11 Things People Who Grew Up With Siblings Instantly Notice About Their Friends Who Were Only Children
Are the stereotypes about only children really true?
GaudiLab / Shutterstock There are a number of stereotypes and stigmas about only children, from entitlement to greed, that are not only untrue but incredibly misleading. Yes, many people who grew up without siblings had their parents' full attention and energy, compared to people who had to split it between siblings, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they didn’t have struggles of their own.
In adulthood, these struggles and experiences tend to manifest themselves in uniquely different and unexpected ways. In fact, there are many things people who grew up with siblings instantly notice about their friends who were only children that often impact their relationships and social interactions.
Here are 11 things people who grew up with siblings instantly notice about their friends who were only children
1. They struggle with compromise
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Many only children who never grew up with siblings had their parents’ sole attention. Even if they were alone and entertaining themselves when their parents weren’t home, they never had to split the time they did receive between any other siblings or family members.
Considering they never had to fight for attention or validation, they may struggle with compromise in adulthood, never having had an opportunity to practice with siblings early in life, from emotional regulation to empathy.
2. They seek attention
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According to social psychologist Susan Newman, many only children grow into adults who crave emotional attention, validation, and social interactions, considering they were often forced to entertain themselves in situations where kids with siblings could entertain each other.
While it’s true that many only children deal with stereotypes of being lonely and selfish, they often have the full attention of their parents and caregivers growing up, compared to their counterparts with siblings. So, in adulthood, when they form relationships with people who split their energy and time, it can feel disorienting, even if they don’t realize it.
3. They’re independent
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Despite stereotypes that tend to associate narcissistic traits with only children, a study published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal found that these adult children often have no higher rates of entitlement than their peers. However, they do tend to be more self-reliant and independent, especially if they came from a dual-income household.
Many children were able to learn social skills and gain entertainment from their siblings growing up when their parents weren’t around, but only children were forced to grapple with boredom by themselves. Oftentimes, this meant grappling with emotional regulation, making friends, and entertaining themselves with hobbies alone, which translates to a greater sense of self-reliance in adulthood.
4. Conflict feels like an attack
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Many children learn how to handle arguments and resolve conflicts with their siblings growing up. However, only children are often forced to handle that discomfort alone or later in life with partners, friends, and peers. For people with siblings, conflict and arguments were a normal part of life, a quality of their closest relationships at home.
However, only children may not have the same outlook on conflict, considering it was only associated with their parents and friends growing up, in a much different way. They may view conflict as a personal attack or even a detriment to their relationships in adulthood, when in reality, it’s often a helpful coping mechanism, bonding agent, and opportunity for growth.
5. They have strong friendships
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According to a study from the Social Forces journal, many adult children with siblings consider these relationships to be their closest, naming siblings as their best friends later in life. However, for kids without siblings, they maintain these deep connections with their actual friends, investing time and energy into meaningful relationships outside their families.
While it’s true that only children could be more susceptible to loneliness in adulthood without the inherent relationships others share with their siblings, those who choose to find chosen family in their platonic friendships often thrive. It’s one of the things people who grew up with siblings instantly notice about their friends who were only children. They may experience that bond directly or even notice their only child friends calling them siblings or sisters.
6. They’re more open-minded
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A study published in the PNAS journal suggests that only children often have a higher level of “openness” than their peers who grew up with siblings, meaning they’re more likely to try new things and get out of their comfort zone as adults.
Whether it’s a side effect of needing to entertain themselves as kids or less rigid rules from parents early in life, it’s one of the things people who grew up with siblings instantly notice about their friends who were only children.
7. They're close with their parents
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According to Newman, many only children also tend to have closer relationships with their parents into adulthood, largely because they didn’t have to compete with siblings for time, attention, or affection. To maintain these close relationships in adulthood, parents and adult children often need to do a lot of work opening up communication, shifting to adopt a new dynamic, and even offering space when necessary, but the bonds they share are inherently strong.
Another study published in the Ageing & Society journal found that only children are also more likely to become caregivers for their parents in adulthood, rather than outsourcing help and support.
8. They’re prone to oversharing
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Even if they’re not entirely aware of it, the attention-seeking behaviors that many only children have in adulthood can also encourage them to overshare in social situations and their relationships. It’s one of the things people who grew up with siblings instantly notice about their friends who were only children. They’re willing to share things that others might keep to themselves.
In many ways, this tendency to overshare can be a means for only children to find belonging and build meaningful relationships, even if the vulnerability is being promoted too early in a connection.
9. They misinterpret sibling interactions
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One of the things people who grew up with siblings instantly notice about their friends who were only children is that they can’t understand the family dynamic between sisters or older and younger siblings.
Whether it’s arguing over a maid of honor spot, being offended by a sister’s feud, or being shocked by passive-aggressive comments between their friends and siblings, it’s a bond they can’t always comprehend.
10. They appreciate their alone time
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According to a 1972 study, only children often value, appreciate, and indulge in alone time more than their counterparts with siblings. Of course, it’s not entirely surprising, considering they likely spent more time alone as kids, learning how to be comfortable with solitude and entertaining themselves.
In adulthood, this can be one of the things people who grew up with siblings instantly notice about their friends who were only children. They may cancel plans to recharge alone or even prioritize their personal time over going out on the weekends.
11. They’re empathetic
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From their platonic relationships to their family bonds, studies show that only children tend to become less self-centered and more giving with age. As kids, they might’ve focused their priorities and attention completely on themselves, without siblings to split time with or consider, but as adults, they tend to prioritize social connection and relationships.
It’s one of the things people who grew up with siblings instantly notice about their friends who were only children growing up, especially because it stands in such a strong contrast with the stereotypes and stigmas they’re typically held to.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
