Wives Who Stay Quiet During Arguments Usually Feel These 11 Things They'll Never Admit
StratfordProductions | Shutterstock Marriage isn't always easy and takes hard work every single day. As much as couples do their best to make their relationship work, during the darkest moments, both partners can struggle to stay afloat. Especially during disagreements or fights, it's important for couples to remain calm and hear each other out. Unfortunately, wives who stay quiet during arguments usually feel certain things they'll never admit, which can indicate unhappiness in their marriage.
Like men, women struggle to open up to their partners at times. Whether it's them overthinking or being too angry to speak, women shut down and refuse to say what's on their mind. While it may feel easier in the moment, staying silent is likely to cause significant problems — not only for women, but for their husbands and the marriage as well.
Wives who stay quiet during arguments usually feel these 11 things they'll never admit
1. An extreme sense of overwhelm
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Whether it's a fight about finances or not spending enough time together, wives who stay quiet during arguments usually feel these things they'll never admit. Maybe she felt happy once upon a time, and her husband understood her feelings. However, as time passed and arguments became more intense, she slowly began to shut down.
It's never easy to express yourself, but if a wife feels like the argument always escalates, she's more likely to stay silent. She becomes anxious and, by extension, terrified, causing her to freeze up. The freeze response occurs before someone's fight or flight instinct kicks in.
As neuropsychologist Theo Tsaousides explained, "There is that brief moment, just before we take action, when we first notice the threat and take a pause. This brief moment is called the freeze response. During the freeze response, our attention is entirely absorbed by the predicament we are in. We develop a type of tunnel vision, when anything other than dealing with the threat becomes background."
2. Scared it will get worse if she speaks
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At the beginning of her marriage, speaking up seemed like the normal thing to do. After all, marriage can't possibly work unless there's honest communication. However, the more she spoke up, the worse things became. No matter how she phrased her feelings, it always came out wrong, and her husband felt increasingly upset.
The last thing she wants to do is upset her husband. Even if it's unintentional, a wife who truly loves her husband will do her best to take her husband's feelings into account. Even so, pushing aside her feelings is never the answer. No matter how much she may want to keep the peace, refusing to acknowledge her feelings will only make her more isolated.
3. Unheard and unappreciated
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During an argument, it's difficult for both parties to feel heard. When emotions are heightened and everyone is upset, it's no surprise that couples struggle to express how they're truly feeling. For wives, even if it isn't their husband's intention, they might feel like no matter what they say, they're going to get shut down.
Oftentimes, this can be classified as wives becoming emotionally detached. According to wellness expert Tchiki Davis, "For some people, being emotionally detached is a coping mechanism — a strategy that is used to protect them from stress or getting hurt. For others, it can be a reaction to trauma... or unprocessed emotions, which makes the person unable to open up about their struggles."
So, if a wife is shutting down and refuses to express herself, it's important for her spouse to check in with her. Nine times out of 10, she likely doesn't feel heard and is staying silent as a defense mechanism.
4. Choosing peace over being right
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There are two types of people in this world: those who are willing to let things go, and those who can never drop them. For many, once they find themselves in defense mode, it's hard to let an argument go. It isn't easy for her to push aside her pride for the sake of keeping peace.
But at the end of the day, she's a human being and probably feels like any other person in this situation would: angry, sad, disappointed, and resentful. Still, she pushes it all to the side to choose her marriage, leading to peace in the moment, but creating consequences in the long run.
5. Needing time to think before speaking
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It isn't always easy to say what's on your mind. When emotions are running high and people don't want to say something they'll regret, they may hesitate and choose to say nothing at all. However, never mistake this for disinterest, especially in a relationship.
Whether it's because they're processing information or don't know what to say, she's taking her time. Of course, it might not look the best to her husband, but being cautious can be a great thing in communication.
As clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg pointed out, "If things are escalating too quickly and you find that you are losing control of your feelings and can't think clearly, then request a pause. If you can hit a pause button you may be able to avoid an unnecessary and unproductive set of exchanges."
6. Not wanting to show vulnerability
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Wives who stay quiet during arguments usually feel afraid of being vulnerable, though they'll never admit it. Because it's truly difficult to be vulnerable with someone, even if you've known them for years, and it can be draining.
They aren't trying to be petty or difficult with their husbands. Deep down inside, they truly may love their husbands and want to improve their emotional intimacy, but it's difficult to do so when they're arguing. These complicated emotions cause a wife to shut down, making her feel unsafe to show her vulnerable side.
7. Emotionally burned out
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Arguing all day over the smallest things isn't the best for either partner's mental health, which is why a wife may stay silent to protect herself from burnout. It isn't a great feeling, and this constant negative energy is bound to drain her.
According to psychologist Sherrie Bourg Carter, burnout is a state of chronic stress that can lead to chronic fatigue, exhaustion, insomnia, anxiety, and even anger. So, when a woman stays silent in this way, it's likely best to pause the argument and give her time to recover.
8. Abandoned and hurt
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There's nothing worse than feeling abandoned by your loved one. Whether it was his intention or not, when a woman feels alone, she tends to stay silent during arguments. She just doesn't feel like her opinion matters anymore. And no matter how much she screams, cries, or talks calmly to her husband, there's a huge disconnect she can't seem to fix.
Of course, this doesn't mean she's going to throw in the towel. In an ideal world, women would have the courage to talk to their husbands and say what's on their mind. However, if she's struggling, her husband should meet her halfway. By letting her know how loved and valued she is, any woman will feel a tad bit more comfortable.
9. Terrified of being judged
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Whether it's worrying about his response to her emotions or her deep insecurities, wives who stay quiet during arguments usually feel these things they'll never admit. She doesn't want to feel judged and might freeze up when she doesn't know how to respond.
But vulnerability is absolutely necessary to keep a relationship afloat. As research psychologist Dave Smallen, explained, "Vulnerability is essential for cultivating emotional intimacy, useful for resolving interpersonal conflicts and for seeking support in challenging times." If she's unable to express herself because she's scared of being judged, this will automatically impact her relationship negatively.
10. Trying to protect her partner's feelings
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If there's one thing a wife can honestly say, it's that she adores her partner. No matter what life throws her way, a good wife who has a loving husband will do her utmost to protect him. But as much as we try to protect our loved ones, being overprotective is an issue. If couples truly want to have a solid connection, they must be willing to be upfront and honest with one another.
Deep down inside, a wife knows that she can't keep doing this. Honesty is key to making any marriage last. But she can't seem to get her people-pleasing tendencies under control. Still, it isn't a husband's job to fix this. If couples truly want emotional intimacy to thrive, they must be willing to tell the truth, even if it hurts.
11. Unsure of how she truly feels
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While it may sound frustrating, figuring out how she feels or what she wants to say isn't as easy as her husband makes it look. Sometimes, she's mad for no specific reason, and sometimes, she can't really name her emotions until time passes. So, instead of arguing in circles, she chooses to remain silent.
As licensed counselor Rodney Luster explained, "Silence allows for respectful turn-taking, listening over calculating responses, digesting what we are hearing, and effectively moving away from cognitive anchors that we believe to be true. Silence allows parties in conflict to dig deeper and do the necessary vertical descent to uncover the real issues."
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
