5 Subtle Clues A Person Gives When They Secretly Don't Like You, According To Psychology
A person may be polite to your face but these clues reveal how they really feel.
Matheus Henrin | Canva Sometimes, even our closest friends can surprise us. Whether it be resentment or jealousy, one study suggested that there are often people in our lives who are secretly hoping the worst for us. So, if their behavior isn't outright noticeable, how can you pinpoint these naysayers to ensure that you protect your inner circle from sabotage and negative energy?
Psychology and relationship creator, @factsjunkyard on Instagram, suggests five behavioral signs indicate someone in your life “secretly dislikes” you. Once you start to notice some of these things, it’ll be impossible to ignore their true feelings towards you in every interaction you share.
Here are five subtle clues a person gives when they secretly don't like you, according to psychology:
1. They get easily frustrated with you
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If someone constantly seems irritable around you or tries to make you feel bad about anything you have to say, chances are they aren’t your biggest fan. This might be one of the easier signs to pick up, especially with someone you know relatively well, because it’s hard to hide frustration.
In addition to outright comments, frustration can also be expressed with something as subtle as a change in behavior. Experts suggest non-verbal cues like avoiding eye contact, crossing arms, or forcing a smile could all be signs of annoyance or frustration in someone who secretly dislikes you.
2. They constantly try to avoid you
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When you’re intentionally being avoided, especially in a relational or intimate context, it’s impossible not to feel that sting of envy or disappointment, especially when they’re engaging with others. It’s a feeling that many know all too well.
One study suggests that oftentimes, the reason we perceive others as “avoiding” us has nothing to do with ourselves at all and could be a sign of indifference. They don’t notice us or feel the need to interact with us because they don’t care to — or they don’t know who we are, despite our perception of them.
On the other hand, people often avoid based on “known perception” — where they anticipate something negative that they know about them or something they want from them, that they are trying to avoid. For example, if you flirted with someone you’re friends with and they weren’t necessarily interested, it might be easier for them to avoid the situation than to discuss it.
So, while this sign could be a secret dislike, there’s a possibility that it could just be a misunderstanding that requires some further conversation if you want to maintain a relationship with them.
3. Instead of paying attention, they listen to you half-heartedly
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We all know someone like this. We’re chatting with them, only to see them looking over our shoulder or making indifferent comments about our stories. They don’t care about what you have to say — you could simply walk away and they wouldn’t notice!
While it might seem like the most outright sign of being disliked, the truth is sometimes we let it “slide” for people we’re close with. For example, if our best friend isn’t fully listening to us or giving us their full attention, we might make excuses — they have a lot on their mind, a big test coming up, or are trying to make dinner.
Would you provide that same grace on a first date? Or with a stranger that you’ve never met? Consider that the next time you feel like you’re fighting for attention with someone that you love or care about.
Research argues that listening is a complex skill, and various factors can influence whether or not someone is attentive. There are many reasons why someone might not be fully engaged in a conversation, including distraction, difficulty concentrating, or even underlying personality traits that impact their ability to listen.
4. They don’t make any effort to understand or empathize with you
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If you believe in the “what is meant to be, will be” perspective, this is a great sign for you to acknowledge. If someone is not willing to make compromises to understand your mindset, goals, or values, then they don’t deserve a place in your life.
Stop sacrificing your peace of mind and well-being, trying to help someone else understand the most basic pieces of your identity. The people who are meant to be in your life will “get you.”
So, if you feel like you’re constantly explaining yourself to other people or get anxious thinking about all the things they’re saying behind your back, it’s not worth it to keep them around.
While a lack of empathy can be a sign of disinterest or even dislike, it's not always indicative of negative feelings. Research suggests that empathy can be influenced by various factors, including personality traits, past experiences, and even neurological conditions.
5. They never invite you to social gatherings
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If people show you who they are, you have to listen. If someone doesn’t invite you to a party, a friendly get-together, or a gathering where you’d expect an invite, unfortunately, chances are they just don’t want you to be there.
It does not have to be more complicated than that, especially if they never reached out or provided some kind of clarification for you. If they wanted you to be there, you’d have gotten an invite.
That’s the way to look at friendships, especially as an adult. The people who care will show you that they care. Use these signs as beginning guardrails to protect your sacred energy. Of course, always remember that the people around us define who we are — their thoughts and actions create our reality.
If you let someone continue to bring bad energy and negative thoughts into your life, you’re giving the universe permission to continue introducing it into your reality.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango, focusing on pop culture and human interest stories.
