11 Phrases Baby Boomers Use As Compliments That Gen Z Finds Very Rude
It's all a misunderstanding, but that doesn't stop Gen Z from finding these boomer compliments offensive.
silverkblackstock / Shutterstock While many younger generations are more likely to ask for and appreciate validation and recognition in places like the workplace, according to a Gallup study, the way each generation compliments and praises one another can cause some tension. Especially when it comes to family dynamics and personal relationships, there are many phrases baby boomers use as compliments that Gen Z finds very rude.
Communication expectations, social norms, and ideas about politeness vary widely between generations, and this is certainly true between Gen Z and baby boomers. These two large groups of people experience two very different realities, so it’s not surprising that even in brief conversations, well-intentioned compliments can be misinterpreted.
Here are 11 phrases baby boomers use as compliments that Gen Z finds very rude
1. ‘You’re actually so smart’
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The word “actually” can often come across as condescending and patronizing, especially when it’s used in “compliments” from baby boomers who collectively make fun of Gen Z without saying it outright.
Whether it’s their work ethic, screen time, or intellect, many boomers contribute to stereotypes about Gen Z that inform compliments like “you’re actually so smart” or “you’re not like your generation at all.”
Many Gen Zers secretly struggle with older generations’ perceptions of their generation, but still often feel a sense of belonging with their peers and friends. They’re placed in a very different world and social situation than their boomer counterparts dealt with at the same age, so of course, they’re not going to understand their experiences and decisions.
2. ‘You look so healthy’
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Many people, especially older generations, have always been told that weight is an indicator of health — that a person’s “BMI” is all you need to know if they’re living a healthy lifestyle. Of course, a person’s weight can sometimes be linked with poor habits that affect their health, but for the most part, the two are not linked in the way people think.
Alongside harmful beauty standards that are innately linked with smallness and thinness, especially for women, a “compliment” like “you look so healthy” isn’t actually all that thoughtful to Gen Z. They’re not only aware that health and weight aren’t synonymous, they know that weight change and weight loss, which is usually what a phrase like this is pointing to, isn’t always a choice or a “good thing” that someone worked for.
It can be a sign of grief, mental health struggles, an eating disorder, or another health issue, so it’s not something to be celebrated. In fact, people shouldn’t be complimenting other people’s physical bodies at all, unless they know them well enough to understand their relationship with their bodies.
3. ‘I never would have guessed…’
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Any compliment that’s foundation is on an assumption is probably something that Gen Z finds rude. Not only that, hearing something like “I would’ve never guessed that’s who you’d end up with” can feel invalidating, especially when it’s an assumption made on self-expression and social perception that feeds into identity.
This is a subtle glimpse at the changing values between Gen Z and baby boomers. In conversations with younger generations, there’s often a layer of nuance that they expect — knowledge about identity and being willing to learn. However, for baby boomers, it can feel too complicated to try and too overwhelming to consider.
4. ‘You’d be so pretty if you smiled more’
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Hearing a phrase like “you’d be so pretty if you smiled more” is a universal experience for many women, but it’s not a compliment. In fact, it often objectifies women, suggesting that they’d be more approachable and beautiful if they performed joy for the male gaze.
The last thing that a mom shopping at a grocery store or a Gen Z woman running an errand wants to hear, no less from a man, is a so-called “compliment” like this.
5. ‘That’s an interesting outfit’
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Alongside other social norms and personal values, even more subtle things, such as clothing choices and physical self-expression, are changing radically between Gen Zers and their older counterparts.
That’s why “that’s an interesting outfit” is one of the phrases baby boomers use as a compliment that Gen Z finds very rude. It may sound harmless on the surface, but it often comes across as a passive-aggressive call-out about the tightness, color, or vibe of an outfit.
6. ‘You’re so much more confident than I would be’
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Even if phrases like “you’re so much more confident than I’d be” are really coming from a place of positive intent, they’re still rooted in misguided beauty standards and toxic values that hurt people’s feelings. For example, if a boomer says a comment like this to a woman living in a bigger body, chances are there’s no way she’s taking it as a compliment, as the underlying theme is that bigger should equate to insecurity.
However, Gen Zers are completely shifting away from traditional beauty standards and social norms, crafting their own way forward that’s not only more inclusive but also empowering for people without considering their appearance.
7. ‘You’ll make such a good wife one day’
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While technically this “compliment” can be directed at both men and women by baby boomers, it’s typically used toward women to characterize their future as a wife, rather than a person.
Many baby boomers, again, specifically women, were taught that marriage should be their main goal in life. So, of course, they never fathomed a single life, and for many, it just wasn’t an option, both personally and socially.
So, now, when they’re complimenting a woman on her intellect, warmth, and compassion, it’s always in relation to a man or marriage. Of course, this is one of the phrases boomers use a compliments that Gen Z finds very rude. Marriage is no longer the goal or center of many of their lives.
8. ‘You’re so mature for your age’
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Changing values, needs, and priorities for Gen Z have largely forced them to grow up quickly in the current state of the world. From dealing with student loan debt to grappling with financial and job insecurity and even paving their own way into adulthood without a ton of social support, their maturity wasn’t a choice, but a requirement.
That’s why a compliment like “you’re so mature for your age” can sometimes feel misguided. Their maturity is in response to trauma or needing to grow up quickly, and being recognized for it can often bring back the feelings of grief that come from a loss of young adulthood or childhood.
9. ‘You’re one of the good ones’
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Even though baby boomers and Gen Zers have more in common than they believe, they still tend to misunderstand and cultivate hostility toward each other in subtle ways. One of those ways is subtle, sometimes well-intentioned compliments like “you’re one of the good ones.”
Especially if they feel a sense of belonging within their generation and are particularly defensive about older generations speaking negatively about them, a phrase like this can be perceived as rude rather than heartwarming. They know the struggles their generation has faced, and even more about the way they’re misunderstood by other age groups and demographics.
10. ‘You’ll understand when you’re older’
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Baby boomers may unknowingly infantilize Gen Zers in their lives by using a “compliment” like “you’ll understand when you’re older.”
They believe they’re protecting their younger counterparts from harsh realities they’ve faced in their own life, even though Gen Zers probably already know about them. Even if they don’t, phrases like this feel demeaning, invalidating, and effortlessly passive-aggressive.
11. ‘You look so much better without all that makeup’
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Makeup is more nuanced in discussions of age, social perceptions, gender, and generational tensions that many people realize, at least according to a study published in the British Journal of Psychology.
For example, Gen Z people may use art as an artistic expression or to validate their identity, while for older boomer women, it’s a tool for validation or to align with beauty standards.
Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and we’re painting in broad strokes generationally, but that’s why a phrase like “you look so much better without all that makeup” is one of the phrases baby boomers use as compliments that Gen Z finds very rude and condescending.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
