Guys Who Aren’t As Into You As They Say They Are Typically Reveal It Through These 7 Behaviors
He might talk a big game, but these behaviors reveal the truth long before he ever admits it.
Pexels | Canva Ladies, we purposefully convince ourselves that deciphering a man's true interest is some challenging mystery, but it’s not. There’s one thing you need to watch for to know with total clarity to tell if a guy likes you, cares for you, and wants a life with you.
Pay attention to his actions, not his words. Knowing if a guy is genuinely into you is that simple and is what makes it so hard (read: scary) at the same time. Instead of continually asking yourself, "Does he like me?" being aware of actions will save you plenty of time and heartache.
Guys who aren’t as into you as they say they are typically reveal it through these 7 behaviors:
1. He mostly texts you late at night
Gorodenkoff / Shutterstock
He texts late at night and wants to meet up. You seem available for a late-night rendezvous, but nothing more. A pattern of after-hours-only communication signals that you're an afterthought rather than a priority.
2. He only texts you to meet up
fizkes / Shutterstock
You only have brief conversations or texts to decide what you’re going to do or where you’re going to meet up. A guy who’s into you wants to spend his free time with you and know all of who you are. You’ll hear from him in between the times you see each other. He’ll eagerly introduce you to his friends and family.
A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships compared communication patterns across committed relationships, friends-with-benefits situations, and casual hookups. Committed relationships typically had more communication than casual relationships across all methods: texting, calling, social media, and even telling friends about the relationship.
3. He disappears between dates
Dragana Gordic / Shutterstock
He disappears between dates, and you have no idea where he goes. A study of the effects of relationship uncertainty suggests that even if you can’t put your finger on it, you should listen to any uneasy feelings you get when words and actions don't add up or align. If you’re not honest with yourself, you’ll spend weeks, months, and years with the wrong men in relationships that aren’t right for you (and never were from the beginning).
A genuinely interested guy doesn't vanish into thin air the moment your date ends. He texts to make sure you got home safely, he shares something that reminded him of you, and he keeps the connection alive because he actually wants to. When someone goes radio silent for days at a time and resurfaces only when it's convenient for him, he's showing you exactly where you fall on his priority list.
4. He keeps his options open
NDAB Creativity / Shutterstock
Even though you get along well and have a great time, he still wants to keep his options open in case someone better comes along. He is demonstrating a lack of commitment and is damaging the relationship stability. It's hard because he might say things you want to hear and may smooth-talk his way into your head, causing you to over-analyze, make excuses, and overlook obvious red flags in his behavior.
It's also tricky because if you feel like you’re running out of time or won’t meet anyone better, you’re more likely to believe empty promises mean he’s into you. It takes courage to resist making his words mean what you want them to mean versus seeing what his actions are telling you.
5. He doesn't introduce you to his family and friends
Dean Drobot / Shutterstock
He keeps his life compartmentalized — he’s reluctant to introduce you to his family and friends (or you haven’t met them). A 2015 study explained how inclusion in family and friends' social networks is crucial in healthy relationships.
When a man is genuinely invested in a future with you, bringing you into their inner circle feels like a natural next step rather than a hurdle to avoid. A man who keeps dodging those introductions is signaling that he sees you as separate from his "real" life.
6. He treats you like an afterthought
yurakrasil / Shutterstock
Don't let your mind rationalize his actions away or talk you into being okay with behavior that leaves you feeling like an afterthought. Feeling known in a relationship is vital. His plans naturally include you, his decisions factor in how they'll affect you, and your needs show up on his radar without prompting. When you're consistently learning about his life after the fact rather than being woven into it, that's information worth paying attention to.
Research on relationship dynamics shows that couples who practice mutual decision-making have partners whose voices are "heard and valued," and that this equality when it comes to decisions actually makes problems feel less severe. When his choices consistently never factor you in, that's a clear indicator you lack the attunement healthy partnerships require.
7. He treats you poorly and blames you when things go wrong
Studio Romantic / Shutterstock
Behaviors and actions don’t lie. Words aren’t the truth. When you pay attention to a guy’s behaviors and actions, you’ll quickly learn how he feels about you. Your mind may try to rationalize his actions away or talk you into being OK with being treated poorly.
Research from The Gottman Institute tells us that in healthy relationships, there is a five-to-one ratio of good interactions to bad. But your body will speak the truth, and you'll feel like something just isn't right.
So, what to do if you’ve fallen for a guy who is saying the right things, but his actions don't match up? Leave now. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking, “If only I had...” Don’t spend hours talking with your girlfriends about what you should do.
By leaving, you make space for a man whose words, behaviors, and actions indicate he is truly into you. Rather than being in a rush to find love, set the pace, let things unfold naturally, and pay close attention to how your body feels around men you date.
His actions speak louder than his words when he cares about your well-being. His words match his deeds, his actions consistently communicate you are a priority, and he's excited to know you as a person (not just an intimate partner).
Most importantly, be kind and compassionate with yourself. It takes time to find the one who is right for you. Just patiently wait and see; notice the signs that show up when a guy isn’t into you. By doing so, you'll move on more quickly and make yourself available for a man whose behaviors and actions clearly show he is completely into you.
Janet Ong Zimmerman is a dating and relationship coach and the founder of Love for Successful Women. She helps successful women find the love they desire.
