everything personally tend to share the heavy trait of past trauma they haven't healed from. They don't like to reflect on their trauma, and they certainly don't want to think about it. However, trauma has a way of manifesting itself in the smallest of ways.
To feel triggered by something completely unrelated to being a perfectionist, trauma has a way of tying itself to every part of their life that seems to be a problem. Not only does this impact their mental health, but it also destroys the relationships of those closest to them.
Instead of opening up or expressing that vulnerability, people who take everything personally will snap or distance themselves when they're feeling triggered or provoked. This is why it's important to seek professional help. Otherwise, it'll only get worse.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
