11 Things People Do That Secretly Annoy Their Friends
The ways people annoy their friends without realizing it.
La Famiglia | Shutterstock Everyone has a friend or two they can count on for anything. Whether it's a phone call at three in the morning or someone to cheer them up when they're feeling down, these people are pivotal to their friends' lives. That said, friends aren't always perfect, as there are things people do that secretly annoy their friends.
From saying 'I'm on my way' while lying in bed to 'forgetting' to text them for weeks on end, these people know how to get under their friend's skin without realizing it. Is it their intention to set off their friends or be disrespectful? No, but sometimes, friends can forget themselves and do things that come off as dismissive or inconsiderate, without ever meaning to. So, what do people do that instantly annoys their friends? Most importantly, what can both parties do to ensure that these annoyances don't impact their friendship for the worse?
The 11 things people do that secretly annoy their friends:
1. Never knowing when to stop talking
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The first thing people do that secretly annoys their friends is never knowing when to stop talking. It's not exactly their intention to come off as annoying and self-centered. When friends haven't seen one another in weeks, it's normal to be excited and chat up a storm.
However, both parties must be mindful when talking with one another. Allowing each other the opportunity to speak, respond, and tell their own stories is important, as it strengthens the friendship. According to Professor Dawn O. Braithwaite, Ph.D., "In communication, we develop, create, maintain, and alter our relationships. As we communicate, we become and change who we are."
With this in mind, it can secretly annoy their friends if someone spends most of the conversation yapping away a storm without allowing the other person to say what's on their mind. It might not be their intention, but doing this can easily make their friend feel unimportant and frustrated. So, if someone has a friend who does this constantly, be open and honest with them. Otherwise, they might not notice their annoying behavior, leading to misunderstandings and confusion later.
2. Pretending their relationship with their spouse is sunshine and rainbows
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Listen: it's okay to say that their relationship isn't as great as they post on social media. Couples go through drama, and sometimes, there will be bumpy roads that leave the other person feeling frustrated and alone. However, a thing people do that secretly annoys their friends is when they ignore that bumpy road and instead, pretend their relationship with their spouse is sunshine and rainbows.
There's no worse feeling than feeling distant from a friend. While someone might want to relieve the stress their friend is feeling and be there for them, it's hard to do so when they refuse to let them in and be honest with them. This is why many people feel frustrated when their friend brags about their partner all the time or isn't honest about the stuff they're going through: in a sense, it feels like they're isolating them.
So, while people shouldn't air all their partner's dirty laundry, telling it how it is wouldn't hurt. From small stuff like 'their snoring drives me crazy,' to important things involving safety, being just a bit more open and honest can bring about a sense of connectedness, as both people relate to one another's struggles, no matter how hard it may seem.
3. Sending too many videos
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Everyone has been there before. They're on the bed and scrolling through social media when their best friend floods their messages with a handful of TikTok's or reels. On the outside, their friend might not see anything wrong with that. In their eyes, they're only sharing moments that they thought would make their good friend laugh.
However, constantly being barraged with TikTok or reels can easily stress people as they become overstimulated. Not only that, but according to Yale Medicine, social media is associated with changes in the brain and can impact people's emotional learning and behavior.
So, what should people do if their friend is habitually doing this? Besides being honest, they can also text, "Sorry, I don't have time to look through all of these right now," and leave it at that. While they might be disappointed, don't feel too bad. Taking care of their mental health should be their top priority.
4. Mentioning their crush all the time
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Everyone's been there before. They've fallen in love or have a mild crush on someone from their college class or someone they work with. It all seems joyful and innocent as they gush about their crush to their closest friends. But after a while, this joyful energy can quickly turn to frustration, as something people do that secretly annoys their friends is always mentioning their crush.
Sure, they might have a huge crush on them. But just because they like someone doesn't mean they must make that person their entire personality. At some point, there's a need for balance in a friendship in which both people can talk about other things freely, instead of hyper-fixating on one person.
Now, is this always fun? No, after all, liking someone often comes with never being able to get them out of one's mind. Still, if people want to keep their friendships going strong and keep people's annoyance levels down, then balance is necessary.
5. Saying 'on my way' while they’re still in bed
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Most people have been in this situation before: they're excited because they haven't seen their best friend in months. Unfortunately, the stress of work and school has affected their ability to hang out. Thankfully, their schedule has cleared, and they're finally making up for old times' sake.
That being said, as they're finishing getting. ready and fixing their hair, they get the infamous 'on my way text.' Not thinking much of it, they wait twenty minutes and an hour before finally calling their best friend, only to hear the shower running. It should go without saying, but people secretly annoy their friends by saying, 'on my way,' when they're still in bed.
There are a ton of reasons as to why this is disrespectful. From disappointment to being lied to, a friend can go through many stages of grief when they feel stood up or tossed aside by someone they love. Considered a form of social rejection, according to the American Psychological Association, social rejection tends to lead to aggression, which can lead to violence. So, while their friend might not think much of it, always doing this can easily leave a bitter taste in their mouth, possibly leading to conflict.
