11 Personality Traits That Make It Way Harder For Introverts To Find Love

Just because you're introverted doesn't mean you still can't find love.

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By Maria Hakki

Finding love is not an easy thing for anybody. However, for introverts, it is as twice as hard.

Since they tend to close themselves off and establish contacts more rarely, dating, flirting and all other stuff related to romantic relationships is exhausting and emotionally draining for an introvert. That is why most of them avoid dating.

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Here are 11 personality traits that make it way harder for introverts to find love:

1. Mood swings

Introverts’ moods change very often. This is usually caused by the fact they tend to overthink all situations, and this might make them nervous. These people need to be in the right mood to go on a date at all.

What is more, introverted women and men close themselves off and would usually keep their emotions deep inside. They wouldn’t reveal themselves to the person they are dating or having a relationship with until becoming very close to each other. That makes establishing a stable connection with an introvert more difficult.


2. Pick the people in their close circle

An introvert is selective of the people in their close circle. That is why they wouldn’t date a random somebody with whom they haven’t established a connection. Introverts need to build a closer bond with their friends or romantic partners before giving them full access to their lives.

3. Thinking is a way of life

Introverts spend quite a lot of time in their inner world. They prefer thinking to act. That is why before going on a date they would imagine thousands of possible scenarios about how things could go. And might feel afraid or insecure that things might not go as planned.

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4. Avoid crowds

Men and women who are introverts don’t stand crowds. They would do everything not to fall into a situation where there are more than a few people around. Unfortunately, most first dates take place in restaurants, movie theatres, bars, and other venues with lots of people around. Parties, clubs, and concert halls make introverts uncomfortable. So, they would prefer to stay at home rather than going out and visiting a social event.


5. Small talks are redundant

Introverts don’t like small talk. They think empty conversations are redundant. People with introverted personalities need time to get to know a friend or a partner and wouldn’t engage in discussion with them unless they are close to the person. The conversations with them are never shallow. That’s why going out on a date and having small talk freaks introverts out. So, they often try avoiding such contacts.

6. Need more time to answer

These people need more time to respond because they should think about their answers first. Taking the right solution is very important for an introvert, and they want enough time for doing this. Because men and women with introverted personalities are slow to reply, the person they are on a date with could decide that they are cold or reserved. But this is not the case. Introverts need more time to open up.

7. Recharging their energy is crucial

Introverts need more time to regain their energy. That is why they would usually spend one or two days at home after a night out at a club or after partying with friends And when it comes to meeting with new people or dating someone they barely know the time for “recharging” doubles.

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8. Some situations make them insecure

Circumstances might make an introvert feel insecure. That is why they would try to avoid all kinds of situations that could doubt their self-confidence.

9. Search for the best response

Introverts overanalyze everything. They search for the perfect answers, and this makes it difficult to maintain a conversation. Sometimes introverts make long pauses before they answer back. People who date them might feel uncomfortable because of these specific traits of introverts’ character.

10. Have difficulty expressing themselves

Unfortunately, people with introverted personalities find it difficult to express their emotions and the way they feel. That makes it very hard for others to establish a close relationship. Friends or partners never know what is going on in an introvert’s head.

11. Tendency to cancel plans

People with introverted characters could suffer from anxiety as well. So if an introvert feels under pressure about an important event they might have a panic attack. And might need to cancel their plans. That is something that is not in their control.


Finally, it is important to say that no matter how difficult dating or loving introverts is there are amazing people among them who are worth the effort.

We shouldn’t forget that although they close themselves off, introverts are also people who crave love and affection.

So, if you are an extrovert and your boyfriend or girlfriend is an introvert, try to be patient and empathic regarding their personality. Give them the time they need to open up to you. And never forget that introverts can feel strong love too.


And a tip for introverts who want to find a partner: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi

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Maria Hakki is a writer and translator. She has been featured in I Heart Intelligence, Australian National Review, and more.