The Most Miserable People Usually Have These 10 Annoying Things In Common
sun ok / Shutterstock We all know those people who tend to suck the energy out of the room the second they enter it. While life can be quite challenging, the difference in how these people handle it bleeds into the interactions they have with others. They constantly have this dark cloud hanging over them and have no problem turning every simple situation into something dramatic. They're always complaining and truly act as if the world is out to get them. That's not to diminish the struggles they've probably experienced, but they make it seem as if they're the only ones who have gone through tough times.
It's not just that this kind of behavior can be frustrating, but that it can also infect you. When you end up spending time around truly miserable people who are constantly dwelling on the negative, it isn't long before that starts affecting your own mood and outlook on life. It's easier for them to stay in this constant, bitter loop than try to work their way out of their own suffering. In fact, they may not even realize just how damaging they're being.
The most miserable people usually have these 10 annoying things in common
1. Constant complaining
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Truly miserable people have no problem finding an issue with every single thing. Their relentless negative attitude can be quite draining to those who have to listen to them go on and on about the things that are going wrong. While there's nothing wrong with venting and being irritated by whatever bad thing has happened that day, there's definitely a major difference when you find yourself constantly dwelling on it and always bringing it up to others.
"Individuals who constantly complain become 'addicted' to negativity, attracting more drama and dissatisfaction into their lives. Their pessimism makes decision-making and problem-solving challenging, as they tend to create more issues by fixating on the existing ones," explained psychotherapist Ilene S. Cohen.
When you start focusing on all of the things that are going wrong instead of what's actually going right, your brain just tends to focus on the negative all of the time. So, even when good things are happening, they feel quite underwhelming. Living in this constant state of negativity doesn't allow one to find true happiness.
2. Blaming others for everything
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Some people are just incapable of taking responsibility for their actions. Instead, they'll point the finger at everyone else because they can't possibly be the ones who are causing themselves this much suffering and misery. They rarely ever stop to think about what role they might've played in a situation, and instead, think that just pointing fingers will be the thing that fixes things.
"It may be a defense mechanism aimed at protecting the blame-shifter’s fragile ego from being overwhelmed with negative emotions such as guilt and shame. Simply put, the finger-pointing comes from a place of high vulnerability," said psychology expert Arash Emamzadeh.
But the problem with always blaming other people is that you're never given the chance to acknowledge your own mistakes and grow. Perfection simply doesn't exist, and no person that exists is incapable of making a misstep. Avoiding responsibility doesn't stop the cycle of conflict and mistakes from happening. They'll actually just keep happening.
3. Holding grudges
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It might feel easy to hold a grudge because it means not having to confront those other feelings, but it can actually serve as doing more harm than good. Rather than being able to work through that anger and resentment, it's just sitting on your chest and will come out whenever you see that person again. Truly miserable people find that holding on to their anger is just a lot easier.
"Some hold onto hurt and anger because they feel unfairly treated and are waiting, sometimes forever, for an apology. Some hold grudges because it seems to be a show of strength: refusing to forgive even though the other person apologizes, even perhaps pleading for forgiveness to no avail," insisted psychotherapist Kathy McCoy.
To them, they would rather focus on the ways that they've been wronged because being in that victim mindset keeps them under that perpetual dark cloud. Even the good moments they have will just feel tainted because their attention is forever stuck on the past. Dedicating your energy to wondering if someone else is suffering just invites that negative energy into your own life and keeps you from being able to succeed.
4. Constant jealousy
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The most miserable people usually feel constantly jealous of others. They can't seem to celebrate someone else's success without feeling bitter or even threatened by it. Seeing someone else accomplish something reminds them of everything that they don't have. It makes the people around them scared to share their good news because they don't want to make them feel bad.
"Jealousy often shows up when we feel insecure or threatened, and it can trigger powerful emotional responses. But feeling jealous doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you, your partner, or your relationship. It’s an opportunity to understand yourself better and strengthen your relationships — if you know how to work with it," encouraged clinical psychologists Chandra Khalifian and Kayla Knopp.