6. Borrowing clothes and never giving it back
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When someone is great friends with someone, it's normal to borrow their clothes or haircare products. Yet, a thing people do that secretly annoys their friends is borrow clothes without ever giving them back. For the first or second time, a friend might let it slide.
After all, it happens to the best of everyone when they accidentally forget to give something back. However, after a while, letting things slide no longer cuts it as people take advantage of their forgiving nature and become used to taking things with no expectation of ever giving them back.
Not only does this slowly become disrespectful and frustrating, but it can lead to resentment within the friendship, causing an otherwise happy friendship to slowly fade away. So, to avoid this, always give things back, no matter how long it takes. Even if their friend doesn't say anything, doing this constantly bothers even the nicest person.
7. Taking too long to figure out what to eat
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Arguably, figuring out what to eat is never really easy. On one hand, they might truly want Japanese cuisine, but on the other hand, they don't want to come off as annoying or inconsiderate by suggesting Japanese cuisine when the other person might not like it. However, it isn't necessarily their fault. According to a survey from YouGov, 48% of Americans identify as people pleasers.
Still, this doesn't change the fact that one thing people do that secretly annoys their friends is taking too long to figure out what to eat. From spending too long looking at the menu, then ordering chicken tenders at a steakhouse restaurant because that's the safest option, the subject of food can easily turn a beautiful friendship into a passive-aggressive remark fest as both people become more hangry.
To avoid this, both parties can either use an app to figure out what to eat, or the most decisive person can pick two restaurants and allow the indecisive person to choose. However, if all else fails, simply using an app to randomly generate a restaurant option is also a good idea.
8. Texting ‘we need to talk’ with no context
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Everyone's experienced that heart-racing feeling while staring at an anonymous message. From responding shortly to responding with little context, a thing people do that secretly annoys their friends is texting "we need to talk" with no context. Most people know how terrifying it can be to hear this infamous phrase. So, why is it often used despite how much people hate it?
Many people don't think much about it since they already know what they want to talk about in their heads. However, many friends forget how it feels to be on the receiving end of it. The anxiety and uncertainty that come with this and the amount of time they have to wait can put the calmest person at unease.
Yet, this is exactly why it's important to be upfront. If it's nothing serious, say it. If it's something serious, add it with a little context. While typing might take a few extra words, doing this is better than leaving a friend hanging.
9. Uploading the worst photos of their friends
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A person has just gotten home after going out with friends for the night. At the moment, they feel good about themselves and feel as if they look better than ever. So, why is it that when they go on Instagram or Facebook, their friend almost always uploads the worst photos of themselves?
It's a common experience, but a thing people do that secretly annoys their friends is if they upload the worst photos of their friends. Forget looking slightly disheveled, they look like a complete hot mess as their eyes aren't focused on the camera, and their hair has seen better days.
It might sound like a trivial thing to worry about, but the impact of social media isn't something to scoff at. According to a study in 2017, there is a link between using multiple social media platforms and depression and anxiety in young people. So, while their friend might simply be looking out for themselves, if they truly want to post a cute picture and their friend isn't looking that great, crop them out and let them know ahead of time, or don't post it at all.
10. Saying 'I have tea,' and then refusing to spill it immediately
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There's no greater feeling than having a gossip session with a friend. The shocking details and the following laughter are music to most friends' ears. Still, saying, 'I have tea,' and then refusing to spill it immediately annoys the average person.
As a general rule of thumb, if someone doesn't know when they can spill the tea, it's best not to mention there's tea to be spilled before then. Otherwise, they can risk annoying their friends. That being said, they shouldn't be too hard on themselves.
While their friends might be a little upset, sometimes, the excitement of wanting to tell them can get the best of anyone. Even so, keeping it to themselves until they can say to it is probably their best bet to keep their friend in good spirits.
11. Liking messages or adding an emoji reaction while in a group chat
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Finally, the last thing people do that secretly annoys their friends is either liking messages or adding an emoji reaction while in a group chat. It should go without saying that group chats are already overwhelming. Ten people might be spamming with TikTok's, opinions, rants, or memes.
So, with all of this going on, the last thing people need is another notification saying 'Sally likes this message' while desperately trying to keep up with a chaotic group chat. Most people might think the same thing: the mute button is an option. However, whenever someone makes the 'brave' decision to mute, their friends always come up to them later asking, 'Did you see what so-and-so typed in the group chat?'
This is why people should pull the plug and exit immediately. While they may love their friends, there's no denying that being overstimulated by ping notifications can impact people's mental health for the worse. According to a study in 2023, people who turned off notifications for two weeks experienced less mental strain than those who kept their notifications on. So, people shouldn't feel too bad about putting themselves first. It's either that or slowly driving themselves bad, causing even more tension in an otherwise healthy friendship.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
