Introverts Who Have A Hard Time Finding Love Usually Have These 11 Traits
Their preference for consistent alone time can make dating difficult.
Roman Samborskyi | Shutterstock Finding love is not an easy thing for anybody, but it's twice as difficult for introverts. Since they tend to close themselves off and establish contacts more rarely, dating, flirting, and all other stuff related to romantic relationships is exhausting and emotionally draining. And it's not just because they prefer to stay in over going out; rather, there are many traits introverts who have a hard time finding love usually have.
While introverts may try to avoid dating, they are also people who crave love and affection. Though they may need time to open up to a romantic prospect, giving them empathy and patience will pay off in the end. Because despite their tendency to withdraw, they are fully capable of receiving and giving strong love, too.
Here are 11 traits introverts who have a hard time finding love usually have
1. They experience mood swings
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Introverts' moods tend to change very often, usually because they overthink every situation, and it might make them nervous. These people need to be in the right mood to go on a date, because if they're in a bad mood, they certainly won't see that person ever again.
Introverted people also close themselves off and usually keep their emotions deep inside. They don't reveal themselves to the person they are dating or in a relationship with until they become emotionally closer, which makes establishing a stable connection difficult.
2. They're picky about who they allow in their inner circle
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Introverts are highly selective of the people in their close circle, so why won't date a random person with whom they haven't established a connection. Introverts need to build a closer bond with a romantic prospect before giving them full access to their lives.
As professional speaker and certified coach Beth Buelow explained, "Introverts are pretty picky about who we bring into our lives. It requires some energy, and if you do come into our inner circle, that means a lot."
3. They overthink
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Being in the mind of an introvert means their brains are always working at high speed, according to clinical psychologist and educator Laurie Helgoe. They spend quite a lot of time in their own inner world and prefer thinking over acting. But because it's one of the traits introverts who have a hard time finding love usually have, dating can be difficult.
Before going on a date, they imagine thousands of possible scenarios about how things could go. This may make them feel afraid or insecure that things might not go as planned, and can even lead to a cancellation at the last minute.
4. They avoid crowds
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Because they are easily overstimulated, introverts don't do well in crowded spaces. They do everything not to fall into a situation where there are more than a few people around. Unfortunately, most first dates take place in restaurants, movie theaters, bars, and other venues with lots of people around.
Parties, clubs, and concert halls make introverts uncomfortable, so they would prefer to stay at home rather than going out and being in a social environment. And that can make it difficult to connect.
5. They find small talk redundant
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As Helgoe mentioned in her book, "Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength," "Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people. We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people." And this hesitancy to engage in small talk is yet another of the traits introverts who have a hard time finding love usually have.
People with introverted personalities need time to get to know a friend or a partner and won't engage in discussion with them unless they are close. The conversations with them are never shallow, which is why going out on a date and having small talk freaks them out.
6. They put a lot of thought into their responses
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Introverted people need more time to respond because they think about their answers first. Taking the right solution is very important for them, and they want enough time to do this without feeling rushed.
Because people with introverted personalities are slow to reply, the person they date could decide they are cold or reserved, but this is not the case. Introverts simply need more time to open up.
7. They need to recharge their energy consistently
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One of the major traits introverts who have a hard time finding love usually have is the necessity to "recharge their battery," so to speak. Introverts need more time than the average person to recharge their energy, especially after being in social situations for a long period of time. They usually spend one or two days at home after a night out or a social event with friends
And when it comes to meeting new people or dating someone they barely know, the time for recharging doubles. According to psychology professor Colin DeYoung, extroverts "have a more active dopamine reward system." Because of this, they can tolerate the loss of energy that results from socialization.
8. They feel insecure in some situations
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Of all the traits introverts who have a hard time finding love usually have, their high level of insecurity in some situations is the most upsetting. Certain circumstances might make an introvert feel insecure, which is why they tend to avoid all kinds of situations that make them doubt their confidence.
Research published in Frontiers in Psychology found that extroverts use their social skills to communicate with others, which may "encourage them to engage more in social activities," while "introverts may feel insecure and lack acceptance."
9. They find it difficult to hold a conversation
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Introverts overanalyze everything and because of this, it's incredibly difficult to have a conversation, especially on topics they aren't interested in. They search for the perfect answers, which means long pauses when they talk.
Unfortunately, people who date them might feel uncomfortable because of this. Where someone with an extroverted personality finds it easy to connect on even a basic level, introverts struggle to do the same.
10. They have trouble expressing themselves
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Unfortunately, people with introverted personalities find it difficult to express their emotions and the way they feel. Because of the way their brain works, where they hold everything inside, they may not be great at regulating their emotions.
That makes it very hard for others to establish a close relationship, especially in a romantic context. A potential mate won't know what's going on in their mind, because they never outright say it.
11. They tend to cancel plans
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Along with avoiding crowds and overthinking everything, introverts tend to suffer from anxiety, which can contribute to their urge to cancel plans last-minute. When they feel pressure about an important event, it's incredibly exhausting, and they may cancel, which can be annoying to a potential date.
In fact, according to a study published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, introverts tend to experience higher levels of anxiety. But no matter how difficult dating is, introverts should keep an open mind and take a deep breath.
Maria Hakki is an English teacher, writer, and translator. Her work has appeared in I Heart Intelligence, Australian National Review, and more.
