People Who Feel Unseen In Their Own Family Often Start Saying These 11 Things
If you feel like a black sheep, you likely say these things regularly.
progressman / Shutterstock Some families are tight-knit, loving groups that are always there in your corner when you need them. They celebrate one another, uplift each other, and also have their own mini-cultures of love and acceptance. But not everyone is lucky enough to experience that.
Many great people are locked out of their own families, often for reasons that are out of their control. They don’t feel seen by their family members. Rather, they are outcasted, overlooked, or otherwise forgotten in the hubbub of life. Speaking as someone who has seen it up close, I know that comes with its own type of speech and mentality. If this sounds like you, you probably have said one of these phrases fairly recently.
People who feel unseen in their own family often start saying these 11 things
1. ‘Must be nice…’
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I’ll be honest. There is no way to soften the emotional blow that comes with feeling like the last priority on your family’s list, speaking as someone who’s often felt that way. When you see others have their perfect weddings, their birthday parties without having to goad people into coming, or hear of family members attending school events, it hurts.
Seeing others have that type of support hurts. It makes you wistful and a little envious. So, the only thing you often wanna say is, “Must be nice to have that. I wonder what it’s like.’
2. ‘Can I come along?’
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Most people have seen that one “odd kid” in school who couldn’t stand being left out of a group. Believe it or not, this is often a sign of emotional abuse or neglect stemming from childhood. It’s attention-seeking because the person in question never got the attention they needed at home.
If the person in question is still living with the family, doing this to them, they’ll often find any reason possible to avoid going home. So, they may ask for crash space. Or to join a party. Or to go out for late-night nachos. Anything but going home.
3. ‘Adopt me, please’
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As someone who has known a lot of adults and teens who felt unseen (or unwanted) by their biological family, I’ve heard this phrase quite a bit. It’s often said in jest, but you know what they say. The truth is often spoken as a joke.
If they keep making that joke, it’s likely because they feel they don’t really have a family of their own.
4. ‘I don’t feel like talking to my family or visiting them’
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Here’s another common thread among people who ended up being ignored, overlooked, or otherwise pushed away from their families: estrangement. Eventually, even the most patient person will get tired of the rejection or dismissive attitudes of their “loved ones.”
When that happens, they often choose to cut ties with their parents as well as their siblings. Eventually, this leads to them openly telling others not to try to get them to meet up.
5. ‘I’m not going to make that mistake with my kid, if I ever have a kid’
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From what I noticed, adults who were ignored by their families often take having kids far more seriously than others. Those who choose to have kids after being the outcast of the family will often do everything in their power to ensure their kids never feel the same way.
At times, this can lead to them overcorrecting that mistake. So, if you’ve ever wondered what happened to the parent who rents ponies and carnival rides for their kid’s birthday… that’s likely it.
6. ‘I’ll do it myself’
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When you spend most of your life being ignored by the people who are supposed to have your back, you end up becoming a hyper-independent person. It’s not something that happens consciously or by someone’s own choice. It’s a trauma response.
It’s something that happens because you just realize that your cries for help don’t get answered too often. This doesn’t mean it doesn’t upset people who were ignored by their families. This phrase often comes oozing with a little resentment, especially if it’s said to a family member.
7. ‘Fine, I’ll go alone’
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Did you ever have an event you wanted to attend with family or friends, only to have everyone too busy to attend? If you were the “black sheep” of the family or the kid who was always forgotten, it was likely a frequent occurrence.
After a while, you get resentful and you stop actually expecting your loved ones to show up. So, you end up saying this phrase. It lets them know that you’re “fine,” but it’s often obvious that you still aren’t okay with how you were treated.
8. ‘I’m pretty sure I’m the black sheep of the family’
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Most of the time, people who were overlooked or otherwise rejected by their families are aware they’re not the favorite child. In fact, they are aware that their families may resent them or may not actually really consider their feelings at all.
It’s easy to see why they may be aware of their own standing. When they’re not being ignored, the black sheep of the family might be the scapegoat everyone blames for everything.
9. ‘I’m sorry, it’s probably my fault’
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Believe it or not, people who survived childhood emotional neglect often blame themselves for being ostracized by their families. Even when everyone else sees that it’s clearly not their fault, they often struggle to figure out what they did to deserve it.
Because they often acted as family scapegoats or “whipping boys,” many Black Sheep individuals tend to assume that they’re at fault for their own family’s failings. Their family failed them, not the other way around. Despite this, they tend to hold themselves to higher standards than they hold others to.
10. ‘Please don’t leave me’
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Few people are as love-starved as the people who were left unseen by their family members. So, when they finally start to find people who like them, their first instinct is to latch on and never leave. They can be incredibly clingy.
Depending on how badly they felt unseen in the past, they may end up developing abandonment issues. A little patience and clear communication go far with people in this situation.
11. ‘What do they have that I don’t?’
![people who feel unseen in their own family often start saying these things, ‘What does [x] have that I don’t?’](https://www.yourtango.com/sites/default/files/image_blog/2025-07/people-who-feel-unseen-their-own-family-often-start-saying-these-things-what-does-x-have-that-i-dont.png "people who feel unseen in their own family often start saying these things, ‘What does [x] have that I don’t?’")
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Finally, I’ll round this list out with another major trend I’ve noticed. If your family neglected you in favor of another person, you may have a breaking point where you finally just confront your family members over their behavior.
Of course, this never really answers the question. Family members often lack a decent explanation, primarily because they become defensive and refuse to see things from your perspective. They’re more worried about their egos being hurt than the hurt they doled out to their own kids.
This isn’t really surprising. That’s a large chunk of the reason why some people feel unseen in the first place: they’re treated poorly, not prioritized, and are not given a reason why until they actually confront others over it. It should never get to that point, but sadly, this dynamic is far more common than people want to let on.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
