Empty Nesters Who Don't Love Their Lives Anymore Usually Do These 11 Things At Home
If the silence is getting loud, these signs might hit a little too hard.
Bricolage | Shutterstock Everyone makes being a parent after kids leave the nest sound so dreamy. No longer having to wake up in the early hours of the morning, being a parent with zero kids at home sounds like a vacation. That being said, empty nesters who don't love their lives anymore usually do certain things at home.
Now, it's not to say that they don't love the freedom. But after not seeing their kids for months on end, being an empty nester can be depressing. So, if you're struggling with your kids leaving, know that you aren't alone. Yet, if you exhibit any of these signs, it might be a good idea to seek professional help or, better yet, strengthen your support system.
Empty nesters who don't love their lives anymore usually do these 11 things at home:
1. They keep their kids' room frozen in time
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Empty nesters who no longer love their lives often keep their kids' rooms untouched, even though their children no longer live there. As most parents understand, it's never easy to see kids leave home. Some make the most of it, while others dwell on the past and cling to memories. By refusing to redecorate their children's rooms, they justify it by saying, "Well, just in case."
Yet, this just-in-case moment often leads to keeping their kids' room untouched for years, even after they have moved out. That said, if someone is a parent wanting a 'just-in-case room,' try redecorating it. They don't need to turn it into an office or craft room; however, finding a way to make that room feel personal is very important. As clinical psychologists Shoba Sreenivasan, Ph.D., and Linda E. Weinberger, Ph.D., said, "Decorating to make your home a psychological comfort zone is not a luxury; it is core to your well-being." So, start small and take it slowly — step by step, they can gradually make it their own.
2. They stop hosting or inviting people over
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In the past, these parents might have loved to host or entertain their guests. With a lot of newfound energy, they would gather their whole family and prepare the home for visitors. However, things have changed since their kids left the nest. No longer having the extra helping hands or their positive energy, an empathy nester who no longer enjoys their life usually stops hosting or entertaining.
In their eyes, there's no point in hosting when hardly anyone would show up. With their kids gone, empty nesters rarely invite people over. On the surface, it doesn't seem like a big deal. However, empty nesters should be cautious about isolation, as it can spiral and harm most people's mental health. According to the American Psychological Association, there's a link between isolation and depression. That's why it's important to invite people over, even if it seems pointless at first. It not only helps them come out of their shell but can also be very helpful if they're going through a period of depression.
3. They avoid decorating for the holidays
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When kids are young, most parents happily decorate their homes with colorful lights and signs. However, as they get older, a parent's enthusiasm for decorating often diminishes. That's why empty nesters who no longer love their lives tend to avoid decorating for the holidays. It’s disappointing, but sometimes their kids aren't around to celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving together.
Whether it's because they're spending time at their in-laws' house or because they can't catch a flight on time, many parents feel unmotivated to decorate for Christmas. However, it might be time to put up that Christmas tree. Play some Christmas music and enjoy it. Invite friends over or spend time with your partner; either way, enjoy the holiday season. There's plenty of fun to be had, even if their kids aren't home.
4. They watch too much TV or scroll endlessly
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There's nothing wrong with empty nesters relaxing for a few months after their kids leave. As most parents know, being a parent is a full-time job that hardly allows for breaks. However, after some time, empty nesters who no longer love their lives tend to watch too much TV or scroll endlessly. In the beginning, it was a way to de-stress and have fun. However, some parents who do this do it out of loneliness.
For over 18 years, parents have shaped their lives around their children. But once there are no more children at home, empty nesters often feel lost. This leads them to spend a lot of time watching TV or scrolling social media. While it may seem normal, doing this constantly is a big sign that they are still grieving a lot.
5. They let the house get cluttered
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Once parents have their children, they do everything they can to make their house a home. However, as their kids gradually leave the nest, an empty nester who no longer loves their life often lets their house become cluttered. No, they aren't trying to be lazy on purpose. It's just that once their kids leave the home, they haven't felt much motivation to take care of their house.
Everywhere they go, they notice reminders of their kids. From paintings on the walls to old clothes they used to wear, decluttering the home can be painful. So, if you're having trouble decluttering, start with one room at a time. While it may seem hard at first, according to a study published in 2022, daily cleaning can help lessen clutter-related stress.
