If A Wife Starts Spending Time On These 11 Things, Her Marriage Is In Trouble
Once she's checked out, it's hard to rebuild.
Dmytro Zinkevych | Shutterstock There's a misguided yet somewhat accurate guide to crafting a great relationship you've probably heard before: "Happy wife, happy life." Even if it seems silly, a study from Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology found that women's relationship satisfaction is more closely tied to potential separations than men's, along with things like the persistence of a woman's unhappiness in her relationship.
So, the longer her resentment, dissatisfaction, and unease linger, the more likely a couple is to end up separated or divorced. That's why it's incredibly important for their partners to recognize the signs that she's drifting apart, especially if things like communication and trust are suffering in the wake. Because if a wife starts spending time on these things, her marriage is in trouble.
If a wife starts spending time on these 11 things, her marriage is in trouble
1. Hanging out with unhappily married friends
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According to a study from the American Journal of Psychiatry, people who have close friends are happier in their general lives, but also often protect their aging process and longevity from harm. Social interaction is incredibly important, so if your wife is hanging out with friends, but still making space for quality time at home, everyone benefits.
However, the kinds of friends and the amount of time she spends away from home could be early red flags that her marriage is in trouble. Especially if she's taken a new interest in an unhappily married or single friend — likely bonding over shared experiences and complaints — and starts spending more time together, her relationship could be shifting.
2. Scrolling constantly on her phone
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Whether it's listening to self-help podcasts or scrolling aimlessly through social media, if your wife starts spending time on social media every second of every day, her marriage might be in trouble.
Not only is the mere presence of a phone disruptive to true connection, communication, and intimacy in a relationship, like a study from Scientific Reports suggests, but struggling to prioritize a partner while scrolling online is equally frustrating and disconnecting.
3. Working overtime
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While overtime at work and spending a few extra hours in the office aren't always signs of relationship dissatisfaction, but rather things like stress, heavy workloads, and responsibilities, if a wife starts spending time on these things without needing to, her marriage is in trouble.
Many people use work as a distraction for their personal lives, taking on extra projects and spending more time at the office when they want to ignore feelings of guilt, shame, fear, frustration, and resentment. But those internal feelings never truly go away.
While this avoidance and emotional suppression might feel right and comforting in the moment, it largely sabotages any future where couples can rekindle and reconnect — truly hurting the foundations of relationships and marriages, like a study from Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin argues.
4. Staying up later than normal
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Avoiding sleeping in the same room with her husband or even staying up late to avoid quality time together before bed could all be signs of a woman whose marriage is in trouble. If she's happy, comfortable, and safe in her marriage, she'll put her phone down, turn off the TV, or concede to an earlier bedtime just to be with her partner — for the most part.
By avoiding quality time and prioritizing her alone time in unbalanced ways, she could be running from certain feelings, conflicts, or confrontations.
5. Planning long solo trips
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When you get married, you're a partnership. That doesn't mean that you can't spend time alone; in fact, it's often incredibly healthy for you and your relationship to do so. However, when a woman starts spending more time alone than with her husband, planning solo trips and hanging out with people her partner doesn't know at all, there's a chance she's using it as a form of escapism, rather than rest.
While there's a spectrum of honesty and deception in relationships, sometimes it's not cheating or infidelity that makes partners feel most betrayed, but things like this — unexpected solo trips — that leave women's partners feeling abandoned and alone.
6. DMing old flings and partners
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Generally speaking, people who stay in contact more with their exes generally have deeper feelings than they imagine for them, which is why a wife spending more time catching up with old flings is also a sign her marriage is in trouble.
Of course, partners can decide and set their own boundaries and expectations in a marriage, but if a woman is texting behind her partner's back or hiding messages, there's something to be said about her secrecy.
7. Obsessively cleaning
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While cleaning your space and home could actually benefit personal mental health and relationships, a study from Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that people who obsessively clean their spaces are usually yearning for the sense of control that it offers them.
So if a woman is always cleaning or tidying up at home, ignoring her partner and quality time, chances are there's a sense of chaos or uncertainty at home, in her mind, or in the relationship that's urging her to seek control in unconventional ways.
8. Writing in a secretive journal
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While there are certainly many reasons for a person to consider journaling or keeping a diary more often, from physical health to psychological well-being, mental health, and even relationships in some cases, it's also one of the practices that a woman who's unhappy in her marriage may do often.
Especially if she's secretive about what's in her journal and doesn't talk a lot about the practice, what she writes about, or how she feels, there's a chance she's unpacking hefty emotions about the relationship without expressing them herself.
Using a journal in addition to active communication habits with a partner is key, because if you're only addressing your own emotions without considering the well-being of a partner, what kind of relationship is that?
9. Avoiding couples photos
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While things like quality time at home, physical touch, and resolving conflict are some of the larger indicators of relationship well-being, especially for marital partners, small things like taking photos or posting on social media can be equally telling. If a wife starts spending more time avoiding couple photos and starts tailoring her social media pages to feel "single," she may be unhappy in the marriage.
Especially if this is a change in behavior from earlier in the relationship, it could be worth having a conversation about if you're feeling uncertain about the state of the marriage.
10. Using her maiden name
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Many women in unhealthy or unhappy relationships experience a loss of personal identity, unable to reap the benefits of their own friendships, alone time, hobbies, lifestyles, or values in the wake of their marital issues. That's why a reclamation of a maiden name, especially amid relationship struggles or tensions, could be a sign of a wife whose marriage is in trouble.
It's wonderful to have a wife reclaiming a part of her identity and reconnecting with her own individuality, but if she's also using it to test the waters and see what else is out there for her, she could be thinking about separation.
11. Drastically changing her appearance
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According to a study from SAGE Open, dramatic changes to a person's body or appearance can all be stress responses — a sign that someone is coping with a great deal of emotional turmoil. However, if a woman is willingly chopping her hair off or changing her makeup routine, it could be a sign that her marriage is in trouble.
It's not always about appealing to other people and seeking attention either. She may be realizing that she's been forced into suppressing her own identity or self-expression by a partner, and refuses to do it any longer.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
