Men Who Feel Like Failures In Life Often Do These 11 Things Around The People They Love Most

From over-apologizing to minimizing their own feelings, men who feel like failures in life often do these things around the people they love most. Whether it’s stemming from childhood trauma, changing life circumstances, or low self-esteem, these behaviors keep them stuck in a cycle of isolation and unhappiness.

Even if suppressing emotions in a general sense is said to be unhealthy, some studies actually show that repressing negative thought spirals and negative self-talk can improve self-esteem and encourage more confident behaviors. So, for men struggling with feelings of inadequacy or shame, the answer could be attacking those internal points of self-criticism and restructuring position thoughts to take their place.

Men who feel like failures in life often do these 11 things around the people they love most

1. They apologize after everything

man apologizing talking to a friend Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock

Men who feel like failures all the time and operate from a place of inadequacy tend to over-apologize. Whether it’s taking up the space they deserve in conversation, people-pleasing to protect the peace, or taking accountability for someone else’s mistake, they’re preemptively dealing with the annoyance they believe other people have when they’re around.

Even if it seems like it’s protecting their self-image, clinical psychologist Greg Chasson argues that over-apologizing actually negatively influences how others perceive us and burdens them with the emotional task of reassurance.

While the people who love them the most might reassure them in response, offering a bit of validation for people who don’t have their own sense of self-esteem, in places like the workplace or when meeting new people, this behavior can quickly become isolating.

2. They’re always trying to ‘fix’ things

man on the phone trying to fix things TetianaKtv | Shutterstock

Whether it’s a toxic relationship harming their well-being or a friendship that’s no longer meant for them, men who feel like failures feel a constant burden to “fix” everyone and everything around them all the time. They tend to take responsibility for other people’s mistakes and burden themselves with the “failings” of relationships, even if they did nothing wrong.

On the surface, these people may be successful. They may have a good job, seem confident, or be attractive to others, but on the inside, it’s negative thought spirals and patterns that convince them otherwise. They may subconsciously latch onto “fixing” as a means of compensating for their inner negativity, trying to “prove” that they’re worthy of things that may not be working out because they’re not the right fit.

3. They accept and tolerate misbehavior

very upset man accepting and tolerating misbehavior from his partner StockLab | Shutterstock

From a disrespectful partner to a toxic boss, and even manipulative behaviors from a “friend,” men who feel like failures in life often tolerate and accept misbehavior from people they love. In a weird, insidious way, they may even seek out toxic relationships and people, believing that the mistreatment they’re experiencing is somehow valid, because it aligns with the negative beliefs they carry about themselves.

It’s a trap of self-blame and even noticeable vulnerability that often keeps people stuck in this toxic cycle, where they don’t have the tools to stand up for themselves and subconsciously feel “deserving” of the negativity they’re experiencing.

4. They self-sabotage

self-sabotaging man looking out a window PeopleImages | Shutterstock

People who self-sabotage in their lives tend to be fueled by their own low self-esteem — it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. They behave in ways and accept things that confirm the negative biases they have toward themselves. For example, they may self-sabotage in a good relationship and act in a manipulative way, because deep down they don’t believe that they’re deserving of good, true love.

Of course, self-sabotaging behaviors can also stem from past toxic relationships and childhood trauma, but for the most part, it’s a symptom of a person who feels like a failure in life and weirdly finds control and comfort in reaffirming that belief.

5. They struggle with healthy commitment

man with commitment issues talking on the phone Julia Zavalishina | Shutterstock

Whether it’s harboring an anxious attachment style and clinging onto people too quickly or being generally avoidant and fleeing when things get too serious, men who feel like failures in life often struggle with healthy commitment, even around the people that they love the most.

Especially for insecure men who latch onto rigid, traditional social norms and expectations to feel a sense of belonging and control in their lives, embracing true, healthy vulnerability can be a challenge.

6. They obsess over status and materialism

man obsessing over status and materialism in his office AvokadoStudio | Shutterstock

Even though most insecure men who internally feel like failures aren’t narcissists, many overlapping behaviors characterize their mindsets. For example, narcissistic people have a foundation of insecurity and inadequacy that motivates their behaviors, like seeking status and being in a constant pursuit of attention.

Men who feel like failures in life may not engage in these behaviors to bolster their own inflated, misguided sense of superiority, like a narcissistic person does, but they do seek status, material possessions, and superficial success as a way to cope with their internal insecurities.

They think that by hiding their feelings of inadequacy behind tons of money and status, they can “prove” themselves worthy of the intimacy and connection they crave, even if it only isolates them further from truly healthy connections and interactions.

7. They talk a lot about the past

man looking at photo thinking about the past Twinsterphoto | Shutterstock

Men who feel like failures in life may cling to the past to feel a sense of belonging. While this dwelling on past versions of themselves and old memories may bring a certain element of comfort and offer space for them to “convince” people that they “used to be fun” or “used to be successful,” it often only transforms into nostalgic depression that keeps them stuck.

Even with people who love and care for them in the present moment, they may find themselves going back to old memories and living in the past, rather than carving out a similarly fulfilling and exciting future for themselves.

8. They minimize their own feelings

man minimizing his own feelings talking to his partner simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock

Whether it’s over-apologizing, giving people “outs” after hurting their feelings, or downplaying their own needs in a relationship, men who feel like failures are constantly living in the pursuit of other people’s comfort. Rather than protecting their peace, they’re protecting the comfort of the people around them — which not only sabotages healthy, balanced relationships, but continues the spiral of insecurity.

Even if it’s seemingly harmless behaviors like sugarcoating their own hurt or comparing themselves to others, this internal invalidation only sparks more shame and mistrust — leading men who feel like failures to push away the connection and validation they need to heal.

9. They isolate when they’re struggling

struggling man isolating himself at home PeopleImages | Shutterstock

Rather than reaching out to loved ones for support or asking for help, men who feel like failures often self-isolate to “deal with” their pain and suffering. They fear being a burden to the people who love them, even if support is truly what they need to heal.

Of course, as a Stanford Report explains, asking for help can be uncomfortable and difficult for everyone, but other people want to help and feel “needed” in this way. So, isolating themselves in moments of hardship isn’t doing what these men think it’s doing — it not only worsens their internal struggle, but it also disconnects them from feelings of connectedness with the people they love.

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10. They’re uncomfortable with compliments

man who's uncomfortable with compliments looking at his phone Prostock-studio | Shutterstock

Even if it seems ironic, people who deal with constant negative self-talk and insecurity often find comfort in people reassuring their misguided beliefs. When someone breaks up with them or talks poorly behind their back, it’s a weird kind of validation that what they’ve been telling themselves is somehow true.

That’s part of the reason why compliments, expressions of gratitude, and truly healthy love can be uncomfortable for men who feel like failures in life — they subtly invalidate the inner truths they cultivate.

11. They stifle their own dreams

sad man stifling his own dreams sitting alone MAYA LAB | Shutterstock

Men who feel like failures in life often stifle their own dreams and invalidate things that they’d otherwise be excited about, even around the people they love most. They often try to prove themselves worthy of their own basic needs in relationships, so imagining anything more than that feels both scary and impossible.

They’re living in a reality that’s defined by insecurity and shame, so it’s no surprise that they envision anything larger and more successful for themselves.

Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.