11 Moments That Quietly Break A Friend’s Heart, Even If They Don’t Show It

Sometimes we hurt our friends more than we'll ever know.

Written on Aug 15, 2025

Moments That Quietly Break A Friend’s Heart, Even If They Don’t Show It blvdone / Shutterstock
Advertisement

There are few connections as deep as being best friends with someone. And whether they have a relatively new but instantly tight friendship or a friendship that's lasted since childhood, even the closest friends are bound to break one another's hearts from time to time.

The moments that quietly break a friend's heart, even if they don't show it, often sneak up on both people, with one not really giving much consideration to their actions and the other not understanding how the action could have happened. Maintaining a friendship shouldn't be done thoughtlessly. From spending hours with one another to revealing deep secrets and traumas, breaking that connection without a second thought isn't only hurtful, but it's downright cruel, no matter what your intention may have been.

Here are 11 moments that quietly break a friend's heart, even if they don't show it

1. Being left out of plans

woman being left out of plans as she enjoys coffee alone fizkes | Shutterstock

One moment that quietly breaks a friend's heart, even if they don't show it, is being left out of plans. Nobody wants to feel abandoned by their friend. Whether they admit it or not, being left out stings for a multitude of reasons. From not feeling good enough to feeling unseen, leaving a friend out of plans is one of the most hurtful things people can do.

All of this stems from isolation. According to the American Psychological Association, loneliness and social isolation often lead to depression, poor quality sleep, impaired executive function, and cognitive decline. So, while it might sound dramatic, it's always best to communicate when in doubt. Otherwise, your friend might feel left behind, which could leave them worse off than when they started.

RELATED: Women Who Have No Friends As They Get Older Usually Have These 11 Reasons

Advertisement

2. Only hearing from them during the holidays

woman in stripped shirt visibility upset as she looks at phone and realizes she only hears from friends during the holidays fizkes | Shutterstock

Now, it's understandable that some friends go 'ghost mode.' When life gets busy, it's completely normal to go a week or so without texting. That being said, a moment that quietly breaks a friend's heart, even if they don't show it, is only hearing from them during the holidays.

Sorry, but unless it's a once in a blue moon 'my life is a mess' moment, there's no reason not to text a close friend until the holidays are rolling around. Not only is it a pity text for many, but it's also disrespectful. While someone doesn't owe them their time, it's common courtesy to make time for a friend, even if they're busy.

As psychologist Rick Hanson, Ph.D., said, "Modern life is full of distractions. Keep what is important to you as your focus."

This means that if someone is only texting during the holidays, they don't truly care for their friend, leading their friend to question where they stand in the relationship.

RELATED: 11 Things Frugal People Do That Make Their Friends Feel Guilty

Advertisement

3. Dismissing their feelings

woman in white shirt dismissing man's feelings as she ignores man Dikushin Dmitry | Shutterstock

Sometimes, friends will dismiss their other friends' feelings unintentionally. It's not like they're trying to come off as dismissive or cold, but bad days or misunderstandings can easily have someone breaking their friend's heart, without meaning to. This is why it's crucial to listen and apologize, at the very least, when you haven't been your best self.

As coach and consultant James M. Kerr explained, "Apologies are fundamental to human relationships. They mend broken bonds, restore trust, and demonstrate emotional intelligence."

So, even if it's hard, people must decide if their pride is worth the friendship they've curated over the years. If it is, then they'll have a difficult time keeping friendships as their inability to reflect catches up with them. However, if they're able to push their feelings to the side and own up to their behavior, not only will this solidify their friendship, but they might learn something about themselves they didn't know before.

RELATED: 11 Signs The Universe Is Removing Someone From Your Life On Purpose

Advertisement

4. Bonding deeply with someone else

woman in stripped shirt bonding deeply with someone else as they enjoy coffee together Dikushin Dmitry | Shutterstock

Friendships can involve a mess of emotions for the average person. While you might be thrilled with your bestie making new friends at work or during college, a moment that quietly breaks a friend's heart, even if they don't show it, is when one friend bonds deeply with someone else.

Call them Nick Jonas, but they still get jealous when their friends form bonds with someone else. Even if that person is as sweet as apple pie, it doesn't matter. When someone doesn't feel reassured in their friendship or where they stand with someone, it's easy for them to jump to conclusions.

According to Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD, ABPP, "Jumping to conclusions can not only interfere with your relationships but if it is a severe enough pattern, it can also be harmful to an individual’s mental health."

So, while there's nothing wrong with forming deep bonds, be sure to give some reassurance. Everyone needs a pep talk from time to time, and friends are no exception.

RELATED: 11 Things People Who Grew Up With Siblings Instantly Notice About Their Friends Who Were Only Children

Advertisement

5. Not defending them when others talk behind their back

woman not defending friend as other woman talks behind her back Jacob Lund | Shutterstock

It isn't always easy for people to stand up for others, but a moment that quietly breaks a friend's heart, even if they don't show it, is not defending them when others talk behind their back. Even if they're terrified, it's common decency for a friend to stand up for their friend.

Whether someone is teasing them or outright belittling them, a true friend will always come to their friend's defense, regardless of what others may think. Unfortunately, many people struggle to do this, as a survey from YouGov revealed that 48% of people identify as people pleasers.

This means that while they'd love nothing more than to give them a piece of their mind, their people-pleasing tendencies come reeling to the surface, making it difficult to get the words out.

