11 Things People Say When They Know They Are About To Let You Down
Letting someone down gently isn’t always easy.
Deflector Image | Shutterstock Nobody wants to let someone down on purpose. Whether it's their child or their best friend, there's no worse feeling than looking at someone's face and seeing just how disappointed they are. Unfortunately, life can get in the way and make it hard for people to keep their promises or to show up when it counts the most.
Still, when someone truly adores you, there's nothing they wouldn't do to make sure that you're happy. They'd move mountains if it meant making their loved ones happy. Yet despite how much people desperately do their best to cater to make you smile, when all else fails, there are certain things people say when they know they are about to let you down. From feigning clueless to straight up keeping it real, people who know they'll disappoint can't help but utter these phrases.
11 things people say when they know they are about to let you down:
1. ‘I’ve been really busy lately’
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The first thing people say when they know they are about to let you down is, "I've been really busy lately." Sure, they might be piled with work obligations, but this doesn't excuse the distance or lack of effort in a relationship. Whether it's friendship or marriage, refusing to spend time with a partner is bound to impact both parties negatively.
From feeling resentful to feeling isolated, refusing to spend one-on-one time is the quickest way to ruin an otherwise healthy relationship. Now, is this always easy? Of course not, especially when juggling multiple friendships. However, simply texting someone is much better than ignoring them altogether. After all, effort is the minimum requirement for any strong relationship.
2. ‘I didn’t want to disappoint you’
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If someone truly adores you, the last thing they want to do is disappoint you. However, it's this exact mentality that burns people out completely. Sacrificing their personal time, money, and mental health, people will go through hoops to ensure that those around them are taken care of.
This is why a thing people say when they know they are about to let you down is, "I didn't want to disappoint you." Of course, they don't want to make someone upset. But being disappointed is inevitable. Whether it's accidentally breaking promises or forgetting plans, people are human beings who are bound to stumble from time to time.
Even so, it doesn't mean they can't feel awful about it. According to a survey from YouGov, 48% of Americans identify as people pleasers. So when they say 'I didn't want to disappoint you,' just know that they mean it.
3. ‘Something came up’
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Sure, most people don't want to drag themselves out of bed and spend hours getting ready; however, if they have already made plans with someone, the last thing anyone wants to do is cancel last minute. Unfortunately, life isn't always black and white, and what was going to be arriving on time can slowly turn into canceling plans last minute because an emergency has happened.
As a result, a thing people say when they know they are about to let you down is, "Something came up." Understandably, it sounds like a flimsy excuse when someone says this, and maybe it truly is a flimsy excuse. However, this doesn't change the fact that they're bailing and disappointing you in the process.
Is this frustrating? Absolutely. Is this something that's part of life? Yes. Even so, being late too often can quickly put a damper on even the strongest relationships. As psychiatrist Neel Burton, M.A., M.D., says, "They get annoyed because your lateness betrays a lack of respect and consideration for them." So, to avoid the letdown, always offer a good excuse as a follow-up; otherwise, you might risk setting off your loved one's.
4. ‘I didn’t know it’d matter that much to you’
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While some loved ones truly regret hurting you, others aren't as considerate. Maybe it's because they're entirely too focused on themselves, but a thing people say when they know they are about to let you down is, "I didn't know it'd matter that much to you."
Sure, they might've truly not known that their actions would've hurt their loved ones, but there's no denying that their carelessness runs deep. Most people want to feel respected and put first, so when someone does the opposite, it can cause the kindest person to become a bit irritated.
According to the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, being disrespected generates more aggression than being disliked. This is why it's important to be considerate or, at the very least, apologize. Otherwise, they might risk setting someone off accidentally.
5. ‘I’m trying to figure things out right now’
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When someone asks a question, it's only normal that people would answer straight away. Blame it on their people-pleasing tendencies, but the last thing people want is to cause someone to wait in suspense. According to a study published in the Journal of Anxiety Disorders, fear of the unknown might be the thing underlying anxiety for most people.
Even so, sometimes knowing what to do or what to say isn't all that easy. This is why a thing people say when they know they are about to let you down is, "I'm trying to figure things out right now." Sure, it isn't the most ideal thing someone wants to hear, however, it's the most honest.
