11 Brilliant Ways Highly Intelligent Women Stop Being 'Nice' As They Get Older
Bricolage | Shutterstock As women get older, there's often a change that happens in how they deal with life and the people they encounter. It makes sense considering a woman's social value tends to diminish with age. When women reach a certain point of adulthood, they tend to be less represented within the media, and maybe that explains why the older a woman gets, the less she cares about trying to be "nice" to people.
It doesn't mean they become rude and standoffish, but that they start living life for themselves rather than trying to appease anyone else. The brilliant ways highly intelligent women stop being "nice" as they get older revolve around no longer feeling interested in trying to smooth things over for anyone else while ignoring their own needs. It's them becoming way more honest about what works for them, and the things that don't are instantly shown the door.
Here are 11 brilliant ways highly intelligent women stop being 'nice' as they get older
1. They stop over-explaining
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As they age, highly intelligent women quickly learn that attempting to over-explain themselves really doesn't get them anywhere. It only ends up inviting unnecessary opinions and criticisms from other people who were never going to take the time to understand them anyway.
Experts like psychologist Mark Travers warn that constantly over-explaining yourself only ends up taking away from what you're actually saying, depleting both your energy and self-esteem in the process. As they get older, highly intelligent women stand on what they say without needing any kind of approval.
2. They won't say 'yes' out of guilt
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There might have a time when smart women were scared of saying "no," so they just agreed to do things or go places that didn't even align with their own needs. They felt guilty for not being agreeable. But there eventually comes a time when they realize that saying "yes" out of guilt may keep everyone else happy, but it doesn't make them happy.
So, they start setting boundaries rather than just saying "yes" because that ends up disconnecting themselves from their true self. And anyone who doesn't like that doesn't belong in their life.
3. They stop chasing approval from people who don't matter
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With age and life experience comes intelligent women becoming way more selective about whose opinions they take to heart. They're no longer trying to seek approval from people who don't matter and whose lives aren't something they even admire or want to emulate.
There are definitely times when we may need validation from others, but as these very smart women age, they realize that there's also importance in being able to self-validate themselves at the end of the day.
4. They stop apologizing for taking up space
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These women gradually learn that they don't get anywhere in life by staying in the habit of always apologizing for being in the room. What replaces that is the confidence they belong and don't need to be afraid of speaking up.
Before they apologize, they make sure to actually take time to think about if they even did anything worth saying sorry for. It's also mostly women that end up in this trap of over-apologizing, which psychologist Stephen Hinshaw explains is because of an "impossible set of expectations" placed on women from the time that they are young girls.
5. They no longer make excuses for inconsistent behavior
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Gone are the days where intelligent women try to make sense of why someone is showing up the way they are. As these women get older and learn more about who they are, they start looking at someone's actions as an indicator of their true personality.
It doesn't matter how many sweet words they spew at them, they're looking at whether or not those actions are matching up with their words. In the past, it has felt exhausting constantly making excuses for someone when they didn't even seem concerned about leaving a good impression in the first place.
6. They don't overcommit themselves
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These women start to become a lot more protective over who they're giving their time to. They no longer feel the need to stretch themselves too thin just to keep others happy. Instead, they only do what they want to do, and aren't pressured to go further.
In the process of doing that before, they realized just how much of their energy was being depleted, especially for people who wouldn't even think to do the same for them. If they can make the time, they'll be there, and if they can't, they apologize and promise to be there when they're free.
7. They stop justifying their need for solitude
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There might have been a time when highly intelligent women made excuses for wanting to spend time alone. They even had spells where they would actively avoid being alone just to spend time outside and with friends. But as they get older, they realize just how important spending time with themselves really is.
It's where they get to recharge and rest, or else they'll notice a huge dip in their mental health. So to prioritize their well-being, they make sure to have some days where they're just doing something for themselves, whatever that looks like.
8. They prioritize peace over people-pleasing
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Constantly being nice to people can sometimes end up doing more harm than good. Highly intelligent women often find that they would much rather feel at peace with themselves than trying to appease others.
In a survey from YouGov, women (56%) are more likely than men (42%) to say they would describe themselves as people-pleasers. It's something that women are conditioned to be, and as they get older, it's something they actively have to break out of. People-pleasing doesn't ever feel good because you're usually putting your own needs on the back-burner.
9. They refuse to pretend their discomfort doesn't exist
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A lot of high-IQ, intelligent women learn that it can only make situations feel worse when they try to avoid making things awkward. In the past, they may have automatically pushed that feeling of being uncomfortable down because it's a lot easier to do that than actually address it.
That habit becomes more draining than confronting it. In fact, reframing your attitude around discomfort and seeing it as a sign of progress versus something to avoid can actually motivate people to work more toward their goals. If you're not uncomfortable, you're not actually growing as a person.
10. They choose directness over being soft
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As these women become older, they start to appreciate the art of being more direct with people rather than sugarcoating things. It doesn't mean they're honest in a way that comes off as being rude, they just say it how it is but with care behind each word.
Healthy communication is essential for maintaining positive relationships with people. In fact, chronic miscommunication can actually elevate stress levels and reinforce anxiety. That's why it's best to just be direct, and do it with kindness on top of that. You can't solve any issue by leaning on soft words and hoping the other person will get it.
11. They stop silently holding grudges
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Carrying resentment usually ends up taking a lot more mental energy that highly intelligent women are not looking to exert, especially as they get older. Maybe there was a time when they would hold things against a person if they hurt their feelings. Even if they did accept the apology, they would still carry that resentment in their heart.
But now, they realize that if they can't accept someone's apology, it's best to leave rather than stay and still feel angry. On top of that, they end up getting better at confronting someone rather than brushing things under the rug.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
