11 Teeny Red Flags That Immediately Make You Not Want To Be Friends With Someone
The little things that make you think twice about your friendship.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock It's unfortunate, but not all friends are good friends. While some might have the best intentions, immature behavior or limited thinking can cause even the strongest friendships to hit an all-time low. That said, sometimes, cutting someone off is necessary.
Whether it's because they're limiting your mindset or, worse, sabotaging once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, identifying these warning signs is the best way to ensure that your future remains bright and that you continue to grow. So, if there's ever a moment in time where these signs pop up out of nowhere and your gut feeling screams at you to turn the other way, listen. These subtle red flags that immediately make you want to steer clear of someone are warning you away from a potentially toxic and limiting friendship, ultimately leading you to greater heights in the long run.
The 11 teeny red flags that immediately make you not want to be friends with someone:
1. They constantly try to one-up you
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The first teeny red flags that immediately make you not want to be friends with someone are if they constantly try to one-up you. It's normal to feel jealous or intimidated by your friend's success. When you inevitably hit a dark road with zero stagnation or opportunities on the horizon, it's only natural to feel a bit envious towards those around you.
According to psychotherapist F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W., "But almost everyone feels jealous at some point or another, and if we can find a way to work with these feelings, they can be problematic but not fatal to a friendship." As long as people are honest, jealousy can help strengthen a bond as it encourages vulnerability. That being said, how people react when they feel intimidated varies.
While you might be open and vulnerable, your friends could be the exact opposite. Due to their lack of emotional maturity, these friends would rather one-up you and 'humble you' than admit that they're secretly jealous. This is probably why most of you run the other way when you pick up on this toxic behavior. As great as it might have been to work out those differences, one-upping someone isn't something that can be resolved with a simple chat. Like it or not, the only way for this toxic behavior to be put to rest is through the other person's actions, not your own.
2. They gossip about their other friends
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Everybody likes to gossip from time to time. Whether it's with your friends or your parents, it can be a bonding moment to release your inner frustrations and bond over shared experiences. That being said, a teeny red flag that immediately makes you not want to be friends with someone is if they gossip about their friends.
There's an unspoken rule in the world of gossip, and that is to never gossip about your closest loved ones. Sure, they might get on your last nerve, but if there's ever a situation in which you're feeling disrespected or upset, you should go directly to them, not talk about their back.
Not only is going behind their back to gossip extremely disrespectful and uncalled for, but it's also a huge sign that you can't be trusted. This isn't good, as Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., explained, "Trust is an important ingredient in any friendship." So, if someone is talking badly about their best friend, don't feel too bad about running for the hills. Most likely, they completely deserve it.
3. They're always 'busy' unless they need a favor
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It's understandable if you're busy and might not always have time to contact your friends. Let's face it: with the cost of living going up, the amount of overtime people have to work to make ends meet is crazy, to say the least. Still, a teeny red flag that immediately makes you not want to be friends with someone is if they're always busy unless they need a favor.
While being busy is understandable, there's a significant difference between being busy and trying versus merely being busy when it's convenient. Friends who genuinely love you will do their best to stay in touch, even if their schedules are packed. They'll text you every few days and always make sure you're okay. However, a friend who uses it says, 'Hey,' if they need a favor.
This is bad, as according to cognitive psychology professor Robert N. Kraft, PhD, " we need to feel appreciated to feel connected to other people. So, while they might not think much of their actions, people who only contact you if they need something are actively harming your mental health, whether they know it or not.
4. They interrupt you when you're talking
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It's okay if you accidentally interrupt someone occasionally. When you're excited or really into a conversation with someone, it's only normal to get a bit too enthusiastic and blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Even so, most people who do this will almost always apologize before allowing the other person to finish speaking.
Yet, a teeny red flag that immediately makes you not want to be friends with someone is if they interrupt others as they're talking. Interrupting someone and then apologizing is more forgivable than cutting someone off and talking over them without apology.
People who don't listen to others and make the entire conversation about themselves don't care about how it makes someone else feel. Even if it hurts their feelings or makes them feel excluded or unimportant, these individuals will continue to do it without a second thought. So, don't feel too bad if you cut someone off for this red flag behavior.
After all, relationships are about mutual respect, because without it, the friendship is bound to crumble. As research professor Peter Gray, Ph.D., put it, "Respect is absolutely essential for the relationship to work. Love without respect is dangerous; it can crush the other person, sometimes literally." This sentiment extends to all relationships, including friendships.
5. They don't admit when they're wrong
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There's no worse feeling than doing something to hurt someone you care for. Whether it's a partner or a friend, accidentally making a mistake and having to apologize is a lot easier said than done. On one hand, you know what you did was wrong, and you might truly feel regretful for the way you behaved. But on the other hand? Your pride gets in the way, making it harder to apologize.
Despite this, most people choose to apologize because they value their friend more than their pride. This is beneficial, as a 2023 study found that individuals with a sense of agency tend to have a greater understanding of their own competencies. Yet, for those who are selfish? A tiny red flag that immediately makes you want to avoid being friends with someone is selfish people who avoid admitting they're wrong.
