People Who Don't Pay Attention To Anything You Say Almost Always Say These 11 Phrases When They Talk To You
Estrada Anton | Shutterstock Feeling heard and validated by other people in social interactions is a basic human need, as a PLOS One study suggests, which is why being around people who refuse to listen or pay attention is so harmful. We not only experience a certain level of social pain, but also the symptoms of ostracization and irritability from having to beg for the bare minimum.
These people's body language and nonverbal cues might be subtle, but people who don't pay attention to anything you say almost always say certain phrases when they talk to you that give themselves away. It's not only rude, but can also be indicative of their lack of intelligence.
People who don't pay attention to anything you say almost always say these 11 phrases when they talk to you
1. 'Wait, what?'
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While it might seem like a fleeting sense of positivity or bonding, the truth is that feeling heard in passing conversations and relationships truly boosts our psychological well-being and the foundations of our connections with other people. The more people actively listen to us, the more emotionally safe and secure we feel.
However, people who don't pay attention to anything you say almost always say phrases like "Wait, what?" when they talk to you. They may be making eye contact or offering some reaffirming nonverbal cues, but they're not actually listening, and it's clear when they have to constantly ask you to repeat yourself.
2. 'Anyway'
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When someone uses a phrase like "anyway" to change the course of a conversation, usually away from you and back onto themselves, they're not paying attention to anything you say. They're more worried about desperately seeking out the attention and validation they personally need to care what you have to say.
From waiting for topics they know something about to tuning in when you give them a chance to speak about themselves, it's clear that they're only in it for the external attention and praise.
3. 'That happened to me'
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While the need to feel "seen" is a human instinct, when attention-seeking behaviors are driven by low self-esteem, it can often manifest in uncomfortable, disengaging ways. From using phrases like "that happened to me" to flip attention in conversations back to themselves or bragging about accomplishments and connections, these people can't stand to actively listen without thinking about their own validation.
When they're listening to someone speak or observing a conversation, they're not brainstorming questions or making eye contact to make someone feel comfortable. They're waiting for their own turn to speak.
4. 'That's interesting'
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Even for people already grappling with social isolation and loneliness in other parts of their lives, having a really good conversation with someone who's actively listening to what they have to say can truly mend some of those all-encompassing symptoms and make them feel more connected, according to a study from Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
However, when someone refuses to actively listen in favor of their own voice or being the center of attention, using phrases like "that's interesting" to fake presence, it can leave us feeling unfulfilled and further rejected. They're half-listening to everyone all the time, usually because they're too caught up in what they're going to say next, instead of simply listening for understanding.
5. 'You're overthinking it'
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People who don't pay attention to anything you say, and instead protect their own attention and effort, often say things like "you're overthinking it" when you express emotions. They'd prefer to dismiss your emotions and make you feel invalidated than craft a space to support you.
While these moments in conversations can feel passively annoying and subtle in the moment, a study from Anxiety, Stress, & Coping argues that this emotional invalidation can actually bring more negativity into your life. These small moments aren't just mundane conversations, but misguided connections that affect how you embrace yourself and others for the rest of the day.
We're all looking for connection and belonging in our interactions, whether we realize it or not. It's a basic human need. So, when someone overlooks our validation and makes space for our voices, in favor of their own selfishness and attention, it can have serious consequences.
6. 'Hold on'
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If someone consistently checks their phone during a conversation or uses a phrase like "hold on" to answer a phone call while you're speaking, chances are they don't care very much about what you have to say.
Not only does the distraction of a cell phone negatively impact the value of whatever you're talking about, but its mere presence can also distract people without them even realizing it. It takes away the kind of attention and presence people need to feel seen in their conversations and replaces it with frustration.
7. 'Did you see what I sent you?'
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If someone's always following up on their interests and needs but actively disengaging from and ignoring your own, chances are they care more about feeling seen than offering that attention back to you. They want to feel important, even if that comes at the expense of healthy conversations and balanced interactions.
While there are certainly conversations that the average person seeks to avoid with diverting phrases like this one, usually, when someone's not paying attention, they don't realize how abruptly they're cutting someone off or changing the topic. They're too focused on their own need for attention to realize they're making someone else feel invisible.
8. 'I don't really have time for this'
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Despite always making time to talk about themselves, the second a conversation shifts away from them, people who don't pay attention to anything use phrases like "I don't really have time for this." Whether it's a way to feel important or to shift all the attention back to them, they prefer to leave conversations when they don't offer them something emotionally.
While this arrogance is often rewarded in our society's institutions, in personal conversations and relationships, it can chip away at trust and bonds quickly.
9. 'I already know that'
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To feel more important, intelligent, and well-connected than they actually are, an insecure person often relies on phrases like "I already know that" to shift conversations back to themselves. They don't want people to feel excited sharing their success or teaching them something new, so they seek control by trying to seem smarter than they actually are.
People who don't pay attention to anything you say almost always say these phrases when they talk to you. They're inherently transactional, so even if the average person would listen and affirm the person they're conversing with, these people shut them down if they're not getting anything of "value" in return.
10. 'I was listening'
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Even if everything about their body language, nonverbal cues, and presence tells you that someone's not paying attention to what you're saying, an insecure, narcissistic person will still use phrases like "I was listening" to defend themselves. They're incapable of being "wrong," so they double down on their misbehavior and avoid apologizing, even if it comes at the expense of healthy connections.
Sometimes, these people even say things like "don't worry, I'm listening" when they actively have their phone in their hand. They're gaslighting you into believing that your concerns are invalid and that their behavior is perfectly acceptable and normal, even when your emotions feel overlooked.
11. 'You're fine'
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When an insecure person is afraid of shifting attention from themselves, addressing conflicts and concerns, or even embracing an element of vulnerability in their conversations, they may resort to belittling and invalidating behaviors to feel more secure and "in control."
They prefer to shrug off someone's concerns or use phrases like "you're fine" when they speak about their emotions, rather than open up and create a safe space for them to speak. From poor emotional regulation skills to low self-esteem, and sometimes even unresolved childhood trauma, these dismissive behaviors can be rooted in a variety of things, but they all work to make people feel unheard and unimportant.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
