11 Condescending Phrases Many Wives Say To Their Husbands Without Realizing How Bad They Sound
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock A wife's intention is never to be discouraging or hurtful to her husband. While wives experience their fair share of frustrations in a marriage — and, really, what couple doesn't? — at the end of the day, women do their best to make their marriages work long-term. Even so, anger has a way of taking over the best of us, and when a woman is at her limit, there are certain condescending phrases many wives say to their husbands without realizing how bad they sound.
Couples are bound to have disagreements, differing opinions, or just be annoyed by each other's habits. And while it may seem like couples who do these things aren't in a healthy partnership, being irritated by a spouse is completely normal; in fact, according to relationship coach Kira Asatryan, it's actually a sign of a good relationship. Still, it's essential for partners to pay close attention to the words they use with one another, as they may sound disdainful without noticing.
Here are 11 condescending phrases many wives say to their husbands without realizing how bad they sound
1. 'That's common sense'
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Built-up frustration and resentment have a way of bringing the worst out in a person. But there's no denying that saying this phrase over and over again can bring the healthiest marriages to a standstill. After all, being targeted or demeaned doesn't make for a healthy relationship, and it may be a huge sign that a wife should take a step back and focus on her own well-being.
As social psychologist Nathan A. Heflick explained, "We tend to be more aggressive when our self-worth has been challenged and we are not feeling particularly positive about ourselves. When our self-esteem is threatened, we are more likely to compare ourselves to people we think are worse off than us, to see other people as having more negative traits, to degrade people who aren't members of our groups, and to become more directly aggressive towards people in general."
2. 'You're doing it all wrong'
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Everyone has a specific way of doing things. Whether it's loading the dishwasher or grocery shopping in a careful manner, people have systems that work best for them. Does that mean other people's systems are wrong? No, it's just preference. However, for those who are perfectionists, it's easy to get annoyed by someone else's habits or behavior.
Whether it's "you're doing it all wrong" or "that's not how this works," these are a few of the condescending phrases many wives say to their husbands without realizing how bad they sound. During these moments, it's crucial for couples to have patience with one another, rather than speak down to their spouse.
3. 'Of course you don't understand'
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Since men and women both have their different experiences in life, it isn't always possible to completely understand one another. And while it might be frustrating, saying, "Of course you don't understand" is quite condescending.
As psychotherapist F. Diane Barth pointed out, "From the very beginning of our lives, we need another person to reflect back to us that they see us in all of our complexity and that they care about us, even with our flaws and limitations." Everyone wants to feel heard and appreciated, but during certain circumstances, a husband might not always understand where his wife is coming from.
4. 'Why do I have to explain everything to you?'
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There's nothing more frustrating than a woman needing to repeat herself multiple times. It doesn't matter whether that person was paying attention or not, because feeling disregarded and unheard is a painful feeling. She may utter this phrase in her frustration, and while it's a bit harsh, it's clear there are some emotions buried underneath the surface.
Maybe she's tried to open up in the past only to be shut down. Maybe a man is feigning incompetence just so he doesn't have to do things he doesn't want to do. Either way, she's done and fed up. During moments like these, women should find a way to cool down and then figure out what they want to do.
Do they want to try expressing themselves again calmly? Do they want to explore therapy? Or, is it better to give up on their marriage completely? Because these are tough questions, conserving their energy instead of wasting it on being condescending should be one of their top priorities.
5. 'Do you even think?'
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There are different levels of frustration and anger. While some women do their best to be understanding despite their feelings, others snap. Without realizing how pent up their emotions are, they may be condescending towards their husbands and ask, "Do you even think?"
She's tired of something in her marriage, which is why she's angry in the first place. Yet, while her feelings are understandable, according to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, being disrespected leads to greater aggression. So, it's crucial not to waste too much time in anger, as it's a waste of energy and tears.
6. 'It's okay, I fixed it'
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Women do their best to be understanding towards their spouse, because they understand that marriage is all about compromise. And while both men and women have a way of doing things, during small moments like this, it's easy to get angry.
Angrily folding a towel, she might utter this phrase while rolling her eyes. Yet, while her feelings are valid, it's crucial to communicate and give grace. It takes months to develop a habit, and developing one isn't a straight line. People are bound to revert to their old patterns, which is why it's important to remain patient.
7. 'That's not what I would've done'
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Whether it's "that's not what I would've done" or "what a weird way to do that," these are some condescending phrases many wives say to their husbands without realizing how bad they sound. Now, it's frustrating to see someone do something completely different from what they anticipated, but it's never acceptable to be so rude to a spouse.
No matter how much a man might have tried to help out, for some women, their perfectionist tendencies can get the better of them and they may lash out. Unfortunately, according to a 2022 study, perfectionists are more likely "to perceive more stress and have an increased probability of an increased level of social anxiety."
Women might cope with this by using hurtful language on their partner. From demeaning the way he does things to brushing it off completely, women must find healthier ways to cope with their stress; otherwise, it might just impact their marriage in the long run.
8. 'Are you sure you did things correctly?'
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When someone has let a woman down too many times, it's normal for her to be anxious. As much as a man might reassure her that everything is fine, if he doesn't have the best track record, she may ask, "Are you sure you did things right?"
In an ideal world, she could learn to trust and lean on her partner. However, trust is earned, and it's hard to bring back into a marriage when it's been destroyed. According to licensed marriage and family therapist Kayla Crane, it can take years for couples to rebuild trust, depending on the type of betrayal.
9. 'Wow, I didn't think you'd remember'
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There's plenty of frustrations women have in their marriage. She may be used to feeling ignored or forgotten, and whether her husband meant to or not, his casual disregard for the little things can manifest into her having zero faith in him. So, when he does remember something, she feigns surprise in a mocking way.
While a husband will become annoyed and frustrated by being talked down to, it all comes from a place of hurt. She's sad it took him this long to remember, and he's confused that she maybe didn't communicate that to him. And while both perspectives are valid, be careful with contempt because, according to the Gottman Institute, contempt is the number one predictor of divorce.
10. 'I already knew this would happen'
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Perhaps one of the most condescending phrases many wives say to their husbands without realizing how bad they sound is "I already knew this would happen." Because once a woman loses faith in a man, everything he does is a disappointment. It doesn't matter how hard he tries to make it work or tries to change — after he's gone down that slippery slope, it's hard to rebuild.
She expects hurt and disappointment at this point. So, every time he inevitably messes up, she may utter this phrase to rub it in. It's not a nice thing for anyone to say to their spouse, but her frustration is understandable. She's so fed up that she doesn't care how her words impact those around her.
11. 'I don't expect you to get it'
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When a husband has disregarded his wife's feelings one too many times, she may begin to check out emotionally and mentally. Unfortunately, when people feel like they don't matter, they face higher levels of loneliness, which can create negative health outcomes and make them more vulnerable to stress and anxiety.
These types of phrases may be normal for couples to hear or utter; however, just because it's normal doesn't mean it's healthy. If a couple truly wants to break out of this hurt and into a healthier marriage, change has to start with both parties.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
