People Who Are Naturally Caring But Never Get Invited Anywhere Usually Display These 11 Traits
If you are a deeply caring person who never gets invited to places, you might struggle with needing social validation.
GaudiLab / Shutterstock Some people give so much of themselves to their relationships and social interactions that they lose a significant part of themselves. Being caring comes naturally to them, but their nurturing treatment isn't always reciprocated.
When people who are naturally caring never get invited anywhere, it's often because they possess certain traits that make it tempting for others to take advantage of them. The fact that they aren't invited to social gatherings and the resulting lack of social interactions make them feel hurt and inadequate. As a result, they develop a vicious cycle of attempting to gain social acceptance and a sense of belonging while facing near-constant rejection.
People who are naturally caring but never get invited anywhere usually display these 11 traits
1. Excessive vulnerability
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When someone is naturally caring but never invited to or included in social gatherings, they will likely begin to display signs of excessive vulnerability. This vulnerability usually stems from feelings of loneliness as well as struggles with knowing their self-worth.
As a research review published in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine stated, “As a social species, humans rely on a safe, secure social surround to survive and thrive. Perceptions of social isolation, or loneliness, increase vigilance for threat and heighten feelings of vulnerability while also raising the desire to reconnect.”
Most people need to socialize in order to have a more positive relationship with themselves.
2. Emotional overinvestment
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When a person is naturally caring but is never invited to things, they start becoming emotionally overinvested in the relationships they do have. As social beings, people require connection with other people, so when this aspect of a person’s life is limited, they will cling to the people that they can connect with.
In an attempt to be validated after their lack of connection has made them question their self-worth and develop an intense amount of loneliness, a person will pour everything they have into relationships and become overly attached to those relationships.
Imani Bowman, a licensed mental health professional, notes that, “It’s completely natural to crave connection and meaningful relationships with others. The first step toward healthier attachments is self-awareness.”
3. Difficulty saying no
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If a person is often not invited to social events but is still naturally caring, they may struggle with saying no to others. With limited opportunities to satisfy their social needs, they will seek approval from others and fear judgment from them.
By being so kind to people and never inviting them to places, they may feel like they are not valued, which negatively impacts their self-worth. “People can’t say no when they are afraid of the judgment of others, when they think they have to earn love, acceptance, and respect from others by putting them first, or when they have a deep-seated need to seek approval from others,” according to the Centre for Emotional Education, an organization that provides emotional training to individuals.
4. Extreme helpfulness
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Individuals who are very caring but never get invited anywhere will usually display signs of being extremely helpful. These people have a deep desire to connect with others and a need for belonging due to a great majority of their self-worth being dictated by their approval from others.
As psychologists Mark R. Leary and Shira Gabriel explain, “A great deal of human behavior is motivated by the desire for acceptance and belonging, and a high proportion of people's emotional reactions stems from concerns with actual or potential social rejection.”
When a person is helping others even more than those people need help, it is usually out of the pursuit of acceptance.
5. Lack of social assertiveness
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Someone who never gets invited anywhere but is actually naturally caring will usually display a lack of social assertiveness. These individuals may start to care more about the needs of others rather than their own needs, and due to this, they will likely have a harder time being assertive and expressing their needs and feelings.
This behavior can stem from a fear of how caring more about oneself in certain moments may make another person feel. Licensed professional counselor Megan MacCutcheon says, “We tend to hold onto irrational belief systems that tell us we are responsible for the feelings of others. Thus, we avoid making requests that may create any form of discomfort or tension.”
6. Forgetful of their own needs
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If a person is naturally caring but never gets invited to anything, they are likely to be forgetful of their own needs. They likely are developing feelings of self-abandonment due to their lack of social connection, feelings of being undervalued, and the care they show others not being returned to them.
When a person constantly validates other people and assesses their every need, but never gets treated in the same way, it will trigger a cycle of them overlooking what they need in order to tend to the needs of others instead. This can become extremely unhealthy and decrease the person’s self-esteem.
7. Needing of validation
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When someone is naturally caring but is never invited anywhere, they will likely begin seeking validation from outside sources. They will seek this validation in hopes of developing a sense of belonging and self-worth.
When a person realizes that they are relying too heavily on validation from social connections, they should consider the ways they can achieve self-validation. “Try replacing your excessive validation-seeking behaviors and thoughts with self-soothing methods that work for you, such as mindfulness meditation and yoga,” recommends Shahida Arabi, MA.
8. Difficulty expressing their true self
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If someone is truly caring and they are never invited to things, they may have difficulties expressing their true self. This is likely due to their fear of rejection from others and their need to be socially validated and accepted.
“When a person has to mask in most, if not all, interpersonal contexts, they will lose connection with their Core Self. Their entire identity is buried under masks,” explains Terra Vance, an industrial and organizational psychology consultant. When a person goes so long without expressing who they really are, they will stop knowing how to express themselves at all.
9. Overthinking in regard to social cues
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A person who is naturally caring but is never invited to social events likely overthinks social cues. When someone cares about people deeply but has experienced a lot of rejection from those same people, they develop defensive mechanisms to deal with the feelings of insecurity and rejection.
“Overthinking social interactions can be a sign of low self esteem because it means we don’t feel safe as we could around others and fear rejection,” explains Rebecca Stambridge of Contented Mind, a counseling group that helps to provide mindfulness and well-being services to individuals.
Questioning what they said during interactions and what the other people said is their way of coping with not being treated as they treat others.
10. People-pleasing
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People who are naturally caring but never get invited to anything will typically develop a people pleaser mentality. As a way of trying to avoid being rejected and enhance the possibility that they will be socially accepted, they will do whatever pleases other people, even if it goes against what pleases them.
This can quickly become a dangerous mentality, as it opens the door for people to think they can treat someone poorly without any consequences. “By always saying yes to requests for favors, people may begin to take advantage of your kindness by asking for more than is reasonable. Even worse, you may become the target of exploitative people because they will quickly see that you can’t say no and take as much as they can from you,” explains Sherry Pagoto, a licensed clinical psychologist.
11. Over-committing
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Individuals who are naturally caring but never get the social validation from being invited to social events tend to over-commit and get burned out quickly due to taking on more than they can handle. In an attempt to be socially validated and due to their difficulty with saying no, they have a hard time accepting only as much as they can take.
This person may feel mentally or physically exhausted, but still will accept the extra duty if they believe it will result in social acceptance. It is important to remember that if you or someone you know has troubles with over-committing or any other traits that result from feeling a need for social validation, considering and determining limits as well as finding ways to self-validate is crucial to maintaining healthy mental and emotional well-being.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
