Men Who Rarely Talk About Feelings Usually Do These 11 Things Instead
simona pilolla 2 / Shutterstock There are few people who are as unique in their communication styles as a quiet man. A man of few words tends to be the person who remains enigmatic, sometimes to the point of it being problematic. At times, you just want to poke him and prod him and ask, “What is going on with you?”
Men who don’t speak much about their feelings still do feel. It’s just that it comes out in different ways, such as these things instead.
Men who rarely talk about feelings usually do these 11 things instead
1. They say it with their expressions
Juanmonino from Getty Images via Canva
You don’t always have to talk and keep an open discourse to get your point across. A paper from the University of Texas Permian Basin states that about 55% of all communication is through body language, with an additional 38% through the tone of our speech.
In other words, most of humanity sees things through how we say something, not what we say. Men who don’t talk much about their feelings often will show it through their expressions, such as an exasperated eye roll, a shrug of the shoulder, or a quiet hug. He’s still talking. Just not with his mouth.
2. They shut themselves away
Xiao Cai from Xiao Cai's Images via Canva
I had an ex who would cloister himself in his room whenever he was overwhelmed with emotions, fear, or anger. He would never say anything when he did it aside from a quick “Please excuse me,” either. He’d just walk off and close the door, locking it if I asked what was up.
I call this habit cloistering because you’re literally closing yourself off from the world. This is a habit that can be born from issues they had in the past. However, if this is a new behavior, it may be a sign that the man you’re with might have just emotionally checked out.
3. They show their feelings through their actions
ViktoriiaNovokhatska from Getty Images via Canva
The way a person processes emotions almost always involves some kind of self-expression. Men are socialized not to talk about feelings, since it’s often taken as a sign of weakness. Unsurprisingly, studies have shown that men often regulate their emotions through actions rather than words.
Let’s say that a situation really angered someone. How they react might change based on their gender. While women would talk it out, men might do something like go to a “wreck room” and break a vase.
4. They display their emotions through gifts
Zulqarnain's Images via Canva
Some men don’t really say how they feel about the women in their lives. Rather than say something or try to do something romantic, they often will show it by offering their partner gifts, often lavish ones.
Men who do this often feel like the money or provisions they bring in are the value they bring to a relationship table. However, it might not be a matter of insecurity. Sometimes, it’s because giving can actually make them feel better, too.
5. They stonewall (aka give the silent treatment)
princessdlaf from Getty Images Signature via Canva
Stonewalling is not the same as cloistering. A man who cloisters will often tell you, “Hey, I’m not okay. I need alone time. Give me a break,” before he leaves. He might also tell you that it’s not your fault, assuming it isn’t your fault.
Stonewalling is different because it’s basically a vindictive form of the silent treatment. It’s when a man shuts down all his interactions with you, becoming a brick of ice, until he gets his way. It’s a way to hurt you. If you can’t guess, this behavior is very toxic, which is why the Gottman Institute calls it one of the “Four Horsemen” of relationship endings.
6. They brush things off with jokes
Karola G from Pexels via Canva
There was one scene in Malcolm in the Middle where Hal kept trying to get his dad to have a serious conversation about his feelings. Every time Hal broached the subject, his father would avoid it by tickling him, cracking a joke, or getting a laugh out of someone. It was clear that Hal’s father’s way of handling emotions was.
Though this was a cheesy 2000s sitcom, there was truth in this trope! Men who are truly uncomfortable with discussing feelings often will turn to humor to avoid it. Humor keeps things lighthearted, deflects pain, and also makes it hard for you to change the subject back. After all, no one wants to be the sour puss who keeps things serious, right?
7. Rely on facts to get his feelings across
SeventyFour from Getty Images via Canva
Most women have a guy who insists on doing everything based on logic and facts. Sometimes, they will even go so far as to warp facts and studies so that they can push a certain agenda. If you’ve ever gotten into an internet argument with a “logical” guy, you likely have seen it.
The Outline reported on a brilliant study showing that many men feel that showing logic (even if it’s not correct or logical) gives them the rush of feeling correct. This is often used to hide their feelings and insecurities behind lies. After all, you can’t argue with logic, right?
8. They hit the gym
Truecreatives via Canva
By now, men hitting the gym during a breakup has become a trope. Everyone has seen the classic internet advice of hitting the gym post-breakup. What most people don’t say is that gymming often becomes a healthy-ish way for men to take out their emotions without harming themselves.
Exercise helps create feel-good endorphins in your body, giving you a natural mood boost. So if he’s suffering, it makes sense for him to hit the gym to balance things out. However, gym culture can get toxic if your guy links up with the wrong people.
9. They go to ChatGPT
Kobe from Pexels via Canva
Though this is not a good idea for a variety of reasons, a growing number of men have started to converse with ChatGPT as a discount therapist. It makes sense. ChatGPT and other AI platforms are amiable, empathetic, and at times feel a little too human in their responses.
Men turn to AI because it’s both cheaper and less embarrassing for them than actually speaking to a person. Unfortunately, this is a bad move. Psychologists and psychotherapists warn against it because ChatGPT doesn’t have the guardrails that a normal therapist does. In other words, it can worsen whatever he’s going through.
10. They indulge themselves
pixelshot via Canva
This habit isn’t just a male thing, but a human thing. Many people who are going through serious emotional trauma will often overindulge in other vices to make themselves feel better. This is why there are many people who compulsively overeat or who go on late-night spending sprees on Amazon.
Indulging in something that makes you feel good can be healthy, in small doses. However, if a man’s using his love of all-you-can-eat buffets as a way to escape hurt, it’s likely not that healthy a thing.
11. They argue
Vitaly Gariev from Pexels via Canva
Did you ever notice how often men who are scared become very macho and belligerent? It almost seems like they’re trying to pick a fight with others, doesn’t it? Well, it’s not your imagination.
Men who aren’t comfortable voicing hurt or fear will often channel that discomfort into rage. This is because it’s often seen as more “manly” to get into a physical fight than it is to be the guy crying at a bar. Does this make it a good idea? Not at all. If anything, it just shows why men need to open up more.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
