5 Common Phrases Men Say That Make Women Lose Interest Fast, According To Experts
These phrases may seem harmless but they instantly end attraction.
BOOM | Pexels Talking to women shouldn't be complex. Knowing how to talk to women always starts with you. It's not about learning more things to say, it's learning what not to say in the first place.
Research from The American Psychological Association explored how college-aged men create narratives around dating and relationships that "serve as a shield, allowing men to dismiss inequalities that emerge in their romantic relationships." Think about it, would you want to bombard her with all these useless words or lines, only to increase your chances of making her lose interest? Or do you want to say the least amount of things with the maximum attraction effect?
Here are the common phrases men say that make women lose interest fast:
1. 'Where do you want to go on our date?'
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It seems logical. You want to take her to a place that she wants to go so she's happy and enjoys the date. If you take her to her favorite place, it's going to be a good date.
However, a lot of women don't want to be the one who decides everything for the date, nor go to their favorite place again. She wants you to have a plan.
It doesn't mean you can't make decisions or choices with her. When it comes to picking the venue, include her in the decision process. But just flat-out asking where to go seems like you're trying to impress her. It sounds like you have no plan and no clue where to take a woman. This implies you haven't been on a lot of dates.
She has to make a lot of decisions in her day, and she has to be in decision-making mode at work. But when on a date, she wants to relax and be along with a plan.
It's fine to ask her, "Do you prefer this?" Find out relative information by getting to know her a bit, but be the one to decide where to go on the date.
"Be brief and concise when talking about yourself, and ask curious questions about your date," recommended relationship coach Amy Schoen. "Most importantly, listen and make it obvious that you're interested in what she has to say and that you want to learn more about her. It’s recommended that you strive for the woman talking 60 percent of the time, and you the balance of 40 percent of the time. This way, you're showing you're invested in learning about her."
2. 'Can I have your number?'
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Asking her if you can have her number implies you don't know if she's attracted to you or not, which is why you're asking the question. This is a lack of confidence. You don't believe she would be attracted to a guy like you. It sounds like the logical thing to do, but it usually comes off as very unconfident.
Instead, say something, "Let's exchange numbers," or "You seem cool. What's your number?" These presuppose you believe she likes you.
She might still say "no," but it makes you feel a lot more sure of yourself. On that note, make sure to say it with certainty. If your tonality is going up and you seem uncertain, she's probably going to say "no." Or, if she gives you her number, she's probably not going to text you back.
If she says "no" because she has a boyfriend, doesn't feel comfortable, or doesn't know you well enough to give out her number, remain calm and cool because it's no big deal.
3. 'You're so beautiful!'
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There's nothing wrong with giving a woman a compliment. But when you say it like "You are sooooo beautiful!" it sounds like you're putting her on a pedestal. The key to giving a compliment is to say it with confidence, not like she's above you and you're below her.
When you compliment a woman, especially if you're opening a conversation, you should be direct and tell her the truth about the real reason why you're there. Women appreciate honesty and the courage it takes. Plus, if you use some indirect, weird pick-up artist opener, she knows you're there because you're attracted to her as an object, and it makes you appear less confident.
Dating coach Ronnie Ann Ryan explains from a woman's point of view, "A quality man wants to know what you like and what makes you happy. He doesn't only talk about himself or his plans for you, and he doesn't go on and on about how great you are, because he wants to get to know you before exposing the strength of his interest. He takes his time — in a good way. Men who rely on flattery don't make time to see you, or they show up in a big way at first, only to then disappear."
4. 'Can I buy you a drink?'
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There's nothing wrong with buying a woman a drink, even if you just met her. But using it as your conversation starter is not a good idea. It creates the frame that you are paying for her time or her attention.
If you want to talk to her, just go talk to her. Don't send her a drink from across the bar or go over and say, "Hey, can I buy you a drink?" You don't know anything about her. Why the heck would you even want to buy her a drink? It's like saying, "Here's some money! Can I buy five minutes of your time?"
Maybe you've done it in the past and it worked. But, most likely, she didn't like you. So, should you even buy a woman to drink at all? Yes, if you want to and you're not using it as a bargaining chip.
If you want to get a drink yourself and it's just the customary thing to do, it's the social norm to say, "Hey, I'm going to get a drink at the bar. You want one?" There's nothing wrong with that. It's even a good way to move things further if she is open to you.
5. 'Can I kiss you?'
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Like asking for her phone number, it's presupposing you don't believe she would be attracted to you, which shows you're just not confident in yourself. You might do this to try and save face.
You don't want to go for a kiss only for her to turn away and say she's not ready. You need to see if she's OK with it. Instead of asking, "Can I kiss you?" say, "You know, I kind of want to kiss you right now." And just notice her reaction.
If it's "No," stop. If it isn't "No," then slowly move forward, and see her reaction. You could even ask her if she's a good kisser and see how she responds. You could also ask her if she would like to kiss you, which is a lot more powerful. It presupposes you think she likes you and may want to kiss you. And if she says "yes," you kiss her.
If you lean in for a kiss and she pulls away or says a statement that shows she's not ready, stop. It's no big deal, so don't be emotionally affected. Don't complain or get angry about it. Just change the subject, move on.
Your conversation is immensely important for attraction because when you get her attention and you have her in front of you, what you say will make or break your chances of getting the attraction right. You can either attract her with what you have to say or turn her off.
Matt Artisan is the leading dating expert in transforming the lives of men and empowering them to create authentic relationships. He's the creator of Turn Her On Through Text, the C.Q.C. Day Game Method, and the 2-Minute Chase Me Method.
