If A Woman Uses These 11 Phrases, She's Probably A Nightmare To Be Married To
Don't ignore these red flags.
AYO Production | Shutterstock There are many reasons why people regularly ignore red flags in their dating lives, according to psychology professor Lawrence Josephs, at the expense of their relationships and well-being down the road. From assuming that first impressions are concrete representations of a person to believing that "we can change" someone's red flags, we set ourselves up for a lifetime of disappointment and frustration if we don't address, reconcile, and act on red flags as they come up.
While "red flags" and "icks" for male dating partners are circulated massively through online discourse, women's red flags are often overlooked — largely because of what researchers coin "the dark side" of emotional intelligence. Women can get away with saying things like "you owe me" or "you're lucky to have me" because of their perceived emotional status in a relationship. However, if a woman uses these phrases, she's probably a nightmare to be married to — so don't ignore them.
If a woman uses these 11 phrases, she's probably a nightmare to be married to
1. 'Can you do anything right?'
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According to psychotherapist Sara Nasserzadeh, there are six main ingredients you need to make a healthy relationship work, but there's a single fundamental foundation: respect. Without respect, partners struggle with self-esteem and personal identity, while also grappling with consequences within a shared partnership.
Although disrespect and constant criticism can manifest in subtle ways, especially early in a relationship where the "rose-colored glasses" are strong, if a woman uses phrases like "Can you do anything right?" or "you're so weird" all the time, she's probably a nightmare to be married to.
2. 'You're all mine'
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Possessiveness over a partner is often a sign of personal insecurity and anxious attachment, and unfortunately, it's a trait more common in women than in men. So, if a woman you're dating uses "you're all mine" or "Why were you talking to her?" constantly, she's probably a nightmare to be married to.
Even if it seems heartwarming or thoughtful at first to be wanted by someone in a jealous way, it only backfires down the road — causing resentment, frustration, and disconnection even in the most simple arenas, like talking to people at work or meeting up with friends.
3. 'I wasn't lying, I just didn't tell you'
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While dishonesty is often more common in male partners than in women, according to a study from Frontiers in Psychology, it's still one of the red flags that applies to all partners early on in a relationship, regardless of gender. Trust isn't just essential to healthy communication and deep intimacy growth — it's also the foundation of an entire relationship's well-being, including how partners feel and interact with each other.
So, if a woman says a phrase like "I wasn't lying, I just didn't tell you" to justify her dishonesty or something like "it's not a big deal" to invalidate your feelings, chances are she'll be a nightmare to be married to.
4. 'Can you wear something else?'
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Feeling accepted, heard, and valued in your authentic identity is incredibly important for healthy relationships, like a study from Psychological Assessment suggests. When we're forced to suppress certain emotions or "fix" certain parts of ourselves to make someone else more comfortable, chances are they're not the right person for us.
Having your personhood or identity invalidated by a partner can often be obvious, but sometimes, in casual passing conversations, phrases like this can be subtle. They pick apart your clothing choices, dismiss your emotions, and sometimes even talk poorly behind your back, trying to change things that should be fully accepted in a loving relationship.
5. 'I'm not fighting with you right now'
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According to a study shared during the International Association for Conflict Management conference, conflict avoidance is often gendered in relationships, with men avoiding it to "choose their battles" and women doing so to hide their feelings and cope with their anxiety about confrontation.
Even if it has specific root causes, conflict avoidance is a huge red flag in relationships. Having arguments, being vulnerable, and practicing how to resolve conflict with a partner are key to longevity and long-term health, even if it seems antithetical. Without these practices and strategies, concerns and complex emotions get suppressed, and each partner grows lonelier in their own relationship.
So, if a woman is always avoiding conflict with a phrase like "I'm not fighting with you right now," chances are she's a nightmare to be married to.
6. 'What's your problem?'
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Men tend to choose better partners and experience greater relationship satisfaction when they have a strong sense of emotional intelligence, according to a study from the Journal of Happiness Studies. However, men who struggle to express their emotions and be vulnerable in relationships often end up choosing equally evasive partners — demonizing a male partner's emotions and encouraging them to bottle up concerns.
That's why a phrase like "What's your problem?" is often a sign that a woman is probably going to be a nightmare to be married to. She not only makes out your emotions as something "to solve," rather than to support, she demonizes vulnerability that's essential for men to be successful in relationships.
7. 'Why can't you be more like them?'
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According to psychology expert Arash Emamzadeh, people who make comparisons in their relationships and hold their partners to unrealistic standards are not only personally happy and fulfilled, but they also put their partner's well-being at risk.
If a woman uses a phrase like "Why can you be more like them?" often in conversation, referring to other couples in their friend group or partners on social media, chances are she'll be a nightmare to be married to. Rather than working together to craft a unique relationship dynamic that works for them, they skip right to the outcome — trying to change their partner to be less authentic and more like somebody else.
8. 'It's always about you, isn't it?'
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Women who are chronic blame-shifters and "victims" will always find a way to weaponize another partner's insecurities for their benefit. Even if it's a phrase as unsuspecting as this one, coupled with a joke or sarcasm, it can be a "red flag" toward emotional manipulation.
They don't want to take accountability or be wrong about anything, so when their partner brings up a concern or shines a spotlight on their own bad behavior, it's a race for them to make it about someone else.
9. 'Whatever'
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A phrase like "whatever" is another subtle way for women to avoid confrontation and conflict in a relationship. Rather than being open about their concerns, emotions, and frustrations, they bottle them up inside, at the expense of their well-being and their relationship's happiness down the road.
Of course, this is more of a sign of a woman's internal insecurities than it is of their partner's emotional intelligence, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't be a nightmare to marry down the road — unable to resolve conflict or have a hard conversation without turning away.
10. 'You're lucky I put up with you'
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A phrase like "you're lucky I put up with you" is a huge red flag in a relationship. Despite power dynamics often playing a role in male partner red flags in relationships, this is a woman's way of doing the same, making herself seem more superior in an unbalanced connection.
Even if it comes across as subtle or sarcastic early in a relationship, if a woman uses a phrase like this, she's probably a nightmare to be married to. Not only is she subtly weaponizing a man's fear of abandonment by suggesting that he's "lucky" to have the bare minimum, she's isolating him from leaving by making him believe that she's doing him a service by staying.
11. 'Don't touch me'
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After an argument or when she's not getting her way, if a woman uses a phrase like "don't touch me," that's not necessarily a boundary, but a means for her to weaponize affection. Like a study from Emotion suggests, both the weaponizing of affection and the suppression of emotions in relationships can affect both partners' well-being, physically and emotionally.
Not only does it sabotage the bond between partners, it often sparks resentment quickly — leaving one person feeling more "on edge" and anxious around the other.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
