4 Relationship Habits That Feel Normal When You're Young — But Hurt You Later
Gorgev | Shutterstock Most people grow up dreaming about meeting their soulmate and building a relationship that feels easy and harmonious. When you're young, it's natural to pick up relationship habits that seem loving or harmless at the time. But over time, some of those patterns — especially around communication, trust, intimacy, and personal growth — can create distance instead of closeness.
What feels normal in your early relationships doesn't always support a healthy, long-term partnership. If you want something that lasts, it helps to recognize the relationship habits that can hurt you later, and start adjusting them before they begin eating away at your connection.
Here are 4 relationship habits that feel normal when you're young — but hurt you later:
1. Expecting your partner to live up to every expectation
Sometimes our lovers don’t live up to our expectations, which can lead to conflict and mistakes. Maybe your significant other is more focused on their fantasy football league than their career, which bothers you. And maybe you’re not as passionate as your partner likes. If you want to resolve the conflict, start by improving yourself. Being attentive to your partner’s needs and behavior also really helps.
"Focus on sharing how you feel without providing your opinion of your partner’s actions," advised dating coaches Orna and Matthew Walters. "Authenticity has a high vibration, and when you communicate authentically, you invite your partner to meet you at a high level of authenticity. When the two of you are authentic, you can create true intimacy and connection."
2. Slowly pulling away instead of sharing your life
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If you don’t call your partner to share about your life, you’ll lose intimacy and trust in your relationship. Because social media is so firmly entrenched in our lives, though, we may be more likely to share good news on Twitter than call our spouse. However, refusing to share with our partners upfront can create problems in our relationships.
Life coach Ann Papayoti explained why valuing communication is important: "Consider always giving one another the benefit of the doubt, always being willing to address whatever you’re feeling promptly, and asking for what you need emotionally to remove guesswork and defensiveness. High levels of trust between partners are crucial for intimacy, effective communication, relationship satisfaction, and overall stability. Conversely, lacking trust can lead to conflict, insecurity, and potential relationship breakdown. "
3. Assuming the relationship will grow even if you don't
If you want to have a harmonious relationship, it’s important to improve yourself alongside your partner. If you don’t, the gap between you and your significant other will continue to grow, and you’ll drift apart.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” If one person's direction is personal growth and the other's is just daydreams, you could be headed for a breakup.
4. Brushing off small trust issues because they don't seem like a big deal
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A lack of trust leads to a loss of reliability and security in your relationship. Losing trust in a partner can affect both people in a relationship. Your significant other may begin to reproach, interrogate, and guilt you if you breach the trust in your relationship. They also may try to take away your freedom, and you’ll have to fight to earn it back.
"You can imagine quick fixes of a few acts will not work," consultant Ruth Schimel, Ph.D., clarified. "Since you don't exist in a vacuum, honoring your own needs and preferences and what others want brings natural tensions. To work through them, start with yourself. Your foundation is based on becoming and being clear about who you are, what you want, and how you relate to people who are important to you."
If you feel like your relationship is hurting, be mindful of these common mistakes that can pull couples apart. If your relationship is struggling, work to rebuild trust, intimacy, and support in your partnership for a harmonious future.
Unwritten is a website covering relationships, dating, and love.
