The Art Of Being Personable: 10 Simple Habits Of Naturally Personable People
They have a way of making everyone feel valued and worthy.
Getty Images | Unsplash We've all encountered those magnetic individuals who seem to effortlessly connect with everyone they meet. What makes these naturally personable people so captivating? Being personable is about creating authentic connections through kindness and curiosity.
These are the qualities that make people feel valued. While we often focus on identifying red flags in relationships and social interactions, recognizing and developing these positive personal traits is equally important. TikToker Hedieh Safiyari shared some compelling insights about the green flags of naturally personable people.
Here are 10 simple habits of naturally personable people:
1. They treat themselves and others with kindness
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In life, you have to teach people how you want to be treated. If you don’t treat yourself right, how in the world do you expect others to? Treating yourself with kindness, dignity, and respect is a personable trait to strive for. In addition, you are non-judgmental, accepting yourself and others.
Studies suggest that self-compassionate individuals tend to maintain healthier social relationships, extend support to others, and recover from difficult interactions more easily. When you model self-kindness and non-judgment toward yourself, you naturally extend that same grace to the people around you.
2. They're accountable for their actions
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People who want to be their best selves take accountability for their actions. When they make mistakes, they own up to it, acknowledge their contribution to the problem, and take corrective action. This is one of the biggest personable traits to hone because it points to an ability to communicate effectively.
According to Dr. Bhavna Dalal, a leadership coach, accountability is about delivering on a commitment. It's a responsibility to an outcome, not just a set of tasks, requiring thoughtful initiative and strategic follow-through at all levels.
3. They practice self-compassion
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Sometimes a person can be their own worst enemy, judging their own actions more harshly than they would those of another person. The ability to treat yourself compassionately is a personable attribute that will help you grow and thrive.
Studies have demonstrated that more self-compassionate people are more resilient and better able to bounce back from challenges. Instead of undermining motivation as some fear, self-compassion is actually positively associated with mastery goals and helps people aim high while also accepting that they cannot always reach their targets.
4. They keep promises to themselves
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The last person on earth you should let down is you. You know what you are capable of, so there is no reason you should make promises that you cannot keep to yourself. Following through on commitments to your own well-being is an absolutely personable trait.
When you repeatedly break promises to others, you compromise your personal integrity, with breaking promises to yourself being just as damaging, notes personal development coach Jan L. Bowen. The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life, making self-commitment a cornerstone of being genuinely personable.
5. They respect boundaries
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A personable trait, as it relates to boundaries, means that you set boundaries for yourself and respect the boundaries of others. You understand that everyone has a right to feel comfortable and avoid things that trigger negativity, so you adhere to their stipulations and expect the same from them.
A 2021 study found that couples who actively communicated and respected each other's boundaries reported significantly higher levels of satisfaction and emotional connection. Respecting boundaries is another one of the green flags in any relationship, romantic, platonic, or otherwise.
6. They value quality over quantity
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People who have a healthy mindset know that it’s not about how many relationships you have, but the quality of each. You spend time with people you care about in meaningful ways and nurture those relationships so they can flourish.
Larry Michel, a couples counselor, says that the most personable people prioritize quality over quantity when it comes to friendships and relationships, investing time and energy in building genuine and meaningful connections. You spend time with people you care about in meaningful ways and nurture those relationships so they can flourish.
7. They follow their purpose
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Knowing who you are and what you were put on this planet for is a personable trait everyone should have. Happiness and self-fulfillment mean that you know what your purpose is and you pursue it.
The connection between purpose and happiness is so robust that research has linked having a sense of purpose to better physical health, increased longevity, and higher overall well-being, research has shown. When you know what you were put on this planet to do and actively pursue it, you're building a life that feels authentically fulfilling, which naturally makes you more engaging and personable to be around.
8. They express their emotions
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We know that bottling your feelings up is not a good thing. Personable people are transparent about their emotions and allow themselves to feel them without self-judgment or burying them deep inside. Expressing your emotions keeps them from building up and making you a walking red flag.
Bottling up feelings can be detrimental to relationships and personal well-being, as unexpressed emotions tend to build resentment over time until they eventually explode, according to couples counselor Nicola Beer. When individuals suppress their true emotions and resort to blaming or passive-aggressive behavior instead, those feelings persist rather than resolve.
9. They listen to themselves and others
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You not only follow your inner voice and intuition, but are also willing to learn from and listen to other people. You understand that to be your best self, you have to be a student of life, listening actively and seeking to understand the people and world around you.
Research demonstrates that when people feel genuinely heard by listeners, they become more self-reflective and their cognitive and emotional awareness increases. The most personable individuals recognize that growth requires honoring your intuition while remaining a humble student of the perspectives and experiences around you.
10. They meet their own needs
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While some may look outside of themselves to get what they need, you provide yourself with whatever it takes to make you show up in life every single day. You know what you need to succeed and are committed to providing yourself with those necessities.
Suzy Rosenstein, a life coach, explained that when you take care of yourself first, you strengthen your resolve and become more fulfilled, which puts you in a better position to support others. By having your own back and following through on giving yourself what you want and need, you build self-trust and confidence, learning that you can count on yourself.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