While it'd be all too easy to agree and move on, depending on the situation, someone might need to take extra caution when making their next move. So, as frustrating and anxiety-inducing as it is, be patient. It might be a letdown not to know, but it'll be an even bigger letdown than someone making a decision only to change their mind later on.
6. ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you’
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Nobody wants to hurt the person who's always been there for them or supported them, but when push comes to shove, sometimes it is necessary. As much as people would love to be selfless and put others first, there are times when hurting their loved ones is the only way to protect someone's peace.
This is important, as according to award-winning science journalist Donna Jackson Nakazawa, "Suppressing our needs and emotions can increase the risk of autoimmune diseases and even shorten our lifespan." Because of this, a thing people say when they know they are about to let you down is, "I didn't mean to hurt you." Sure, they might not have meant to hurt them, but the damage has been done.
For their well-being or out of ignorance, they accidentally stumbled and messed up. However, it doesn't need to be the end of the world. Depending on how they go about it, things can be worked through as long as someone can take accountability and be emotionally intelligent enough to talk one-on-one.
7. ‘I thought you’d understand’
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When someone does something with the intention of assumption, it can either go really great or fail miserably. However, unless they've known someone for years and have a close relationship, it's never good to assume things, as it can easily lead to misunderstandings.
And while misunderstandings may be inevitable, this doesn't make them any less frustrating. As attorney Mark B. Baer, Esq. cited, misunderstandings tend to be the reason for most conflicts. With this in mind, a thing people say when they know they are about to let you down is, "I thought you'd understand."
Sure, they might've thought that their loved ones would have understood them, but regardless of their intention, they messed up and hurt them in the process. And while there's no changing their past actions, this doesn't mean they can't move forward in a more positive direction. But as the old saying goes, communication is key.
8. ‘I still care about you, but…’
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If someone's even been in a complicated relationship, they already know that words sting more than most would like to believe. As grief therapist Dee Stern, Psy.D., explained, "Our words often cause an action or a reaction from the receiver. Our words can be loving, sweet, and caring, or possibly harsh, vindictive, cruel, and uncaring."
Still, this doesn't stop people from being cold, as a thing people say when they know they are about to let you down is, "I still care about you, but..."
As most people know, using the word but is a recipe for disaster. No matter how much they claim to love you, if someone follows it up with but, it's like rubbing salt in a wound. This is why people need to be upfront. Whether they need to let someone down or break bad news, simply saying it without filler is the best way to get things done; otherwise, it could leave the person in question more confused than where they started.
9. ‘I wish things were different’
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Another thing people say when they know they are about to let you down is, "I wish things were different." While things could've gone a lot smoother, at the end of the day, what's done is done. There's no reversing or erasing what happened, no matter how badly people want to. That being said, it doesn't mean they don't regret their decision.
Too caught up in their feelings, some people might think that the person in question meant to cause harm or simply doesn't care. However, if someone is sincerely expressing to you how bad they feel and how they wish things were different, it's more than likely that they have a ton of regret, or at the bare minimum, guilt. Even so, whether the other person wants to work through that hiccup is up to them and them alone.
10. ‘I didn’t ask for this’
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Nobody asks to hurt the person they love most. However, when someone is making hasty decisions without careful consideration, they might not realize the consequences of their actions until it's far too late. This is why a thing people say when they know they are about to let you down is, "I didn't ask for this."
Sure, they might not have wanted this outcome, but depending on how deep the hurt is, there is no going back. So, while their frustration is understandable, it's equally important for them to follow this up by apologizing. While they might not be able to avoid letting you down, at the very least, they can afford you a proper apology and explanation, even if it hurts.
11. ‘Let’s just see what happens’
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Finally, the last thing people say when they know they are about to let you down is, "Let's just see what happens." When someone doesn't have a clear direction for the relationship, trust that they don't care enough about the topic at hand to take it seriously.
As much as they may disagree otherwise, people who truly care will always put in careful effort when it comes to their loved ones. From planning dates to making a relationship official, someone who truly respects you will always afford you the dignity to be honest at the very least.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
