11 Smart Etiquette Tips For Women Who Want To Protect Their Peace While Also Being Kind
shurkin_son | Shutterstock As much as women try to be nice and upstanding, people tend to test them in all areas of life. A lot of women feel overwhelmed by the pressure put on them, whether it's feeling pressured to say "yes" or giving more than they have. But they don't always realize that true kindness and compassion isn't about pleasing others at the expense of their well-being. Because protecting your peace isn't selfish.
As psychotherapist Ilene Strauss Cohen pointed out, kindness without boundaries can lead to resentment, strained relationships, and burnout. So, with the smart etiquette tips for women who want to protect their peace while also being kind, they can honor their needs and remain authentic, all while creating intentionality around their giving nature.
Here are 11 smart etiquette tips for women who want to protect their peace while also being kind
1. Decline invitations with warmth, not guilt
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As much as social media gurus overcomplicate things, a woman can protect her peace in the way she says "no" to an invitation. Rather than rejecting it in a guilty tone, she responds with warmth.
Staying positive, she can say something like, "I won't be able to make that, but thank you so much for thinking of me." Not only does it show how thoughtful she is in her response, but it also shows how grateful she is. And because gratitude is strongly linked to greater happiness, she's doing herself a favor.
2. Give yourself permission to leave early
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Everyone's been stuck in an awkward social situation before, but because they feel depleted and exhausted, they don't have the heart to tell the person how they're feeling. Viewing it as rude, they cross their own boundaries for the sake of pleasing those around them.
While this may feel most comfortable in the moment, when a woman doesn't advocate for herself, it disturbs her peace of mind. So, in a polite way, she can give herself permission to leave when needed. With a smile on her face, she can thank the host and say, "I had a great time, but I ought to be heading home now."
3. Pause before responding
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It's all too tempting to say whatever comes to mind when in a conversation. Feeling pressured to fill the silence, women may rush what they're going to say. But a smart etiquette tip is to think before responding, which will protect her peace while also allowing her to be kind.
Pausing allows room for thoughtfulness. As licensed marriage and family therapist John Amodeo explained, "Pausing allows us to be gently present with our feelings, which gives them time to settle. It allows for self-soothing, which positions us to convey what we're feeling in a responsible, authentic, congruent way."
4. Stay grounded in your own energy instead of matching other people's
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Whenever someone feels energetic or frustrated, it's like a power wave that influences everyone around them. So, in order to keep her peace of mind, a woman should always try to stay grounded in her own energy, rather than matching the energy of those around her.
Learning to have high self-control and discipline is the greatest thing anyone can learn. Especially when tensions are high and energies are intense, learning to stay in their own lane is the number one way they'll stay calm and polite at the same time.
5. Step away when you need to reset
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Learning to step away isn't a seamless process. While taking a break and going on a walk sounds good on paper, working up the courage to express vulnerability isn't simple. As licensed marriage and family therapist Marisa T. Cohen said, "Being vulnerable is not easy and takes time, as it requires us to let our walls down and let someone see our true selves. It usually involves a great deal of self-disclosure, in which we share our deepest wants, fears, needs, and desires."
If a woman wants to protect her peace while remaining kind, learning to walk away is essential. Not only does it prevent things from getting worse, it also helps her work through her thoughts and feelings before committing to an intense conversation.
6. Choose depth over quantity in your relationships
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Finding true depth in a relationship isn't easy. With people becoming increasingly more isolated and untrusting, letting your guard down and creating an authentic connection takes time and patience. But when a woman chooses to prioritize quality over quantity in her relationships, she's leading with kindness for herself and her potential mate.
Women should always do their best to surround themselves with people who speak to their souls. Ignoring surface-level banter or gossip, finding someone who is highly intelligent and matches your needs is the greatest way to keep your peace for life.
7. Set clear but kind boundaries around your time
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Women do their best to carve out time for their loved ones, but there's only so much free time they can spare. Having a lot on their plate, women can set clear but kind boundaries around their time, avoiding burnout and overwhelm.
Setting boundaries means using honest communication, which is crucial for smart etiquette. As professor of communication Dawn O. Braithwaite explained, "How we communicate helps relationships get off on the right foot, navigate problems, and change over time... In communication, we develop, create, maintain, and alter our relationships. As we communicate, we become and change who we are."
8. Practice active listening
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When a conversation is flowing and people are yearning for connection, it's normal to try to find ways to relate. But while being open and vulnerable is important, a woman can protect her peace by being an active listener, rather than waiting for her turn to speak.
According to associate professor of education Ruth Gotian, "Active listening is not just a communication technique for the C-suite, it is a valid and critical conversational tool that is integral to building and solidifying solid relationships and getting a deeper understanding of those around you. Active listening is the secret sauce to take you from being a mediocre listener to a rock-star communicator."
9. Be intentional about your environment and company
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Most people allow themselves to get carried away. Especially during social events, it's normal for them not to want to feel isolated or alone. Craving connection and acceptance, people surround themselves with bad company just for the sake of not being the odd one out.
But when women follow smart etiquette tips and realize they should be intentional about who they keep around, it can bring them a peace of mind. When they find the courage to walk away from toxic people, they'll find a weight lifted, especially when they surround themselves with individuals who add to their well-being.
10. Prioritize your well-being without apologizing
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When push comes to shove, women should put their well-being first, especially since the average woman was likely raised to be self-sacrificing. If she truly wants to protect herself and her peace, prioritizing her needs without apologizing is essential.
At first, it may be extremely difficult to do, especially if she was raised as a people-pleaser. It will take time and patience for her to stand her ground, but once she's able to figure it out, she'll find a sense of calm coming over her.
11. Let 'no thank you' be a complete and respectful answer
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Oftentimes, women overexplain themselves. Feeling as if they have to justify themselves to ensure their needs are valid, she'll give every excuse and explanation. However, while it may seem like the kind thing to do, refusing to be straightforward leads to more frustration.
As therapist Keisha Moore revealed, "At times society teaches us the word 'no' is impolite and inconsiderate. We feel more obligated to go along with things we honestly do not want to do in order to be socially accepted. Yet... saying no can create more mental health stability by helping with self-care and build your self-esteem and confidence by setting boundaries."
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.