RELATED: 11 Teeny Red Flags That Immediately Make You Not Want To Be Friends With Someone

Advertisement

6. When a friend only talks about themselves

woman in gray shirt only talking about herself as friend in red looks annoyed Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock

Another moment that quietly breaks a friend's heart, even if they don't show it, is a friend who only talks about themselves. Yes, it's normal for people to want to talk about themselves. Even if they'd love to pretend that they care what some random stranger has to say, the truth is that most people prefer discussing their thoughts rather than listening to the thoughts of those around them.

According to Scientific American, people spend about 60% of their conversation talking about themselves. Yet, despite this fact, there's a fine line people need to walk when it comes to showing up for their friends and truly listening. As tempting as it may be to discuss your own problems and opinions, not even asking a friend how their day was is pretty disrespectful.

So, to avoid making their friend feel left out, ensure that the conversation is a give-and-take. Ask about their opinions and ask about their day. Not only will your friend become more appreciative, but it might even deepen the conversation. 

RELATED: 11 Nice Habits That Push Friends And Family Away Over Time

Advertisement

7. Breaking a promise they were counting on

woman with white shirt upset as friend breaks a promise she was counting on fizkes | Shutterstock

In an ideal world, everyone could keep their promise and deliver when it counts the most. However, we don't live in an ideal world, which is why a moment that quietly breaks a friend's heart, even if they don't show it, is breaking a promise they were counting on.

Sure, they didn't mean to let their loved one down, but when push comes to shove and they break a promise, it's up to that person to resolve it. Whether it means making it up on a different day or simply listening to their frustration, it's important to show out when it counts. As physician Kristen Fuller, M.D., said, "Friends are there to lift you up in joy and comfort you in sorrow."

RELATED: 11 Subtle Mean Girl Habits That Push Even Good Friends Away

Advertisement

8. Making them the punchline

friend group making man in glasses the punchline as man looks upset and alone oneinchpunch | Shutterstock

In a friend group, there's bound to be that one person who can't help but take jokes a little bit too far. Without even meaning to, they might hurt their friends' feelings and create tension and distance. However, this is to be expected as a moment that quietly breaks a friend's heart, even if they don't show it, is making them the punchline to their jokes.

Sure, there's nothing wrong with teasing, but it's so important to draw lines and boundaries. From refusing to bring up past trauma to refusing to discuss looks, there are ways to playfully tease without making their friends feel bad in the process. And all of this begins with boundaries.

As licensed clinical psychologist Yesel Yoon, Ph.D., stated, "Boundary setting is a mutually beneficial and positive strategy to maintain healthy relationships."

So, when all else fails, check in with that friend and make sure that they're okay. While you might not think much of your joke, your friend might have different boundaries, which could lead to them getting upset without anyone even knowing.

RELATED: People Who Lose Interest In Making New Friends As They Get Older Usually Have These 11 Reasons

Advertisement

9. Sharing their secrets casually

woman in white sharing secrets casually with friend in blue Ekateryna Zubal | Shutterstock

One moment that quietly breaks a friend's heart, even if they don't show it, is sharing their secrets casually. It should be common decency to keep a friend's secret to yourself, but believe it or not, this isn't always easy for some people. From being too caught up in their own emotions to simply not caring about their friend's emotions, they'll reveal it all because they trust the other person not to tell.

Unfortunately, this type of mentality can cause irreversible damage in a friendship, as sharing secrets casually is a form of betrayal. And while some friends can work through this betrayal, others might not ever open up again, creating distance in their once-happy friendship.

RELATED: Men Who Have No Friends As They Get Older Usually Have These 11 Reasons

Advertisement

10. Refusing to celebrate their big wins in life

woman in gray refusing to celebrate big wins in life as she sits alone fizkes | Shutterstock

Whether a friend got a big promotion at work or they've recently gotten engaged, it's normal for friends to celebrate one another's big wins in life. Even if they're dealing with their own fair share of insecurity issues in life, a friend who truly loves you will always root for you.

Unfortunately, a moment that quietly breaks a friend's heart, even if they don't show it, is refusing to celebrate their big wins in life. Sorry, but a friend who can't even say congrats isn't a friend worth their time. Even if they're jealous or going through their own fair share of problems, it takes ten seconds to send a message hyping up a friend.

This is why it breaks a friend's heart when someone refuses to celebrate their wins in life. Whether they realize it or not, refusing to is another way of showcasing that they simply don't care.

RELATED: 11 Things People Do That Secretly Annoy Their Friends

Advertisement

11. Always being the one to reach out first

woman in yellow shirt always being the one to reach out first as she looks upset Prostock-studio | Shutterstock

Finally, a moment that quietly breaks a friend's heart, even if they don't show it, is always being the one to reach out first. As most people know, relationships are a give and take. While it's okay for one friend to pick up the slack when another friend is in crisis, in the long term, always being the first one to reach out is exhausting.

Not only is it disrespectful, but it's hurtful to know that a friendship wouldn't even exist if it wasn't for their individual effort. With that being said, communication is key. If a friend can't text back first for whatever reason, be clear. In the same breath, if a friend is tired of putting in effort and getting little return, be upfront. After all, nothing was ever resolved by being silent.

RELATED: People Who Lose Interest In Talking To Friends As They Get Older Usually Have These 11 Reasons

Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.

Advertisement
Loading...