But eventually, it's just another thing that'll drive people away, leaving the miserable people feeling even more isolated and angry. No one wants to be around someone who can't be happy when something good happens to them. Success is also not something that only happens to a few people at a time. The world is too big, and there are too many opportunities to think that you won't find your own good thing.
5. Being overly judgmental
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These individuals are able to notice everyone else's flaws except their own. They constantly have an opinion about what everyone else is doing and have no problem putting their two cents in, even when they haven't been asked to give their thoughts. But this kind of judgment usually comes from a place of deep insecurity.
People who are usually too critical of others tend to be projecting. But because truly miserable people are never doing the inner work to look at their own flaws and fix what needs to be fixed, they don't realize they're projecting in the first place.
6. Procrastinating constantly
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Despite having a deadline that's coming up, these individuals will manage to push everything until the last possible second. This habit doesn't just end up affecting their productivity, but ends up creeping into so many other areas of their lives. Having this mindset just ends up leaving them more stressed and miserable. It's not just about laziness, either, but rooted in a fear of failing or even being judged by others.
By pushing something until it absolutely needs to be done, they're running from their fear of making a mistake. However, they can't see that sometimes making a mistake is part of completing a task. It doesn't mean it'll happen all of the time, but sometimes being too afraid of it can take away from the beauty of stumbling a little.
7. Overexplaining themselves
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These individuals just can't help but stop and explain every little thing about their choices and thoughts. The simplest comment can turn into them just explaining their point over and over again. It can make conversations with them just feel quite exhausting, especially when no one even asked for the extra explanation in the first place.
However, being someone who is constantly over-explaining usually comes from a place of deep anxiety. They fear being misunderstood, so they go that extra step to make sure that no one ever does. They're constantly thinking about how other people view them, and because of that, they're looking for constant validation, rather than getting it from themselves.
8. Refusing to apologize
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Even if it's a small mistake or something that genuinely hurt someone else, these individuals can't seem to muster up the two words of "I'm sorry." Instead, they'll dig their heels in and refuse to admit any fault. It makes every disagreement or conflict with them feel harder than it has to be. Their pride is just too big for them to admit that they've messed up and done something they shouldn't have.
By refusing to apologize, they end up ruining so many relationships and leaving people feeling dismissed in the process. That's a far worse thing than just putting aside your pride and apologizing. Even if they don't think they've done anything wrong at all, hurting someone means that you need to put that aside and make it right.
9. Obsessing over perfection
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These individuals just can't let anything be good enough. They're constantly driving for perfection, even though perfection doesn't exist. By chasing that impossible standard, they're keeping themselves in a perpetual state of being miserable when they aren't able to achieve it. They worry that if something isn't completely flawless, it means they'll be seen as incompetent, which isn't true at all.
"Perfectionism is a barrier; we place it in front of ourselves to avoid painful feelings. At once, we believe it—considering it as a self-evident and, thus, objective standard—and use it to mask our shame, of both who we are and how we’ve managed our affairs," said licensed mental health counselor Leon Garber.
They would rather spend their time focusing on the things that have gone wrong and the mistakes they've made, rather than focusing on the hard work and dedication that they've exhibited. But no matter how much time and energy you're pouring into a task, there's always going to be something that needs to be fixed. Even when you're doing great, you're going to think that you're failing all of the time.
10. Neglecting personal growth
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Truly miserable people often have a habit of avoiding taking on any new passions or hobbies. However, by doing so, they're neglecting their own personal growth and opportunity to learn more about themselves. Without being able to try new things, life can just feel boring and stagnant because you're just doing the same things over and over again.
They might seem content with doing the same old thing, but deep inside, they're yearning for something more. But the discomfort from even the thought of changing their routine is enough to keep them locked in on what they've been doing for this entire time. So instead of taking the steps needed to improve, they stick to what's familiar.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
