If Your Parent Repeats These 11 Phrases, They're Worried About Losing You
Gladskikh Tatiana | Shutterstock As adult children grow up and out of the house, many parents struggle with their own identity and natural life shifts. If they've spent the last two decades forming their worth around taking care of others and being "needed" by their kids, this newfound sense of independence and autonomy can be scary, so they cope by finding new habits and behaviors that make them feel important.
Even in small conversations, if your parent repeats certain phrases, they're worried about losing you. Chances are, on top of this natural identity shift, they're also coping with the loneliness of aging and finding a new routine. They're trying to find ways to feel needed by their kids again, even if it comes across in misguided ways in their family conversations.
If your parent repeats these 11 phrases, they're worried about losing you
1. 'You're probably too busy for us'
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Even if it's not intentional, parents often use guilt-tripping to spend more time with their adult kids later in life, using phrases like "you're probably too busy for us" to seek out the quality time they're yearning for. While these conversations may offer a fleeting sense of comfort and reward them with time together, according to licensed marriage and family therapist Sarah Epstein, it often makes their kids feel more emotionally disconnected.
Their kids are building their own lives and trying to navigate adulthood, so natural disconnection from their parents isn't uncommon. However, when parents worry about losing their kids and pressure them to spend more time together, they're sabotaging the relationship as a whole, instead of dealing with their complex emotions.
2. 'I didn't want to bother you'
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The loneliness many parents experience later in life can often manifest through mental health struggles like anxiety. According to a study from Aging & Mental Health, the more anxious a person feels, the more worried they are about being a burden to the people in their lives.
From suppressing emotions to disconnecting from regular conversations, parents worried about being a burden may put their own well-being at risk. They're caught up in a parenting identity that urges them to "protect" their kids from discomfort and pressure, even if it means their own well-being gets worse.
3. 'We're always here for you'
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Even if adult children find a sense of autonomy by keeping their struggles and problems to themselves, and keeping the "good stuff" to share with their parents to feel a sense of pride, oftentimes parents want to feel needed. They want to offer their advice, even if it's sometimes shared at the wrong time, and be there to support their kids, so if your parents repeat phrases like "we're always here for you," they're likely worried about losing you.
Especially if they haven't built a routine or healthy habits to uplift themselves in their personal lives as empty nesters, they may find a sense of self-worth from being available for and helpful to their kids.
4. 'I know you don't need me anymore'
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Often playing on feelings of subconscious guilt and fear, a parent who repeats phrases like "I know you don't need me anymore" is worried about losing you. They've spent so much of their time, energy, and effort on keeping you safe and feeling "needed" as a parent that these new shifts and life changes are more than uncomfortable.
There's no right or wrong way to cope with these changes, especially considering parents often enter a period of grief where everything's changed in the face of their loss, at least according to a 2024 study. They're trying to reassure themselves and cope with uncomfortable feelings internally, even if those coping skills manifest in unhelpful, guilty phrases like this one.
5. 'I just wanted to see how you're doing'
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Small check-ins and more frequent phone calls are common amongst parents struggling with disconnection from their kids. They use their phones to stay connected, according to a study published in JAMA Psychiatry, especially with their kids, whom they feel a pressure to keep up with.
"I just wanted to see how you're doing" can be a sign that your parents are bored or interested in your life, but if they're always checking in, sending texts, and calling you, it could also be a sign that they're lonely and afraid of losing you completely.
6. 'I just worry about you'
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While the right amount of concern is healthy and bonding for a parent-child relationship later in life, if parents stress themselves out with too much worry, especially about things they can't control, it can quickly strain their relationships. According to a study from the University of Florida, people can very quickly become annoyed by other people worrying for them.
Especially for adult kids, it can chip away at their sense of autonomy and make them feel like they're not doing enough to be respected for their own choices and skills. So, a parent who says things like "I just worry about you" may be worried about losing you, but that doesn't justify overstepping boundaries and invalidating independent identities.
7. 'You're growing up so fast'
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If a parent is still struggling to cope with natural life changes and disconnection from their kids, they may use phrases like "you're growing up so fast" often. They've held onto memories and feelings associated with being needed, so noticing evidence that their kids are successful and happy on their own can throw off their internal coping mechanisms.
They're always shocked by big decisions and life choices from their kids, especially if they weren't a part of the decision-making process, and often take on an added layer of frustration when they feel disconnected.
8. 'You'll always be our baby'
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Clinging to a version of their kids that "needed" them and memories that uplifted the parent identity they're now coping with losing, parents who are afraid of losing their kids entirely may use phrases like "you'll always be our baby."
Even if it's a justification for calling more often, offering advice, or helping them with little chores, they find ways to continue to support their kids, even if it's not entirely "necessary."
9. 'I want to make sure you're okay'
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If your parent repeats phrases like "I want to make sure you're okay" often, they're worried about losing you. But if they're placing a bigger emphasis on supporting their adult kids than safeguarding their own well-being, this worry comes at a cost.
Of course, if parents aren't dealing with their needs and discomfort around disconnection from their kids, they may be more likely to extend support that harms their own well-being. They care so much about making sure that their kids are okay that burdening financial support and a constant availability for helping their kids takes away from their well-being later in life.
10. 'Do you remember this?'
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Bringing up old memories and clinging to nostalgia to feel closer to their kids is not uncommon for parents later in life, especially if they've struggled to find a new flow and routine that's simply for themselves. These moments of nostalgia and appreciation for the past offer comfort to people coping with life transitions, but it's important to set a limit to how focused you become on the past.
Without boundaries, "nostalgic depression" can creep in, where these old memories only serve as a reminder of loss or grief, rather than appreciation and sentimental feelings.
11. 'We miss you'
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From reaching out all the time to sending "we miss you" texts, parents afraid of losing their kids may cope by contacting them more often. Of course, this kind of communication is often healthy and bonding, but if it's a parent's sole way of coping with disconnection and discomfort, it can quickly shift into something else.
Adult kids who feel guilty for not responding or helping their own kids cope with their own independence may end up less connected with their families in the end. They want to feel supported and appreciated, of course, but parents should also be fully equipped to start their own season of life, just like their kids.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
