Tom King, LICSW, Med, MSW - Expert

Tom King

"If you have been in a relationship for some time and are looking to recapture that spark, this book is a great place to start. The author himself is a therapist who has made a career out of helping couples get the most out of their relationships. The book itself is organized into chapters that should be important to all couples (marriage, sex, goals etc.). Within each chapter are various exercises that can be done to explore that topic so that each partner will be able to better understand the other. This book is a quick read and is meant to be used. If you and your significant partner are looking for a way to get more out of your relationship, this book provides the road map. Recommended!"
David Nordmark

"Great advice pulling together several topics to help have a better relationship into one source. As an engaged guy, it's nice to see what may and may not be working, what I should continue to do and what I may need to work on."
Jeremy S.

"Once that sparkle of initial love has worn off, inevitably partners begin to find fault with socks being left on the bedroom floor, lateness to dinner, who takes out the trash... all of these kinds of issues. These kinds of issues can make even "date night" a period of "walking on eggshells" rather than a time of mutual enjoyment. Ah, but this book has great ideas. Much like books like "Stage II Relationships" by Ernie Larsen, this book has partners ask the important questions, of themselves and each other. It is a form of communication that allows for an exchange of information without the burden of past history and insults and injuries. In addition, this book has some great tools to bring the sparkle back into the relationship. It's a great book if your relationship has become "hum drum" or you are actively having relationship issues. Good tools, great resources."
Bobbi Jones

Even if you don't think you need this book right now every relationship will benefit from great communication, and you know someone else who needs it now.  Please download your copy now and forward this to everyone you care about.

Thank you!

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What is the story you tell yourself about your relationship and your partner?  When couples have difficulties they often create a story to explain what is going on.  Most often, in that story the other person is responsible for the problems.  You know how it goes:
• If only she would stop doing that everything would be fine
• If only he would do more of this then I would be happy
• I would – fill in the blank- if he would – fill in the blank

This is called projection and you fail to recognize your own issues being reflected back to you in your partner.  You are being triggered by your partner, but what is being triggered are areas of sensitivity within yourself, areas that you do not yet see clearly and have not resolved.  In order to break through your roadblocks each person must assume responsibility for his or her own growth and be willing to look in the mirror.  These conversations, starting with conversations with yourself will help you do just that.

You see, the stories you have told yourself about your marriage and about your partner have colored your perception of reality.  What is even more seductive is that whenever you hold something to be true, you will naturally find evidence to support your point of view. So step one in resolving problems in your relationship is to suspend judgment and be open to seeing what is really going on.

To help couples understand these dynamics more clearly I created the Dynamic Marriage Map.  This is a four quadrant framework which describes the interaction of two dynamic forces that determine the quality of every marriage or significant relationship.  One of these forces is the level of optimism and connection you feel towards one another.  This is influenced by your relationship skills or your capability to be emotionally intimate.  The other force is the level of development or differentiation that each individual brings into the relationship.  Your level of personal development is influenced by how well you worked through your life-conditioning and the places where you are emotionally stuck.  This reflects your own capacity to be a mature and loving person.

I have found it to be critical for couples to understand how these dynamics work and what is driving the conflicts in their particular situation.  Insight is the beginning of knowing what to change and how to change it. To read more please claim your copy of the book. 

P.S.  If you do not own a Kindle you can download a free Kindle reader for your PC or a Kindle app for your mobile device.