People Who Secretly Prefer Solitude Almost Always Do These 11 Things Happily
They're not afraid to prioritize their alone time.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Whether they're an introvert or a homebody, people who prefer solitude generally appreciate things that their extroverted counterparts despise — from silence to mindful habits, weekends with no plans, and going out alone. Their well-being, happiness, and energy levels all revolve around their alone time, as it's the safe place where they can regulate their emotions, reflect on their lives, and indulge in healthy and fulfilling hobbies.
People who secretly prefer solitude almost always do these things happily. Even if they do have a ton of friends or a social calendar to attend to, they'll take any chance they can to prioritize these hobbies and habits. From journaling to watching their comfort shows at home, these things ensure they show up in their social circles as their best selves.
People who secretly prefer solitude almost always do these 11 things happily
1. Going on dates alone
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Whether it's bringing a book to a bar, going to the movies alone, or strolling around the library with headphones in, people who secretly prefer solitude almost always go on solo dates happily. A study from the Journal of Marketing Research makes one thing clear: all your hobbies and interests are worth experiencing alone.
Even if other people, like that one extroverted friend, would prefer to do everything — from running errands to going out on the weekends — with other people, these solo dates provide a chance for introverts to connect with themselves. It's self-care you can do without feeling guilty, which often prompts several benefits, from heightened self-esteem to radical self-discipline.
2. Reading for hours
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Reading for hours and finding pleasure in the escape of a good novel are all things that people who love and appreciate solitude often do. Not only does the habit sharpen their mind, boost their cognitive abilities, and provide an escape from stress in their daily lives, but it also ironically boosts their ability to connect with others.
While extroverts may find perspective and boosted empathy through interacting with strangers on the street, people who secretly prefer solitude almost always get the same advantages by cracking open a book, at least according to a 2020 study.
3. Cooking for themselves
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While some people who'd prefer to go out for meals with friends or spend their free time socializing may despise cooking at home, it's often a self-care practice for people who truly love their alone time. Not only is it an intentional way to literally fuel themselves, but it's also a mindfulness exercise that often relieves stress and promotes a better mood.
According to social worker Julia Childs Heyl, cooking for yourself also tends to boost mental health and routines, offering people space for a daily habit that fuels both their physical body and mind. People who secretly prefer solitude almost always make time for cooking, even if it's just making a meal for one.
4. Solo traveling
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People who secretly prefer solitude almost always do things like solo traveling happily, even if their extroverted friends consider it to be a nightmare of a "worst case scenario" situation. It offers space for reflection, perspective, and quiet in ways that group trips can often sabotage without meaning to.
Clinical psychologist Francine Toder also argues that, in addition to mental health and the benefits of solitude, solo traveling also gives you the chance to be whoever you want. You can experiment with a new style without fear, try on new personalities, and connect with things that you'd otherwise overlook or avoid in your life.
It can grow your perspective and your personality, without the shadow of the person you've formed in your day-to-day life pushing you into rigid boxes or expectations.
5. Staying home on a Friday night
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While people who prefer to be home on a weekend may be grappling with stress from the workweek or yearning for time with their significant other, people who secretly prefer solitude prioritize it happily. They love being alone and the rest, insights, and calmness that define their solitude, so they say "no" to social plans and fill the time with things they enjoy instead.
According to a study from Scientific Reports, people who spend more time alone are often happier, less stressed, and more physically healthy than their counterparts over the course of their lives, especially if they enjoy and appreciate the benefits of their solitude.
Ironically, they're often less lonely than their extroverted counterparts, because they can fill their time, reflect, and show up as the best version of themselves in social situations by prioritizing alone time. Just because they have smaller social networks and less time socializing with others doesn't necessarily mean their social lives are less fulfilling or healthy.
6. Journaling
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Even if sitting alone with their thoughts and writing on paper for hours sounds excruciating for an extrovert, people who secretly prefer solitude almost always do these things happily. Of course, they love solitude for all the reasons you'd expect — it relieves their stress, offers a quiet and peaceful space for reflection, and often leaves them feeling reinvigorated and energized.
Journaling does the same thing, in a subtle and mindful way. Not only does expressive writing in a journal reduce general anxiety and emotional turmoil, like a study from Anxiety, Stress, & Coping explains, but it is also a productive tool for people to heal from deep-rooted trauma and struggle.
So, even if they're using it to create to-do lists for their day or venting about a social interaction on a superficial level, journaling is a mindful practice that offers them a moment of reconnection amid a bustling, social, and ever-evolving world.
7. Watching comfort movies and shows
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Especially for people who don't feel a sense of control or even a reinvigorating sense of energy from social interactions, coming home and watching comfort shows can offer that sense of peace they're missing in the world. Like psychology professor Jennifer V. Faygard explains, these familiar movies and shows give our brains a rest, especially for introverted people who use their alone time to unwind and relax.
People who secretly prefer solitude often yearn for a moment of mindfulness and self-reflection, so putting on a movie they've already watched or a comfort show that provides background noise are things they'll happily do.
8. Sitting alone in a cafe
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Along with solo dates to restaurants and movies, people who secretly prefer solitude always do things like sit outside or in a cafe happily. They may enjoy the hustle and bustle of other people around them, while still reaping the benefits of being alone. It's this kind of "community" that often appeals to introverts the most — they can still feel part of a collective, even if everyone is doing their own thing.
For people who want to experiment with going out alone, social psychologist Bella DePaulo suggests leaning into the discomfort. Don't let the fear of being judged by others preclude you from enjoying the benefits of alone time, because, generally, nobody is paying attention to you as much as you think.
9. Skipping parties and social events
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Saying "no" to going out or RSVPing to a party is something that many people who prefer solitude do happily. They might experience a bit of "FOMO," but for the meaningful relationships and connections they do keep close, skipping one event to prioritize alone time isn't turning them away.
When they need their solitude, they're not afraid to prioritize it, even if they technically don't have "any plans" when they're avoiding a social event, party, or gathering.
10. Enjoying silence
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According to therapist Michele DeMarco, embracing and feeling comfortable with silence is a superpower — giving introverted people the chance to regulate and reflect, whether they're around other people or alone at home.
They consider silence to be a safe place, rather than an awkward side effect of bad conversations and social interactions. Even if it's uncomfortable for extroverted people who always have something to say, people who prefer solitude almost always embrace the comfort of silence happily.
11. Staying silent in a group chat
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Many people who prefer their alone time are inherently thoughtful, intentional, and mindful, even in conversations with people online. People who stay quiet in the group chat may simply be listening, rather than contributing without something meaningful to say.
They still feel included, add their two cents when they have something to say, and make their friends feel important online, but people who secretly prefer solitude aren't responding and keeping up with texts for a sense of validation or comfort.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