6. They stop taking photos
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Most kids remember how many photos their parents used to take. Despite their kids complaining, parents couldn't help themselves. They wanted to capture every moment, which is why they have a scrapbook filled with images. That being said, empty nesters who no longer love their lives usually stop taking photos. In the beginning, they might not think much of it.
In their eyes, it makes sense they'd take fewer photos since their kids are hardly around. However, empty nesters gradually stop taking photos altogether, no longer seeing a point in updating people about their lives. They don't see their kids anymore and are alone most of the time. So, with a heavy heart, they put the camera down and wait until the holidays when they can see their kids again.
And while it's understandable, don't be afraid to go out and take pictures. Whether it's with friends or a partner, taking photos matters more than empty nesters realize. As consultant and author Andy Tix, Ph.D., said, "Studies find that taking photos of the good increases positive emotions such as gratitude and overall life satisfaction."
7. They work themselves to burnout
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With so much free time, empty nesters often devote a lot of their energy to work. Whether it's their job or gardening, they try to stay busy so they don't worry about their kids too much. However, empty nesters who no longer love their lives tend to work themselves to the point of burnout. It's understandable why they do what they do. The house feels too empty, and they need hobbies to fill their time.
However, it's important not to forget to take care of your health. No matter how tough it may seem, making time to rest is essential for your well-being. According to associate professor of anesthesiology and pain management Tiffany Moon, M.D., "Sleep and rest regulate cortisol levels, preventing the chronic stress that leads to burnout and disease." So, please, look after yourself. Even if it's just a thirty-minute nap, resting is vital.
8. They stop cooking real meals
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Everyone remembers how amazing their parents' home-cooked meals are. Not giving it much thought at the time, most of us look back on our childhood memories and miss those meals once we move out. That being said, empty nesters who no longer love their lives often stop cooking real meals. Similarly, kids miss those meals, and parents also long for their home cooking.
However, without anyone to truly enjoy it with, cooking can sometimes feel intimidating, which is why they often choose to order takeout. Of course, it's not healthy in the long run. Most people realize that eating out constantly is likely to cause issues later on. That's why meal prepping becomes essential; otherwise, empty nesters will nine times out of ten opt to eat out.
9. They replay old family videos constantly
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Empty nesters miss their children dearly once they leave the nest. After spending most of their lives raising them, it’s no surprise that they want to be reminded of them in any way they can. That’s why empty nesters who no longer love their lives often replay family videos constantly. They can't see their kids for various reasons. So, the next best thing is either to sit in their loneliness or look at memories.
Taking out the old photo album, many parents will spend a good amount of time reminiscing. Even if it isn't the healthiest, they can't help but keep looking at these memories. They miss their children and are finding ways to stay connected to them.
10. They fill the house with noise
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The worst part about children leaving home is the silence that follows. What used to be hearing their son scream at three in the morning has now become barely hearing the birds chirping outside their window. That's why empty nesters who no longer love their lives often fill the house with noise. It sounds simple, but filling the house with noise is the best way to feel less alone.
Not only does it fill in those awkward silences, but music in general can boost anyone's mood. According to associate professor emeritus Shahram Heshmat, Ph.D., "Music can redirect people's thoughts and feelings when they are anxious or worried." So, if an empty nester is struggling, try playing some music loudly. It may help more than they realize.
11. They obsess over the past
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Finally, the last thing empty nesters who no longer love their lives do is dwell too much on the past. Looking at pictures now and then is fine; however, it's another thing entirely to be so trapped in the past that empty nesters can't focus on the present. Still, those who are really struggling can't help but think about their children. Filled with sadness, they try to relive the good old days in the only way they know how.
That being said, balance is essential. According to American cultural historian and author Lawrence R. Samuel, Ph.D., "Thinking of the past is not necessarily bad, as brains are memory banks. However, focusing on regrets and 'what-ifs' can be troubling." So, as long as empty nesters are reminiscing about the good times, thinking about the past isn't harmful, as long as it doesn't take over their entire day.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
