11 Little Clues That Reveal A Man Secretly Feels Like A Failure At Home
Men who feel like they can't do anything right at home will often act out in subtle ways.
Dean Drobot / Shutterstock Many men hide their emotions from their family, sometimes without even realizing it. From minor issues like a bad day to more significant ones like dealing with depression, a man will often struggle in silence, not wanting to burden their partner.
That being said, there are likely to be little clues you will notice that reveal a man secretly feels like a failure at home. Believe it or not, it's perfectly normal to feel this way from time to time. There are times when anyone might feel like no matter what they do, their efforts aren't good enough. But while their feelings are valid, men make things even harder for themselves by hiding these intense insecurities and choosing to remain silent instead.
Here are 11 little clues that reveal a man secretly feels like a failure at home
1. He stays at work longer than necessary
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The first little clue that reveals a man secretly feels like a failure at home is if he stays at work longer than necessary. There will always be a time when coming home is unavoidable, whether it's a long meeting that delays them or an assignment that took longer than expected. Still, if a man is constantly coming home late, it's probably because he doesn't feel welcome or happy at home. From issues with his marriage to feeling like he's failing, men will distract themselves with work if it means avoiding those tough conversations when it comes to their emotions.
As psychotherapist Avrum Weiss, Ph.D., explained, "Men are often less emotionally fluent than their female partners because our culture stereotypically considers the world of emotions as feminine."
Without realizing it, men hurt themselves and their families the more they shut down. So, even if it's hard, say what's on your mind. Otherwise, these intense feelings will only multiply, making things worse.
2. He withdraws emotionally
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A man who's truly happy at home will never withdraw emotionally and become detached. Even if a man isn't emotionally expressive, there will almost always be a clue that he's comfortable and happy at home. Yet, a little clue that reveals a man secretly feels like a failure at home is if he withdraws emotionally.
From shrugging off his partner to shutting down mid-conversation, a man who's at his wits' end will avoid emotions like the plague. Even if it slowly destroys his mental health, he'd rather isolate himself than admit that his confidence levels are at an all-time low.
Is it the healthiest coping mechanism out there? Of course not. But when push comes to shove and a man no longer feels useful to those he loves most, he'd rather keep it to himself than burden those around him.
3. He gets irritated over minor inconveniences
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In an ideal world, there would be no such thing as minor inconveniences. From the perfect job to the ideal family, most people aim to create as peaceful and stress-free an environment as possible. Unfortunately for them, life doesn't work that way, and because of this, a little clue that reveals a man secretly feels like a failure at home is his getting irritated over minor inconveniences.
True, minor inconveniences suck, as most people hate the unknown. As a matter of fact, it's this exact fear of the unknown that contributes to anxiety, according to a study published in the Journal of Anxiety Disorders. Still, just because this is a normal human feeling, it doesn't mean snapping at every little thing is acceptable.
In the end, life is bound to be unpredictable, so if a man can't handle that, there's likely something more going on that he isn't talking about.
4. He avoids talking about finances
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In life, every couple is bound to have uncomfortable conversations about finances. Whether it's budgeting or figuring out how to make ends meet, these conversations are necessary to keep the household running smoothly. However, a little clue that reveals a man secretly feels like a failure at home is if he avoids discussing finances.
It isn't the most practical thing out there, but many men who feel like failures at home hate talking about their finances. Maybe it's because they feel like they aren't doing enough, but talking about finances can quickly become a sore spot. Still, just because it's a sore spot doesn't mean they should avoid it completely.
As uncomfortable as it may be, discussing finances is an everyday part of life. This is why it's important to always be upfront and honest, rather than hiding your emotions. Even if it's uncomfortable, sometimes a little bit of reassurance is enough.
5. He makes fun of himself constantly
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There's nothing wrong with a bit of teasing from time to time. From sly jokes to dad jokes, humor is a medicine that keeps on giving. Humor is related to reducing pain and loneliness, as well as increasing life satisfaction.
