11 Things Women Complain About That Don’t Matter To Men At All
Apparently, we are worried about the wrong things. Most of the time, men just don't care.
Miljan Zivkovic / Shutterstock As women, we have been taught to seek the approval and attention of men. We do things that we believe will inspire them to treat us how we deserve to be treated. We've come up with ways to turn their heads, but we forgot to ask them what really matters. So, we go out of our way, sometimes pouring into a bottomless cup to no avail.
Ladies, we need to work smarter, not harder. The things that we see as important might not matter to men at all. We make a big deal about them and try to force our way of being onto our male counterparts, only to be met with more and more pushback. There are particular things that we complain about, but men really don't care, so we should take note and change strategies.
Here are 11 things women complain about that don't matter to men
1. That he doesn't pick up on your subtle hints
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We expect men to read between the lines and understand our deepest emotions. Instead of being direct with our communication, we drop subtle hints and fully expect them to pick up on them. But men are not mind readers. They need you to say exactly what's on your mind and skip the drama that you are sure to engage in because they didn't just know.
As women, we may feel as if we are clearly signaling something, but it will go right over our men's heads. You're in the midst of a silent emotional meltdown, and he's plugging along without a care in the world. If we want to be better understood, our communication with our other halves should be straightforward and concise. That'll lead to much better outcomes.
2. How he engages with you on social media
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Every couple has had the dreaded social media conversation. You put up a meaningful post about him, and he either didn't respond or gave a lackluster like. You expected him to hop on your thread and pour out his heart about the amazing woman that you are for the world to see. Then he doesn't, and you worry that everyone will assume that man does not really like you at all.
Don't get me wrong. There are men who like to stay mysterious about their relationship status on social media in order to give the impression that they are single and free to mingle. But many men simply don't see the point in addressing their woman on social media when he has open access to her in real life. He might think it's corny to need validation from others, and strongly believes that what he is providing you in the 3-D is enough.
3. That he didn't get excited about what you have on
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You pick up a form-fitting new dress that really accentuates your curves. You can't want to see your man's eyes pop out of his head when he sees you. But when you walk into the room, he greets you in his normal way, with a no-look "hello" and fails to notice the effort you've put in for him. Now you're upset and wondering if he is even attracted to you at all.
This is a common frustration, but an unnecessary one. That man sees your latest fashion choice the same way he sees the rest of them, as one and the same. If he is already attracted to you, you can buy fifty new dresses and he won't care. On the other hand, if he is not attracted to you, all the new outfits in the world won't change his mind. Changes in appearance have to be extremely obvious for your man to notice.
4. That he doesn't monitor his tone of voice when speaking to you
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Speaking for myself, I am super sensitive to how a man talks to me. I don't just hear the words. I listen to inflections in his tone of voice and look for nonverbal cues. If he is loud and aggressive-sounding, I assume he is angry. If his voice is soft and measured, I assume empathy and compassion are a part of the conversation.
Men tend to focus on the content rather than the how they speak. They are more worried about what was said than how it was said. Your man might view your objections to how he is talking to you as you policing his tone, dismissing or discounting what he has to say because you don't like the way he chose to say it.
5. That he didn't read every word of your long, emotional text
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I'm not going to lie. Throughout my marriage and in the aftermath of my divorce, I was the queen of long, drawn-out, over-the-top emotional texts. I wanted him to know exactly how he made me feel and how much damage he had done. Then, when I didn't get the response I expected, I would become more incensed, refusing to learn the lesson, and write a whole book via text.
That's inefficient and a waste of your time and energy. Men prefer brevity in communication, meaning they really don't want to read all that and want us to get to the point. But healing means that you realize it is unnecessary to belabor your point via text. A quick, concise message will suffice. He knows what you're asking for, and if he wanted to give it, he would. Rest your thumbs, ladies.
6. That he paid no attention when you gave him the silent treatment
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Every woman has folded her arms across her chest, stuck out her bottom lip, and pouted about a man's actions. You sat silently, waiting for him to notice that you were not speaking to him. But he seemed completely oblivious, going about his day with a smile, maybe even happy you were being quiet instead of writing him a novel via text and having an emotional conversation.
Men welcome peace and quiet, so it defeats the entire purpose of trying to punish him with the silent treatment. You just did that man a favor and shut up, sis. He thinks life is good and all of your problems have been laid to rest because you're not saying anything. Not to mention that the silent treatment is toxic and abusive. It's 2025, girl. We are saying exactly how we feel and what we need. Either he's with it or he's not. Either way, we will survive.
7. That he doesn't care how you decorate the home
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Is the house clean? Is everything in working order? Do you have the bare necessities? Cool. Men don't care about all the frills and gimmicks. They value function over aesthetics, so your pillow arrangements and seasonal decorations that you put so much thought into truly do not matter to him.
If you expect your man to jump with joy because you replaced the centerpiece on the coffee table, you are about to be sorely disappointed. That's the bad news. The good news is that since he really doesn't care, you have carte blanche over the ambiance of your home. You can add whatever makes you feel happy about being there, and he won't raise an eyebrow because it does not matter to him.
8. That he forgets anniversaries and other meaningful dates
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My partner couldn't remember his mom's birthday. So, why on earth did I expect him to remember our six collective kids, or the first day we met? Women tend to remember every single relationship milestone, marking it on their mental calendar and placing unspoken expectations on their partners.
Men usually don't track these moments, and it's not because they don't care. Their memories do not operate in the same ways that ours do. They tend to have a head-over-heart perspective, while we unfortunately have a tendency to wear our hearts on our sleeves. This is also due to differences in cognitive function and emotional associations.
9. The bad vibes you are getting from other women
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You turn to your man and ask him, "Did you see how she was looking at me?" He has no idea what you are talking about and didn't notice anything off about the interaction at all. You over-explain in an attempt to force him to see things your way, but he simply did not interpret the social dynamic in the way you did.
Women are very intuitive. They sense energy from other people and have a strong sense of when something just isn't right. Men don't see it, don't care, and might even think you are overanalyzing it, insecure, or jealous. They don't want to get into the weeds about the feelings of everyone in the room. They just want to have a good time and move on.
10. How long he takes to respond to your text
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Who hasn't waited impatiently for someone to text back, and it took hours? You wonder what could possibly be more important than responding to you. Has he lost interest? Does someone else have his attention? Meanwhile, he is at work, slammed with meetings, and unable to get to his phone. So, you let your mind travel down the rabbit hole of worry until he calls with a valid excuse.
There are two ways of seeing this. If you have a man who is always attached to his phone except for the times you text, something might be afoot. He responds to everyone else without delay, but always has a different priority when it comes to you. Then there are the men who are legitimately busy, forgetful, or didn't see the sense of urgency. The latter might be a problem.
11. His lack of concern for how organized the closet is
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I don't know about you, but sometimes I just stand in my closet and look around at the organization. The hanging clothes are all color-coded by type of garment. The purses are perfectly placed in individual compartments like a display in a store, and the shoes are neatly laid out for easy selection and aesthetics. Then I see a pair of size 10.5 men's shoes lying haphazardly in the middle of the floor.
That's enough to throw off my whole wardrobing experience. Why on earth would anyone disturb such a beautiful space? It's unfathomable! But seriously, men are functional creatures. They really don't care about your closet's Dewey Decimal System. They want quick access to the clothing items they need without having to search and disrupt their daily routine.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
