People Who Overthink Pretty Much Everything Almost Always Say These 10 Phrases When They Talk To You
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Even though we largely normalize anxiety and chronic stress in our culture, especially as more young people struggle with social anxiety and the pressure to “do it all,” there are certain overthinking habits and thought spirals that should be addressed. For example, people who overthink pretty much everything almost always say certain phrases when they talk to you that remind us that they’re only worried about how they’re being perceived.
They’re not present in building a connection or actively listening to others, but living inside their head, trying to cope with anxious thought spirals and insecurity that feels like a personal attack. The better you are at recognizing these phrases, both in yourself and others, the more grounded and safe you can feel in social interactions and conversations.
People who overthink pretty much everything almost always say these 10 phrases when they talk to you
1. ‘What did you mean by that?’
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Many people who are constantly worried about how they’re being perceived in conversations will read deeply into things like nonverbal cues, body language, and passing phrases to “decode” what other people are feeling. Not only does this encourage a spiral of anxiety and shame in a person’s mind, it can also disconnect them from conversations and amplify social isolation.
The more caught up a person is in how they’re being perceived or whether or not people like them, the less present and authentic they are in the moment. Even seemingly harmless phrases like “What did you mean by that?” are a reminder that a person is overthinking and living in their mind.
2. ‘I can’t stop replaying that conversation’
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There’s an incredibly fine line between rumination and self-reflection. According to a study published in the Advances in Social Cognition journal, if you’re using rumination to bridge the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, it can sometimes be helpful for boosting motivation and personal growth.
However, if it’s only a means of torturing yourself with shame and fixating on your insecurities, it’s only causing a cycle of anxiety and psychological turmoil. That’s why people who overuse phrases like “I can’t stop replaying that conversation in my head” should be wary of how often they’re fixating on the past and replaying conversations.
3. ‘Do you think that sounded weird?’
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People who overthink pretty much everything almost always say phrases like “Do you think that sounded weird?” when they talk to you. They’re not only reading into other people’s language, phrases, and nonverbal cues, but also second-guessing and judging their own.
Of course, as a study published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal explains, the more people judge themselves, the worse they end up feeling. Self-criticism is the quickest way to sabotage self-esteem, and without it, they’ll always be operating from a place of uncertainty, insecurity, and shame.
4. ‘Are you mad at me?’
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If someone’s prone to overthinking, especially about things they’ve said or other people’s responses, they’re likely to ask questions like “Are you mad at me?” constantly. They’re always reflecting on how they could’ve been better and the regrets of the past, and struggle to move forward when they’ve made a mistake.
Even when it comes to natural, healthy arguments that are inevitable in most relationships, they’re always looking back on their words and behaviors with a hypercritical, judgmental eye.
5. ‘You seem off’
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According to a study published in the PLOS One journal, this hypervigilance, awareness, and empathy of how other people are feeling all the time is commonly associated with unresolved childhood trauma. Kids who spend their lives tiptoeing around parents and walking on eggshells at home bring that same anxiety into their adult relationships and interactions.
That’s why phrases like “you seem off” and “Are you feeling okay?” are common amongst these individuals who overthink everything. They’re so used to people-pleasing and protecting the peace that even someone’s body language can trigger feelings of uncertainty and danger.
6. ‘I just want to make sure’
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Second-guessing themselves and over-apologizing are second nature for people who struggle with anxiety about how they’re being perceived. They’re always overthinking their language, their clothing, their appearance, and a million other things all at the same time, so it’s not uncommon for them to “double-check” on other people to make sure they’re doing the right things.
Whether it’s saying the right things in a work meeting or wearing the right kinds of clothing when they go out with their friends, people who overthink pretty much everything almost always say phrases like “I just want to make sure:” when talking to you.
7. ‘I’m so sorry’
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While over-apologizing tendencies are often rooted in an anxiety of how someone is perceived, experts like psychologist Greg Chasson argue that they actually harm relationships and create more damage. Not only do they place a burden on others to reassure an anxious person, but they also sabotage the emotional balance someone feels in a relationship to be fully open and vulnerable.
People who overthink pretty much everything almost always say these phrases when they talk to you, because their anxiety brings up self-consciousness and insecurity that they immediately need to find a way to cope with.
8. ‘I can’t relax until I know’
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Fretting and overthinking even the most basic phrases and decisions is common for people who operate from a place of anxiety. Their nervous systems are stuck in a mode of “fight or flight,” making every small thing feel like a personal attack or mistake.
They’re hyper vigilant to how they’re being perceived in every way, so you’ll often hear things like “I can’t relax until I know” and “I’m worried about what they’ll say” in casual conversations. Even small things and conversations feel like a threat of danger when they’re stuck in this state, which leaves them feeling easily drained and exhausted, managing their anxiety.
9. ‘Maybe I’m just reading into it too much’
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Whether it’s worrying about a random comment in a work meeting or being nervous about how you’re being perceived by others, many naturally anxious people are constantly thinking about others instead of themselves. Rooted in insecurity and self-consciousness, they’re always saying things like “Maybe I’m just reading into it too much” to further criticize their worries.
Experts also suggest that the majority of things you ruminate about aren’t actually real issues. Nobody is thinking about or perceiving you as harshly as you’re criticizing yourself.
10. ‘I just have a really weird feeling’
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Especially for people who have chronically anxious thought patterns and stress in their routines, it’s not uncommon for them to hold these feelings in their physical bodies. From sweaty palms to a racing heart, anxiety often exists in the body before it’s acknowledged as a thought in the brain or verbalized out loud.
So, it’s not surprising that people who overthink pretty much everything almost always say phrases like “I just have a weird feeling” when talking to you before being able to acknowledge what they’re worried about. From taking on the stress of uncertainty to struggling to anticipate how someone will respond to their vulnerability, no “stone goes unturned” in their mind when they’re anxious.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