That being said, a little clue that reveals a man secretly feels like a failure at home is if he makes fun of himself constantly. While there's nothing wrong with joking around, making fun of oneself every day can become a bit toxic. Even if he feels like he's just joking, repeating the same jokes and criticisms might reveal an insecurity he has yet to address.
And while he might not feel comfortable telling others, it might help to do some self-reflection. Even if it's something small like asking, "Is this something that truly bothers me," getting to the bottom of things might help a man figure out why he feels like a failure at home.
6. He seeks distractions
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Another little clue that reveals a man secretly feels like a failure at home is if he finds things to distract him. Whether it's video games or going out with the boys, a man will always find a way to distract himself when he's feeling the most insecure about himself.
It isn't the healthiest thing out there, but they just can't help themselves. Many men are taught that talking about their emotions, let alone their insecurities, is a sign of weakness. So, even if it's toxic, most men would rather stay silent than ever say, "I've been feeling like a failure at home."
7. He looks for validation outside the home
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Now, some men take their feelings of insecurity to the extreme. What was once using video games as a distraction has now turned into seeking attention elsewhere. It's hurtful, but a little clue that reveals a man secretly feels like a failure at home is if he looks for validation outside the home.
There's no worse feeling than having your trust betrayed. And while there are plenty of women who cheat, according to the Institute of Family Studies, 20% of men are likely to cheat. Is this okay? No, but it isn't all that shocking.
Men aren't taught to express themselves, and because of that, they direct their insecurities elsewhere. Even if it's a friendship, refusing to discuss how they feel will eventually catch up to them, as their feelings of failure will never go away unless they address them head-on.
8. He struggles to celebrate wins
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Many men aren't keen on celebrating. Perhaps it's because they're very relaxed or because they feel like they haven't done anything to deserve it, but a subtle clue that reveals a man secretly feels like a failure at home is if he struggles to celebrate his wins.
When a man feels like he can't do anything right, he automatically doesn't acknowledge when he succeeds. Seeing it as the bare minimum, he brushes off that promotion because it's not enough anyway. And while many men may feel this way, it's important to acknowledge those small wins.
Even if you don't feel proud of yourself, having those around you who uplift and reassure you can give you the confidence you need to feel more useful at home.
9. He downplays his role in the family
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A truly unconfident man will always downplay himself. Even if he's an exceptional father, a little clue that reveals a man secretly feels like a failure at home is if he downplays his role in the family. Men: know that you're enough. Even if it doesn't always feel that way, if you're doing what you can and are always helping, you're more than enough.
And while men might downplay their role and pretend they aren't important, the truth is that men are irreplaceable in families. According to a 2011 study, fathers are a significant resource for children and make substantial contributions to healthy childhood development.
That being said, it's hard work to be a good dad or husband. Sometimes, it might even feel like they never catch a break. However, if a man is doing everything and more to take care of his family, please know that those efforts are not unnoticed.
10. He gets defensive over harmless questions
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Defensiveness is just another part of the human experience. Even if people don't always mean to get defensive, a little clue that reveals a man secretly feels like a failure at home is if he gets defensive over harmless questions. While defensiveness is normal, feeling defensive 24/7 isn't.
When someone is confident in themselves, it's hard to shake their confidence or get them in defense mode. Yet, if a man feels like a failure at home, he might slowly become more defensive as the days and months progress. And while these feelings are valid, it does them well in the long run.
From constant arguments to misunderstandings, men must get a firm grip on their defensiveness if they want to keep their family lives intact.
11. He’s always thinking about the past
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Finally, a little clue that reveals a man secretly feels like a failure at home is that he's always thinking about the past. It's normal to reminisce from time to time. That being said, always reflecting on it might be a sign that a man still isn't over it. Whether it's because he misses the carefree nature he once had or the unlimited amount of confidence, a man who's stuck in the past isn't happy.
That being said, there's nothing their partner or other family members can do to help him. While being supportive is one thing, a man must get the help he needs to snap out of it. As social worker Chris Prange-Morgan, M.A., MSW, said, "Therapy has the potential to provide the gifts of self-knowledge, compassion, and commitment to growth that everyone can benefit from."
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
