7 Things People Obsess Over In Relationships That Literally Don't Matter At All In The Long-Run
The little quirks you fixate on now won't mean a thing years down the road.
GaudiLab | Canva There's been a lot of talk about settling for Mr. Good Enough, due to Lori Gottlieb's book, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. Despite the book's provocative subtitle, however, Gottlieb's latest opus isn't really about settling.
Rather, it's a case for maintaining an open mind when considering new partners, instead of nitpicking over inconsequential surface details. Because sometimes, the person we overlooked may be the only one who can make us happy. She has a point. This is why we put together a list of things people obsess over that, well, don't matter as much as you think in the long term.
Here are 7 things people obsess over in relationships that literally don't matter at all in the long run:
1. They're considerably older or younger
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A lot of people pass judgment when they see a May-December couple, muttering things about gold-digging and cougars and dirty old men. And, in some cases, they're right.
It can be difficult to have a partnership of equals when both halves of a couple are at different places in their lives. Still, if the relationship works, you can overcome an age difference. Just make sure you've thought about the pros and cons of the gap.
Some research suggests that stigmatized relationships end up cultivating higher levels of commitment. These couples often develop more intentional communication about their needs and expectations to establish a clear value system to guide their decisions.
2. They live far away from you
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Long-distance relationships can be rough. They can be lonely. They can be expensive. They can be frustrating on both emotional and physical levels. But they can also be worth it. Several YourTango staffers have rocked the long-distance relationship, proving that — despite the agita — it can be done.
Some studies suggest that stronger bonds and deeper emotional intimacy can develop over time. The key factors for success are the commitment and effort from both partners, effective communication, and the ability to adapt to challenges and changes.
3. They don't have a college degree
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A lack of formal education does not necessarily mean someone lacks ambition, smarts, or chances for career success. Think: real estate broker. Influencer. Plumber. Ultrasound technologist. Lobster fisherman.
All of these jobs require hard work, a good brain, and can net big bucks, yet none of them require higher education. If they spend their days on the couch, wearing nothing but their tightie whities, and expect you to foot all the bills, however, we'll forgive you for dropping that dead weight.
4. They're divorced
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While a previous marriage can leave one with serious emotional baggage, a divorce does not mean there's something wrong with the person who went through it.
In fact, the experience may have left them with a better perspective on what they want (or don't want) in a partner, and what works when it comes to negotiating the rough spots. Over time, they may open up about the specifics of their divorce. In the meantime, concentrate on who they are as a person, not who they are as a divorced person.
5. They have kids
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The way a person acts with (or talks about) their children can be a great indicator of how well they'll end up treating you, or even what type of parent they'll be to your kids. Having kids isn't automatically a deal-breaker — it often means a person is responsible, loving, and already knows how to commit and care for others.
While success is achievable, having children from a previous relationship creates a set of unique and significant challenges for a new partnership. The couple's relationship is the foundation of a successful stepfamily, a 2019 study found.
6. They come from a wildly different background
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Are you nervous about what people will say if you date someone outside of your race? Afraid your parents will go berserk if you end up with someone of a different religion or faith?
If you're confident enough to shrug off their judgments, you may find such relationships extra-rewarding; working through your differences will result in greater understanding of each other and another culture. And, hopefully, this goes without saying, but the color of their skin does not affect their ability to love the heck out of you.
A 2021 study showed that there is no conclusive evidence that couples with different sociocultural backgrounds are less satisfied than culturally similar couples. The findings suggest that differences, when managed well, are not a significant factor in long-term satisfaction.
7. They have different interests
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Your diet consists of pasta and veggies; they're a major meat eater. They love smash-'em-up adventure flicks, you're a fan of the artsy fartsy. You still have Barry Manilow in your Spotify music library, they ... well, they'd rather not comment on your musical tastes, because it might hurt your feelings.
While it's nice to share some interests with your significant other, you don't want your partner to be a carbon copy of you. If you don't give someone slightly different from you a chance, you may never realize how totally awesome horror flicks are, or how exhilarating rock climbing can be, or how perfect Taylor Swift's "Life Of A Showgirl" sounds when it pops up on your playlist directly after Manilow's "Copacabana."
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