10 Etiquette Rules From The 1990s That Quietly Disappeared Without Anyone Noticing
Pressmaster | Shutterstock Especially in our modern society that's quickly becoming defined by rising rates of narcissism and the impoliteness of convenience, it's not surprising that the introduction of "boundaries" is replacing many old-school manners and etiquette rules. From "protecting your peace" to chasing after instant gratification, many of us have grown too caught up in our own needs to offer basic respect to others.
Even on a small-scale level, things like leaving a voicemail or sending a handwritten "thank you" note after a party are some of the etiquette rules from the 1990s that quietly disappeared without anyone noticing. Of course, social norms and expectations evolve over time and with new generational influences, but some of these practices will be sorely missed in the realm of connection and decency.
Here are 10 etiquette rules from the 1990s that quietly disappeared without anyone noticing
1. Leaving voicemails
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In the 1990s, if someone didn't answer the phone, leaving a voicemail was second nature. You said what you had to say, gave them a callback number, and left it at that. However, with the advent of new technology and text messaging, leaving a voicemail is less necessary, except for appointments and business purposes.
It's one of the basic etiquette rules from the 1990s that quietly disappeared without anyone noticing. While most people aren't missing combing through their voicemails and responding to calls, in some cases it's convenient to have them at your disposal.
2. Sending written 'thank you' notes
Sending handwritten letters and "thank you" notes is more powerful than we give it credit for, according to a study from Psychological Science. Not only does it offer us a space to express gratitude in important ways, but it also often boosts our connections with other people and makes them feel seen and important.
However, with the accessibility of cellphones and online communication, it's no surprise that it's one of the etiquette rules from the 1990s that quietly disappeared without anyone noticing. It's fair to argue that, especially alongside more convenient alternatives for communication, sending these kinds of intentional, time-consuming letters is more powerful than ever today.
3. Dressing up for flights
While "airport chic" in the 1990s was alive and well, it's safe to assume that dressing up for flights and the airport is one of the etiquette rules that has quietly disappeared without anyone noticing. While it's being pushed back into culture forcefully, the truth is, everyone should feel free to wear whatever they want in the airport.
Whether it's style or comfort they're aiming toward, if they're spending their hard-earned money to get on an airplane and travel, the last thing they should be worried about is how they're being perceived by others for what they're choosing to wear.
4. Not using phones during mealtimes
Considering mobile phones in the 1990s were bulky and expensive, for the most part, they didn't have the same hold over culture as they do today. From screen time to social media, kids in the 90s were far less affected by their cell phones.
However, letting phones distract people from conversations and family dinners is now one of the vague etiquette rules from the 90s that quietly disappeared without anyone noticing. Now, when someone's uncomfortable or bored, the first thing they do is pull out their phone, while kids and teens in the 90s were expected to be present at the dinner table and with other people around.
5. Using formal titles to address people
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Considering many younger generations like Gen Z are outspoken about the complicated, controversial past of formal titles like "Mr" and "Mrs," it's not surprising that using them is one of the etiquette rules from the 1990s that quietly disappeared without anyone noticing.
Once a nuanced way to exemplify social status and oppress women, these titles are hardly used in everyday conversations today, especially amongst young people who will continue to shape the social norms and manners we bring into the next season of culture.
6. Not talking about money openly
Despite younger generations speaking about money openly with their friends, on social media, and even with co-workers in the office, many older generations still perceive these conversations to be more taboo than controversial politics. They've been taught to keep financial struggles and money conversations to themselves or behind closed doors, even if it makes them more isolating and difficult to deal with.
So, while being secretive and private about money is an etiquette rule from the 1990s that quietly disappeared, there's a chance it's for the better.
7. Sending holiday cards in the mail
According to a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, sending greeting cards in the mail often profoundly boosts someone's happiness. When we're offered small acts of kindness or positive cards in the mail that are unexpected — a surprise — they hold more power in boosting our connections with others and our personal mood.
Despite that, sending out physical holiday cards has become a less popular American tradition in recent decades. It's one of the etiquette rules from the 1990s — that you send a holiday card to your closest friends and family, without question — that's quietly disappeared without anyone noticing.
8. Letting guests eat first
According to psychology professor Ronald E. Riggio, our society is largely growing more selfish and self-centered, putting their own convenience and needs above everyone else's in their lives. While this selfishness tends to sabotage many things like relationship building and connections, the truth is it also influences many of the etiquette rules from the 1990s that disappeared without anyone noticing.
From holding the door open for strangers to letting guests eat first when hosting, people are too caught up in their own needs and desires to consider a collective respect for others with traditional manners and rules.
9. Bringing a gift for the host
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Bringing a gift for the host is a personal, thoughtful way to say "thank you," according to etiquette experts, but whatever you bring should feel intentional. If it's food or flowers that take extra work for the host to set out, chances are it's only adding more stress to their plate.
However, in today's world, where social gatherings and "house parties" are becoming less common, it's not surprising that the practice of buying and offering gifts to the host is quietly disappearing without anyone noticing.
10. Saying 'goodbye' to everyone
The "Irish goodbye" has become a new trend in recent years, made acceptable through quirky personality excuses and personal comfort expectations. People leave parties without saying "goodbye" and slip out back doors to avoid social interactions. It's one of the etiquette rules from the 1990s that quietly disappeared without anyone noticing.
According to etiquette expert Diane Gottsman, there's a time and place for the "Irish exit." At large parties and late events where you can't find the host or don't want to distract them, it's perfectly acceptable to leave without a "goodbye," especially if you plan on sending a "thank you" note later on.
However, in small, intimate settings, disappearing without acknowledgement is usually quite rude. Yet, in our convenience culture, airing on the side of selfishness, it's become the "norm" for many people.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
