People Who Don’t Feel Acknowledged Or Cared For Often Display These 7 Subtle Behaviors, Says Psychology
When someone doesn't feel loved, it doesn't always come out in words.
Leila De Haan | Unsplash You're a great person. Trouble is, you don't realize it. You're too busy undermining your worth so much that you're not questioning how others treat you. In your eyes, people don't acknowledge or care for you because a) you think you deserve it, or b) you think you keep having "bad luck."
But it's not bad luck. A lack of boundaries and people-pleasing are signs of low confidence. Having no self-respect means putting everyone and anything before yourself. Abandonment, trauma, or neglect can cause a lack of self-respect. And if you notice any of the following behaviors, you may feel unloved by the people around you.
People who don’t feel acknowledged or cared for often display these seven subtle behaviors, says psychology:
1. They act like doormats
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All that negative self-talk is taking years of your life. If you're the one that people always ask things of without giving back anything in return, you're what they call a "doormat."
Do people get away with murder when it comes to you? Are you frequently left picking up other people's messes? Do people just expect that "you'll do it?" If you answered yes, you've got no self-respect and are letting people walk all over you.
2. They have no boundaries
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Do you date people and then, in the process, completely forget who and what you are? Do your values go totally by the wayside with the new love interest, and do you find yourself doing things you wouldn't normally do? Are your friends commenting on how much you've changed — and not in a glowing manner?
You've forgotten who you are and have lost your identity because you have no self-respect. You need boundaries to stay true to who you are, but you won't set them. It's sad.
Losing yourself in a relationship, where your own needs, preferences, and identity become secondary to your partner's, can be a sign of feeling unacknowledged and uncared for. Relationship experts have concluded that healthy relationships balance connection with individuality, and self-sacrifice isn't necessary.
3. They do things for attention
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It's not unusual for you to stir the pot. You spread yourself too thin in an attempt to spread gossip. You will do whatever it takes to be the center of the spotlight — no matter how foolish or embarrassing.
Your self-esteem is so low that you can't help but gossip about your friends behind their backs. Talking bad about your friends won't provide you with feelings of belonging. All that gossip will only dig you deeper into your poor self-esteem hole.
4. They indulge bad habits in excess
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You're drinking, indulging, self-harming, and the list rolls on. You're punishing yourself and your body. You're down with a sickness that can hurt you.
There’s a difference between having low self-esteem and drinking yourself to death. You don't love yourself, much less care for yourself. You have zero self-respect for yourself and your life.
Excessive indulgence in unhealthy habits can be considered a maladaptive coping mechanism to deal with stress or difficult emotions arising from unmet needs. While a connection exists between unmet needs and unhealthy behaviors, a 2020 study cautioned that it's crucial to acknowledge that various factors can contribute to these patterns.
5. They go out of their way for people who wouldn't do the same for them
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You will move every single mountain for someone who wouldn't look you straight in the eye for one second if he or she had the chance. You will make excuse after excuse for someone who would throw you under the bus in a heartbeat.
You go out of your way for someone who would do nothing for you. That's a big sign of a complete and utter lack of self-respect that you don't feel cared for.
6. They tolerate abuse
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You tolerate abusive partners and nasty people because you somehow have bought into the idea that you deserve it. One or two times, they were nice to you, so what? Instead of focusing on all that they do each day, you keep remembering the one or two times they treated you nicely.
The writing is on the wall, though, and it's clear that these partners aren't kind to you. It's painful for your loved ones to see that you have such little self-respect for yourself and such little self-confidence.
Research shows that tolerating abuse often reflects a complex interplay of factors, including the dynamics of trauma bonding, low self-esteem, distorted self-perception, and a profound need for validation and acceptance. Breaking free from this cycle requires acknowledging the issue, rebuilding self-worth, setting healthy boundaries, and seeking support to heal from trauma and develop healthier coping mechanisms and relationship patterns.
7. They have a desperate energy about them
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A person who doesn't feel acknowledged or cared for often engages in desperate attempts to make someone else love her, even though that won't do the trick.
A person with no self-respect will be with someone because she forgets how to say no, forgets she has the right to say no, and doesn't have the strength to fight it.
To the person who has no self-respect: I know there's pain, heartache, and a story as to why you've lost that self-respect.
But I implore you, please: keep searching for the love you lost. The love you lost for yourself. You deserve it.
Laura Lifshitz writes about divorce, relationships, women's issues, and parenting for the New York Times, Women's Health, Working Mother, PopSugar, and more.
