9 Marriage Rituals That Seem Small But Significantly Boost Happiness, According To Psychology
Small things you can do today to greatly improve your relationship.
Jacob Lund | Shutterstock Choosing to do one little positive thing may not seem like a lot at the time in the scope of a relationship. Yet, each time we intentionally make a positive action, it adds up. A small gesture of kindness can bring you and your partner closer, while a negative interaction can create resentment.
A study from The American Psychological Association (APA) on cultivating relationships showed that all relationships are made up of a series of rituals. These rituals are often seemingly inconsequential actions or behaviors that can significantly affect how we relate to one another in the long term. Small acts of gratitude, compassion, and emotional expression can lead to positive changes in the ways people approach, engage, and behave in a relationship.
Here are 9 marriage rituals that seem small but significantly boost happiness, according to psychology:
1. Give each other gifts
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Whenever I see something that reminds me of my husband, I try to purchase it. It could be something like a bottle of his favorite soda or a pack of wintergreen gum.
These may be small tokens, but they show I was thinking about him, and I am grateful to see a smile on his face after I’ve had a long day. Research from the APA showed that "felt and expressed gratitude both significantly relate to marital satisfaction."
2. Ask, 'How are you doing?'
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I try to ask my husband at least every couple of days how he’s doing. I want him to know I care about him and how he’s doing. Sometimes I forget to share how I am doing emotionally unless I’m explicitly asked.
Emotions play a critical role in bonding a couple, and emotional expression in the moment can influence the dynamics of the relationship far into the future, explained a study from the APA. By asking how your partner is doing regularly, you open a window into the emotional interdependence of your daily experiences.
3. Exercise together
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There’s something about getting all sweaty with your clothes still on. Even if my husband’s lifting weights on one side of the gym and I’m on the treadmill near the paper towels and sanitary wipes, it’s nice when we go together.
It’s nice kissing each other before we split off, and it’s nice when he comes to find me when he’s done lifting, and it’s time to go.
4. Ask for help
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I have good grip strength. I rarely encounter a jar I can’t open. Doesn’t matter. I often ask my husband to open jars for me. Do you know why? Because he likes helping.
It makes him feel useful, and even though I’m not a "damsel in distress," it feels a little nice being cared for by my partner.
5. Say 'thank you'
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My husband does the laundry in our house. I do the dishes. We have a fairly equitable home, but just because we each contribute in our way doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve a thank you.
You know what? I hate folding laundry. I think my husband is an angel for folding laundry, so whenever it occurs to me, I thank him for doing it and anything else that he does that I think is awesome.
It’s nice when someone you love thanks you for the little things you do, right? And this is backed up by a series of studies from The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology investigating the power that saying 'thank you' has on relationship satisfaction and commitment.
6. Leave notes
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My husband uses a day planner to keep his work life organized. It’s this large leather binder that he opens up every night, reviews what he’s doing the next day, and makes sure to add things to his to-do list that he didn’t get to that day.
When I want to leave him a sweet note, I put it in his day planner some number of days in the future. It could say something as simple as "I love you so much!" or, if you want to kill two birds with one stone, "Thanks for doing the laundry!"
A 2012 APA study showed that "people who are more appreciative of their partners report being more responsive to their partners' needs and are more committed and more likely to remain in their relationships over time."
7. Take turns
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My husband loves superhero movies. The overused primary colors and characters dressed in capes. Evil vs. good. I, on the other hand, really dig rom-coms. I want a know-it-all gal who ends up falling in love with the slightly awful, but also "deeply sensitive" guy.
We both have our guilty pleasures, so it’s nice that we take turns to show we respect each other’s interests. Yes, I’ll suffer through an episode of The Flash tonight, but tomorrow, he’s on deck to moan through an episode of Love Island.
8. Create rituals/traditions together
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Every Friday night, my husband and I order pizza and watch a movie at home. At the end of a long week, I love knowing I can change into pajamas, fire up Netflix, and shovel pizza into my mouth next to my beloved.
We have other rituals and traditions we’ve created, like how we approach certain holidays. I love our Friday night pizza date is every week, so we never lose out on special time together. A 2012 study demonstrated that "marital confidence was associated with how much time husbands and wives spent together."
9. Reminisce
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I love having a good "Do you remember our first date/kiss/etc?" session with my husband. It reminds me of when he saw me for the first time and I looked way better than my photos, when I grabbed his collar at the end of our date and laid one on him, when we fell in love.
Reminiscing allows us to relive all of the initial excitement. It allows us to continue to build on and shape our shared history. Sometimes, by going back over these old stories, we discover new things we had left out previously. Either way, it reminds us we’re in love and helps keep us in love.
Tara Blair Ball is a certified relationship coach, podcast co-host, and author of three books.
