19 People Confess The One Life Choice They’d Undo In A Heartbeat If They Could
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Regret is something I know rather well, as I have many of them. I don't dwell on them, but they're always there.
I regret not doing more sports in school. I regret not going over to the popular girl's house in 7th grade. I regret not taking more challenging classes in school, and I regret choosing the easy way over the way that would've brought lasting returns. I regret listening to bad advisors, loving the wrong man, and taking too long to love the right one.
I regret thinking I was immune to disease and age, and I regret taking way too long before discovering I need to take care of myself. I must live with my regret because it's a part of me, and a study even suggested that regret is a feeling made of equal parts memory and personal annoyance.
We anonymously asked people to share their biggest regret in life, and according to one reader, "Regrets are a privilege, in a way. They say it wasn't what I thought or what I think I want now, but I still had a choice, and I still somehow am here. It's not that I don't believe in regrets, but I think they're a series of should-haves, wish I hads, what-if effects, and alternate realities. So it gets to the point where the biggest regret becomes the regretting itself."
People confess the one life choice they’d undo in a heartbeat if they could:
1. Settling
"I wanted to have kids. I was raised to think you needed a husband for that. So, I found one and ignored all of his faults."
"When it comes to settling, the red flags are blatant and waving in front of you," pointed out psychologist Kristin Davin. "You don't want to acknowledge them, much less see them and take action. We lose ourselves and forsake our happiness when we ignore what often hides in plain sight. We all have red flags and deal-breakers. Ultimately, ignoring them will only result in one thing: they will come back to haunt you and continually cause issues because deep down you know the truth."
2. Making decisions based on a man
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"I'd probably say declining a job for a man, especially since it didn't work out."
3. Not putting myself out there
"Letting fear hold me back, and not taking enough risks or acting on chances. The best things in my life have come from insane impulses."
4. Caring too much about the judgment of others
"Wasting time worrying about what other people think of me."
Psychologist Suzanne Manser explained, "The more time you spend in other people’s heads, the further back your own opinions go, getting quieter and quieter. This erodes your sense of self and true safety. It gives away your power. Your power comes from owning who you are. Your power comes from not needing anyone else to tell you who you are or what you're worth. That’s safe, solid ground."
5. Getting a perm
"When I was super young, the only thing I wanted in the whole world was a perm like my mom's. I've never made a worse choice."
6. Not taking injury and health issues seriously
"In high school, I was a pretty good cross-country runner, but in my junior year, I kept my ankle injury a secret from my coach and family, and wound up in physical therapy for several months, too dismayed by the setback to continue running my senior year. Most likely, I would've gone to college on an athletic scholarship if I had addressed the injury properly. I always say it's my one regret."
7. Hesitating instead of just going for it
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"Things I talked myself out of doing. My restraint is my greatest hyperbole."
8. My career choice
"I do often think about my career choice(s) as being somewhat regrettable."
Consider any obstacles you might encounter in pursuing your goals," suggested career coach Walter Sawatzky. "Be prepared to encounter voices that will try to discourage you and convince you to turn back — either internally or from others. That's why it's important to find allies and trusted companions who can offer support. You will need the confidence to walk through the fear of being rejected or misunderstood to find that fulfilling career you’ve been looking for."
9. Not being happy with myself
"Stop trying so hard, and just be me. Wish I did that a long time ago."
10. Focusing too much on body image
"Throwing tons of time and energy into dieting instead of working on my novel."
11. Making rash decisions
"Buying a house I didn't love just because I wanted out of an apartment."
Career consultant Ruth Schimel, Ph.D. added, "Here's a question to ask yourself when making any important decision: 'Am I choosing an action based primarily on fear or anxiety?' If so, it will distort your clear thinking and probably even the healthy outcome you want. Instead, you can explore what you truly want, why, and how to encourage a long-term, beneficial result. Challenging? Yes, but it is a worthwhile investment.
12. Dropping out of school and/or making a poor choice in schools
"I could've gone to an Ivy League school, potentially on scholarship. But I wanted to go to a state school because I was more interested in sororities, football games, and parties. Turns out I hated sorority life, and I never went to parties. So, I gained nothing and gave up who-knows-what amazing opportunities, experiences, and connections. I don't like regret, and I don't regret much, but this is a big one for me. It was the stupidest choice I ever made. Seventeen-year-olds shouldn't be allowed to make decisions of such import."
13. Listening to other people rather than trusting my instincts
"Letting my college advisor talk me out of pre-med."
Life coach Jean Walters elaborated, "Trusting your own observations and intuition helps you develop the willingness to be open and honest with yourself. This is how you begin the journey to self-trust: by drawing your own conclusions based on your observation of actions, words, and intention. This is not about judgment, but observation and deciding what works best for you. As you listen and act on this intuitive voice, it grows in strength and supports you in your hopes and dreams."
14. Trying too hard
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"Definitely not any of my style choices, amiright?"
"'Just stop caring about what other people think' is a piece of pop culture advice to help keep us focused on the trajectory of our lives," explained counselor Maxine Langdon Starr, Ph.D. "If only it were that simple. The truth is, it is okay to be in pain about the statements others make to us. We have options when presented with a painful situation. We can avoid it, or we can absorb it to an extent. The pattern of society is to avoid pain."
15. Letting money divert me from my true goals
"Starting my business in NYC and letting money and success divert me, for 10+ years, from my lifelong career love. (Epilogue: I'm back in it, but trying to catch up has been a challenge, to say the least)."
16. Holding on to grudges
"I used to hang on to a grudge as if it were a badge of honor. I didn't realize that all the negativity was only hurting me."
Couples counselor Tom King compared old grudges to soil and water: "If the soil has been hardened over time, it will not respond by soaking in the water immediately. It takes time to penetrate the hard crust of dry soil. If the roots are deep, once the water penetrates the top soil, you must keep it coming for it to reach down to the depths of the roots. Consistent kindness and loving behavior over time will work its magic."
17. Not believing in love
"Not believing that real love was a thing."
18. Not doing the right thing
"One isn't going after the teacher my son had, who was scapegoating and bullying the one Black girl in his class. I'll always feel horrible that I didn't try to get her fired."
19. Being a terrible teenager
"When I was a teen, I was out shopping with my young cousin whose mother had died a few months earlier. We found a single forest green scrunchy on sale — yes, a scrunchy; I'm old — and we both wanted it. Somehow, I ended up with it, but why on earth I didn't just give it to her when she had already lost so much is beyond me."
Christine Schoenwald is a writer and performer. She's had articles in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, Bustle, Medium, and Woman's Day.
