If Your Relationship Feels Quiet In A Way That Doesn’t Feel Good, These 10 Changes Can Help Quickly
PeopleImages | Shutterstock Monotony is defined as the lack of variety and interest. Sooner or later, there comes a point in our lives where life becomes routine — that's normal. But if it feels like your relationship starts to feel quiet in a way that doesn't feel good, or whenever someone asks you what’s new, the answer is always, “Same old, same old,” it's time to probe further. Sometimes, when you wake up in the morning, you feel as if there’s nothing to look forward to.
You know exactly how your day is going to pan out from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed. That’s when you know you’re stuck in a monotonous rut. There is nothing wrong with having a predictable, disciplined, and stable life. However, sometimes you need to get out of your comfort zone and do something to keep the spark alive.
We get so involved in our lives and comfort zones that we don’t make time for any adventures. Remember, adventure may hurt you, but monotony will kill you. The worst type of monotony we can experience occurs in our personal relationships, especially romantic ones. It’s often hard to break away from it, but these intentional changes can help.
If your relationship feels quiet in a way that doesn’t feel good, these 10 changes can help quickly:
1. Communicate with each other
It doesn’t always happen that both parties in the relationship feel the monotony. One person may be very involved in their own routine to even realize how the other person is feeling. Therefore, it is crucial to let the other party know how you’re feeling about the stagnancy in order to work towards making it better.
An overview of 64 studies confirmed that how couples talk to each other directly predicts where their relationship is headed, and that negative communication patterns are even linked to breakups. If something feels off, saying it out loud gives you a chance to fix it, but staying quiet just lets it fester.
2. Take a time out with each other
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If the monotony has set in, it is important to set time aside for one another. You can spend that time at home or go out, whatever floats your boat. It is essential to break away from the routine and spend time with your significant other without any distractions.
Research found that couples who spent more time together, actually talking, reported stronger marriages and greater closeness. And it wasn't about deep heart-to-hearts every night either, because even casual everyday conversations made a bigger difference than most people would expect.
3. Get out of your comfort zone
We get so tied up in our everyday lives that we can’t imagine what it would be like to get out of our comfort zones to do something. Take up an adventure or something you normally wouldn’t do, get that adrenaline rush that will help bind your relationship together, and leave you wanting more.
Couples who did something new and exciting together got a real boost in relationship quality, even when the activity only lasted seven minutes. Psychologists call it the self-expansion model, and it basically means we're wired to grow, so when your relationship is the thing helping you do that, you naturally feel closer to your partner.
4. Try a new activity together
The world is full of choices. In fact, one is spoilt for choice. Rather than being in the normal work-home rut, try a new activity that your partner and you both enjoy. It could be a new sport, a class, or a hobby. Whatever it is, it will help you look forward to your time with each other.
A 2025 study confirmed that couples who share novel experiences feel more satisfied, more attracted to each other, and better at keeping the spark alive long-term. The only real requirement is that it's new and you're doing it together.
5. Take a trip together
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I cannot emphasize how important it is to travel as a couple. From planning to execution, it will only bring you closer and, more importantly, it will help in getting to know each other’s likes and dislikes a lot better.
A 2024 study found that couples who vacation together and try new things during the trip report higher satisfaction and more passion when they get home. And it didn't matter whether they'd been together three months or thirty years, because the benefits held up across the board.
6. Surprise each other
It is such a wonderful feeling to get a surprise from another person. It doesn’t have to be some grand gesture, but just the thought counts. Rather than always agreeing to what your partner wants or saying “whatever you want” to everything, plan something from start to finish and surprise them. This will bring back the lost spark in your relationship.
7. Spend time apart
A happy and successful relationship doesn’t involve two people being joined at the hip. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Having your own set of things to do and then coming back to your partner will help you feel more fulfilled in your relationship.
Being in a relationship shouldn’t involve a person losing their identity to become one. In fact, two people need to maintain their separate identities and realize how much they miss each other while spending time apart.
8. Discuss old memories
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As time goes on, two people who are in a long-term relationship may end up having very few things to talk about. Silence can be troubling to some people, and if you are one of them, the best way to talk about new things is by reminiscing about old memories. Sure, there must be a lot you would’ve experienced together, and talking about it will only bring you closer.
Researchers found that romantic nostalgia, basically taking a moment to reminisce about good times you've shared, was linked to more commitment, satisfaction, and closeness. People even reported better relationship days on days they thought back on a happy shared memory, no matter how much actual time they'd spent with their partner.
9. Make deliberate changes
No two people are perfect; there have to be things and habits you don’t like about your partner and vice versa. Rather than letting it be as it is, it is a very thoughtful gesture to try to work deliberately towards correcting them. It will make your partner know how much you love and appreciate them.
People who believe relationships can be strengthened through effort experienced a slower decline in satisfaction over two years, according to one study. The couples who actively tried to improve things rather than just accept the status quo were the ones who stayed happier longer.
10. Research
The moment you realize you’re getting stuck in any kind of routine, research things that your partner and you will enjoy together. Try something new every week. It doesn’t need to be something big, just some small thing or activity that will keep you on your toes.
It will help you look forward to something and keep things moving. When monotony strikes in, life becomes complacent. We lose the drive and want to do things differently. We get so stuck in our ways and routine that it becomes hard to break free.
However, if we don’t make a change, our relationship will suffer. We will be resentful towards our partner and our relationship for becoming the way it is. The sooner you can address this issue, the better it will be in the long run.
See what works for you. Each person is different, and different things can help break life’s monotony. It’s not fair to let the relationship suffer just because you don’t want to put time and effort into making both your lives better. Remember, it is crucial to prevent a relationship from getting boring.
Tanzeela Sareea is an entrepreneur and hobbyist writer whose work has been featured on Unwritten and Project Wednesday. They focus on topics of travel, relationships, and psychology.
