5 Phrases Deeply Unhappy Husbands Use On A Regular Basis, According To Experts
The phrases husbands use when he's checked out but still responding.
Guillaume Issaly | Unsplash "Super callous, fragile ego, how can he be like this?" Emotionally disconnected, growing contempt, and not bothered to argue anymore — when your husband's general attitude has slid, his communication often becomes less than ideal.
"Let me be honest, you don't understand, forget it, yes dear, I can't please you," are indications that a husband is not so pleased with life, his marriage, and himself. These phrases serve as warnings of potential unhealthy future behaviors that could harm the marriage permanently. So if you hear him start using phrases often, it is time to focus on building better communication and understanding in your marriage — because it's on thin ice.
Here are 5 phrases deeply unhappy husbands use regularly, according to experts:
1. 'You don't understand'
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Deeply unhappy husbands often felt misunderstood by their wives, suggests divorce attorney Jennifer Hargrave. Projecting the lack of understanding onto his spouse often indicates that the husband doesn't know how to build a relationship of deep connection. The lack of connection with his spouse can lead him to unhealthy patterns of behavior, such as avoiding his wife, seeking affection outside of the marriage, and expressing anger that can build into contempt.
Studies on the characteristics and social functions of anger and contempt showed that "anger is characterized more by short-term attack responses but long-term reconciliation, whereas contempt is characterized by rejection and social exclusion of the other person, both in the short-term and in the long-term."
2. 'Let me be honest'
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When a deeply unhappy husband utters this phrase, cautions marriage coach Susan Allan, it proves that honesty is not their go-to behavior. In this scenario, it's because they don't feel safe to tell the truth because of the reaction they may receive from their partner, based on the husband's lack of communication skills.
Successful communication requires skills and practice, and for shy people, venturing into the shark-infested waters of a conversation may seem terrifying. They need encouragement, yet it may be exhausting to coax them to express any opinion.
3. 'Yes, of course, dear'
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Therapist Gloria Brame, Ph.D., explains that these common phrases can be used in lovely and sincere ways, or harmful ones! The harmful kind makes a man sound like an agreeable husband, but inside, he's building up dangerous levels of resentment while maintaining a "good husband" facade. In other words, he's using fake compliance as a passive-aggressive power play. Secretly, he's smirking to himself that he has her fooled.
Instead of the happy husband he pretends to be, he feels trapped by relationship expectations he never fully signed up for. Maybe he resents that their intimacy isn't what he wants, perhaps he's angry about how much money she spends, or aggravated that he has to do household chores when he's the primary breadwinner.
Rather than confronting these issues directly and admitting to his true feelings, he avoids conflict. Instead, his "of course, dear" really means, "I'm the better person for putting up with your problems!"
The passive-aggressive compliance gives him a sense of superiority. He is more moral, more intelligent, and a better person than she. He is also extremely unhappy! He just doesn't see a way out — yet.
4. 'Forget it, it doesn’t matter'
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Couples counselor Larry Michel points out how this phrase likely demonstrates emotional detachment and resignation, which may point to deeper feelings of futility or disconnection in the relationship. And it also can quite simply mean that it does not matter to them.
Whatever the issue or subject, it was scarcely important enough to require a mention. He has already moved on. He knows happiness is far more important.
5. 'I can't ever seem to please you'
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One of the things a man loves to do is find ways to make his wife happy, explains astrologer and editor Aria Gmitter. He delights in discovering new experiences to see her smile. He loves it when she finds joy in the simple things.
When she grows more complex, he recognizes the challenge. Being able to make her laugh or feel at ease, including solving problems, makes him feel even more like he's her partner, friend, and a soft place to land.
However, a relationship can reach a point of familiarity where he feels like his wife is overly critical or too challenging to please, and he might try different things to make it work. But there comes a point where the relationship goes off course.
"You're always difficult. I can't ever seem to please you; nothing I say or do ever makes you happy." When he says this, he feels rejected. His heart is broken. He senses failure, and he's ashamed.
He might sound angry, but deep down inside, he's numb. His words are an alarm going off, and when those words are repeated, they indicate a danger zone that deteriorates quickly.
He will turn to work, friends, and possibly other relationships that make him feel accomplished. A man telling his wife that she can't be pleased is not the start of an emotional divorce. It's a final statement. It's his flag of surrender, and he's checked out of the relationship.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
