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You've been looking for the wrong things in all the wrong places.
By Keya Murthy, M.S., C.Ht. — Written on May 18, 2022
Most anthropologists will say that the DNA of Homo sapiens is not wired for monogamy. Yet society and religions expect their members to engage in monogamy.
People swear to be devoted to their relationship on paper, but their eyes wander and they imagine, visualize and dream.
Often, that relationship ends and another one begins which lasts for a while. In each one, people commit to be faithful.
This is called serial monogamy and it is different from dating or other types of serious relationships.
Technically, serial monogamy is the practice of engaging in a succession of monogamous romantic relationships. It's when a person is always in a relationship and rarely single, but the relationship they are in changes frequently.
The moment a relationship ends, he’s on to the next one. It's almost like a person is ready for the next relationship before the previous one ended.
Why is a platonic relationship better than serial monogamy?
There are costs to this change in these ever-changing relationships. The cost is financial, emotional, mental, and physical.
If there are kids, it's even more complicated. But, even if you have no kids, maybe you have to separate your finances, objects of affection like pets, collectibles, etc.
Even if you don't have that, there’s mental and emotional space that is occupied by your ex, isn’t it?
What if you could avoid all headaches, heartaches, and what-ifs, while still having a partner in your life to support you?
Platonic Friendships
Growing up, you had brothers, sisters, cousins, and friends from the neighborhood that you hung out with.
Some relationships were casual and some were intimate. There was always one kid with whom you felt closer. You grew up and went separate ways but still stayed friends. It wasn’t romantic, yet there was love.
That’s a platonic relationship.
You can still have friends who are not a sister, a brother, a mother, an uncle, or a partner. You are friends. There’s love you share but it isn’t romantic or sexual.
Plato, the Greek philosopher, said that friends can come together and work toward a divine ideal through conversations and time spent together.
Two men, two women, and even folks of opposite gender identification could share a platonic relationship.
Why are platonic friendships better?
Platonic friendships can be between people of the same or opposite gender. It means you always have a go-to person who makes you feel relaxed and comfortable.
This relaxation feels at times better than meditation or a massage. You can be you and not worry about anything.
You feel totally accepted and you accept your friend as he or she shows up. It’s definitely a stress reducer.
When the world doesn’t feel like a safe place, you have your friend who accepts you unconditionally and also speaks the truth which you welcome. This makes you a resilient person.
When the ceiling feels like it's crumbling down, you have your friend for emotional support and, if needed, tough love.
All this helps you boost your immune system and you seriously have fewer mental health challenges. You have fewer needs for a therapist, healer or coach.
A platonic relationship can help you thrive in life.
How do you know if your relationship is platonic?
There’s an indescribable closeness. You can’t explain it but even strangers can feel it when they see the two of you together.
This is one person you never lie to, and even if you try you know you will get caught. You trust and accept each other like no one else and this gives you permission to be completely honest with each other.
You “get” each other. This goes beyond mental understanding or emotional acceptance. There’s mutual respect.
If you have a friend who makes you feel seen, heard, understood, and safe more than anything else, then you are the fortunate few to share a platonic relationship.
A platonic relationship is a two-way street.
How do you make a good thing like a platonic relationship even better?
When you have that one person in your life who makes everything seem easy, don’t take it for granted. Practice gratitude by being there for your friend as well.
The simplest thing you could do is stay in touch, if not every day, at least three to five times a week. Let them know in words and through gestures that you are there for them and that their friendship matters to you even before they do it.
E-mails, texts, voicemail, time together, and letters and gifts via snail mail — everything counts. When they need you, drop everything and show up.
If you can carry your weight, you don’t have to lean on them all the time, all though you know that you can. Isn't a better way of having love in your life that's a constant, that you are grateful for and you can always count on.
The only disclaimer is: Don't take it for granted.
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Keya Murthy, M.S., works as a Clinical Hypnotherapist, Spiritual Life Coach, and Energy Medicine Practitioner at Ventura Healing Center. She has authored eleven books and her latest book The Book On Happiness: How To Have Peace And Stability As A Working Mom is available on Amazon.