It's unfortunate, but these selfish friends will often rationalize their actions as 'not being a big deal' and attribute other people's concerns to 'overreacting.' They don't want to admit that they're wrong because they know it will put them in a bad light; so instead, they flip the script and make themselves appear like the victim, while the victim seems like the villain. Not only is this straight-up gaslighting, but it can cause unbelievable stress towards the person being told to get over it, which is why cutting someone off who's unable to apologize is always the best option.
6. Their significant other is their entire personality
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One tiny red flag that immediately makes you want to avoid someone is if their significant other is their entire personality. Everyone's been there before. You're best friends with someone and are as close as two people can be. You do everything together, from shopping for prom to going to the same college.
Yet, when push comes to shove, these individuals without fail get into a relationship and center their partner in everything. What started as giddy excitement turns into frustration as you can't go five minutes without hearing about their partner. Not only is this annoying, but it's also a. bit dismissive as you're there to spend time together, not make the entire conversation about their relationship.
As psychotherapist F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W., explained, "For a relationship to really work, we need to find a balance between independence and dependence." Now, is this a cause to cut someone off? No, it's always important to have an open and honest conversation before deciding to give up and call it quits. However, if you've already tried that and they become defensive or refuse to change, then sometimes saying goodbye is the only option left.
7. They're rude to their parents
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Not all parents are considerate or kind to their children. It's unfortunate, but too many people have toxic or emotionally unavailable parents. Growing up, their parents might've spent too much time focused on their own problems, leaving little time for their children and their children's emotional needs.
That being said, a teeny red flag that immediately makes you not want to be friends with someone is if they're rude to their nice parents. Now, to be fair, even the nicest parents have their moments. Maybe they said the wrong thing or stepped out of line. However, if someone is being rude to their nice parents without provocation, then this is a sign that people should reconsider their friendship.
After all, their parents are supposed to be the people they have the most respect for. Growing up, kids tend to admire and follow their parents' lead. According to the Alabama Cooperative Extension System, children enter the world with limited knowledge, which is why parents have a significant influence. So, if they're disrespecting their kind parents, what do you think they'll do to you? Most likely, they will be just as disrespectful towards you, or worse.
8. You don't feel safe around them
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Whether it's a friendship or a relationship, there should always be a level of comfort and a feeling of safety present. As most people can guess, feeling safe in a relationship is the greatest way to strengthen your bond with others, as feelings of vulnerability and honesty are much easier to surface.
Yet, what happens when you don't feel comfortable around someone, regardless of what they do? Well, others might call you crazy, a 'teeny' red flag that immediately makes you not want to be friends with someone is if you don't feel safe around them. There isn't always a reason to feel uncomfortable. Sometimes, it's intuition or the person's energy that gives off "I can't trust you vibes."
However, instead of following that intuition, many people tend to dismiss it, thinking they're just being overly cautious and paranoid. However, it's essential to listen to yourself and take those feelings seriously. According to Blank, intuition is there to keep you safe. A study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that when making a choice and relying solely on intuition, people made the right decision 90% of the time. So, regardless of how others feel, don't be afraid to distance yourself if you no longer feel comfortable. Your mental health will thank you.
9. They get weirdly possessive over you
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The best friendships are always based on love and respect. Despite whatever happens in life or who enters and leaves it, people who understand that their friend will inevitably have different priorities are those who almost always keep all their friendships intact.
On the other hand, a small red flag that immediately makes you want to avoid someone is if they become overly possessive of you. While there's nothing wrong with experiencing jealousy from time to time, getting weirdly jealous because their friend has another friend they're close to is a bit much.
This is especially true if the behavior persists despite a one-on-one conversation with their friend about their unusually possessive behavior. So, as intense as this may seem, if anyone, friend or romantic partner, doesn't allow you to hang out with your friends because of their own insecurities, it's better to cut them off, otherwise, that relationship can turn toxic and controlling real quick, which is never a good thing.
10. They try to bond too quickly
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There's no greater feeling than finding someone who understands where you're coming from. That being said, most of these connections are natural, and there's never really a feeling of it being rushed, as authentic connections with people are slowly built up over time.
Yet, a teeny red flag that immediately makes you not want to be friends with someone is if they try to bond too quickly. Instead of starting with the simple questions and building their way up, these individuals go straight into trauma dumping mode, making everyone uncomfortable.
However, what's even worse than that is their inability to recognize the wrongness of their actions. Seeing it as an opportunity to rip off the band-aid, these 'friends' will share personal information about themselves and others, before pressuring those around them to do the same. So, if there's ever a point in which someone tries to rush the bond of a friendship, run for the hills; this person might be toxic.
11. They don't show any interest in your life
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Finally, the last teeny red flag that immediately makes you not want to be friends with someone is if they don't show any interest in your life. It should go without saying that your friends should care for you. If you're going through a breakup, your friends should want to know about it and find ways to make you feel better.
However, people who are red flags don't care about those closest to them. Consumed by their own needs and wants, they take very little interest in your life unless it directly impacts them. So, while they might gasp and mutter out a quick 'I'm so sorry," in the end, these toxic people will almost always flip the script and make it about themselves.
This is why people who no longer want to be friends shouldn't feel too bad. As it stands, if they do grieve the friendship, it's likely because of what you did for them, rather than the memories or connection you built together.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
