11 Subtle Signs Respect Is Fading In A Relationship

Breakups are terrible, but do you know what tends to be worse than the actual breakup? That span of time where you lose respect for your partner. It’s awful. You slowly start to see the things that made your relationship great vanish, one by one.

Respect is the glue that holds relationships together, more often than not. If you notice these things in your relationship, chances are the respect in your marriage is slowly fading. It might be time to break things off or head into therapy.

These are 11 subtle signs respect is fading in a relationship

1. Forgetting major days or not being there when you need them

respect is fading from relationship where man is forgetting major days Prostock-studio / Shutterstock

It’s your birthday! Is your partner ready with a gift in hand? It’s your anniversary! Did your partner mark it off on the calendar or book a fancy-schmancy restaurant? Or, did they end up forgetting everything and ask for your forgiveness?

Forgetting major days of yours or having a certain level of absenteeism can happen from time to time. It’s worth pointing out that some people are just forgetful, especially our partners. With that said, it’s all about how often you remind your partner or ask them. If they turn it into a regular disappointment, it’s a sign they don’t actually respect your time or needs.

2. Treating one or the other like a servant

woman who treats man like a servant as a sign of respect fading from relationship LightField Studios / Shutterstock

This is a pretty obvious sign of disrespect, but it happens so frequently that it warrants discussion. People who respect you are grateful for all the little things you do, including things like doing the dishes, paying for dinner, or even driving you somewhere nearby.

Even if you are the type of person who likes to do things for your partner, it’s not respectful to treat you as a servant. If you notice your partner barking orders, it’s time to stop giving them good treatment. In no way does expecting you to act like a servant suggest that they respect you.

3. A lack of appreciation

man with a lack of appreciation for woman as a sign of respect fading in a relationship Face Stock / Shutterstock

People have become acutely aware of the power of gratitude in recent years. Gratitude has been scientifically proven to boost mood, encourage better well-being, and strengthen connections. Respect walks hand in hand with gratitude.

A simple show of gratitude, a “thank you,” or even just a smile and nod can mean so much these days. It costs nothing to show gratitude. If your partner can’t even afford some gratitude, it’s likely that they stopped respecting you.

4. Feeling like you have to demand respect

woman who feels like she has to demand respect as a sign of respect fading from the relationship fizkes / Shutterstock

In toxic relationships, one partner often feels like they have to bluntly tell their partner to be respectful. At times, it might even feel like you have to teach your partner basic manners, common decency, or general adult behavior.

Here’s a hint: adults know how to behave. They know. They are just refusing to do so. Trying to fix things like this is often a sign that you’ve lost your self-respect, so it might be time to rethink your relationship. Trust me when I say that there are people who get it.

5. Not taking no for an answer

man not taking no for an answer as a sign of respect fading from the relationship Prostock-studio / Shutterstock

Therapists are all about setting boundaries for a good reason. Boundaries are the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. You need to have certain things that are a hard no for you in order for things to remain comfortable.

Respecting boundaries is the bare minimum for respect. If you find yourself explaining why you don’t want to go to a certain restaurant your ex works at or regularly find yourself having to remind your partner that you’re not okay with something, this is a glaring red flag. At best, your partner doesn’t care about your needs. At worst, your relationship could be turning abusive.

6. Leaving each other out of plans

woman who leaves man out of plans as a sign of respect fading from the relationship PerfectWave / Shutterstock

Did your partner start to book friends’ outings without you, even when other people’s partners were there? It stung, didn’t it? It’s not just your imagination, nor is it something you’re overreacting to. The pain of social rejection is highly documented, even by the American Psychological Association.

When your partner purposefully leaves you out of group events, this isn’t just a sign that he’s losing respect for you. It’s also a sign that things really aren't going well in your relationship. This is a move guys pull when they are slowly trying to leave the relationship.

7. Mocking behavior

man who mocks woman as a sign respect is fading from the relationship Ground Picture / Shutterstock

Most of us have experienced that type of person who likes to joke about things you’re sensitive about. Perhaps it was an offhand jab at your weight, or maybe it was a not-funny joke about your job. Regardless of what it is, that joke didn’t make you laugh and really just felt like they were trying to hurt you, didn’t it?

When called out on this behavior, they may say they were just joking. That kind of underhanded, two-faced jab isn’t a joke. They’re making fun of you, and it’s a clear sign that they do not respect you as much as they claim to.

8. Constant criticism

woman who constantly criticizes man as sign respect is fading from the relationship Prostock-studio / Shutterstock

What happens when those mean jokes stop their faux-funny veneer and just become really mean remarks? Well, that’s what this point is about. While it’s normal to bring up concerns about a partner’s behavior in a relationship, it’s not normal to hear barbs about you on a regular basis.

If you notice your partner making comments about your weight, doing that exhausted sigh when you don’t meet their expectations, or talking about how awful you are, it's a sign that any respect they had for you faded out years ago.

9. Hiding the relationship from others

man who is hiding the relationship from others as a sign respect is fading in the relationship Kmpzzz / Shutterstock

Here’s a wild fact I learned firsthand: people don’t always lie about their relationship status because they want to cheat. Though it’s rare, there are some instances where someone will do this because they are actually embarrassed to be associated with you.

There’s no way to really heal the hurt that comes from realizing your partner has been treating you like a dirty little secret. It should be a dealbreaker for you. After all, someone who respects you will be proud to call you their partner.

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10. Comparing you to an ex

man who compares woman to an ex as a sign the relationship is fading PeopleImages / Shutterstock

One thing that should almost never happen is hearing your partner compare you to their exes. Relationships should be about you and your partner, not anyone else. A person who keeps comparing you to others doesn’t respect you or see you as a prize.

People who do this often have unresolved issues about their last relationship. Or worse, they might be trying to pit you against others in order to manipulate you. Either way, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that this is highly disrespectful behavior.

11. Putting each other last on your list of priorities

couple who put each other last as a sign respect is fading from relationship Zamrznuti tonovi / Shutterstock

Does it take a week to get a text back from your person? When you tell them that you really need them to do something, do they dawdle or bail? When you tell them that you need them to prioritize you, do they let out an annoyed sigh? Do they continually leave chores for you to do, even when you’re overworked?

All of those things have one thing in common: they're making it clear that you’re not a priority. Depending on what you’re asking them to do, it could be a sign that they're actually going out of their way to deprioritize you.

Does anyone really need that level of disrespect? If you ask me, the answer is a very clear no.

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.