If You're Great At Small Talk But Need Alone Time To Recharge, You Probably Have These 3 Traits
Seem social, but need time to recharge solo? You might be an extroverted introvert.
Maples Images | Shutterstock Most people who've just met me think I'm extroverted. All outward-facing signs back it up: I can work a conference like nobody's business, and I will small-talk you until there is not one trivial life fact that I don't know. If there's a lull in the conversation, I'll fill it. If there's a dance floor, I'm on it.
I have no trepidations against introducing myself to strangers, and if you dare me to take a walk on the wild side, I'll probably do it. So for a long time, I assumed I was extroverted ... until I realized just how drained I felt at the end of a long day of being around other people. Once this a-ha moment hit me, I quickly figured out that while I can navigate social settings well, they exhaust me because, guess what? I'm an extroverted introvert — and if any of the following sound familiar, maybe you are, too.
If you're great at small talk but need alone time to recharge, you probably have these three traits:
1. You're socially skilled, but it zaps your energy
Being extroverted means you derive energy from being around other people. Extroverted introverts? Not so much. By the time I've introduced myself to you and asked about your child, your child's pet, your child's pet's name, and your child's pet's name that was actually the adopted name before you renamed it, my tank's already depleted a few notches.
Once that tank starts teetering on the verge of empty, you best believe my acting chops come out in full force, like some sort of deranged Shakespearean conversationalist, if Shakespeare were interested in the weather, your new haircut, or the colleges your step-daughter is applying to.
Extroverted introverts care deeply about learning about new people, but you know that slight panic you have when you're not sure how many miles your car has left and you can't, for the life of you, find a gas station? That's how we feel after interacting with other people all day.
2. You enjoy connection, but too much small talk leaves you depleted
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock
Even on extended girls' weekends, when I'm with people who are my best of best friends, who I've known for years and truly get the real, quirky me with all my myriad flaws, extensive conversation is still tough for me because my social battery is usually donezo by the end of the day.
There's only so much time I can spend shootin' the breeze before I need to physically step away from the chatter, even if it's good, deep, real chatter, and find a safe, quiet place. If there's a glass of wine and a good memoir in that safe, quiet place, even better.
3. You find peace and power in solitude
Being by myself is the place I'm most at peace. Simply: I love it better when you leave me alone for a while. (Do I sound like a recluse? I might be a recluse.)
But if I'm not a recluse, what does that make me? A social introvert? An extroverted introvert? An introvert who is well-versed in extroversion? I don't know, man. You decide. Maybe this study from 2022 will help you figure it out.
And while you're at it, I'll be over here in my den of peaceful serenity, petting my cat who doesn't talk, and charging my batteries for this upcoming weekend. Join me? You know what — wink — don't.
Andrea Zimmerman is the deputy editor of YourTango.
