If A Man's Love Has Faded, He'll Start Saying These 11 Things With A Smile
It's a subtle way to avoid the confrontation they're dreading.
DOSRPHOTOGRAPHY | Shutterstock Despite research that suggests that romantic love and passion fade faster for women than men in long-term relationships, there are still many behaviors and subtle phrases that can reveal a man’s disinterest and disengagement. If they don’t feel supported, desired, and loved, chances are they’re slowly disengaging and becoming emotionally disconnected from interactions, conversations, and arguments at home that used to be priorities.
From questions like “Do you really think I’d do that?” to phrases like “don’t worry so much,” if a man’s love has faded, he’ll start saying these things with a smile. If he doesn’t have the space or security to leave right now, it’s likely this avoidant, reassuring language that provides a bit of fleeting comfort for them at home.
If a man’s love has faded, he’ll start saying these 11 things with a smile
1. ‘Don’t worry so much’
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If a man’s lost romantic love for his partner, chances are he’ll start saying things like “don’t worry so much” to feel comfortable at home. Even if he’s doing exactly the things his partner is worried about — seeing other people, entertaining other love interests, talking badly behind their back, or simply falling out of love — he’s willing to “keep the peace” with dishonesty and false reassurance for his own sake.
Unfortunately, according to a Personal Relationships study, it’s this kind of emotional disengagement that actually crafts a “point of no return” for many couples, which feels impossible to rebuild and reconnect from. If a man’s love has faded, but he’s also lost the decency and respect to be vulnerable and communicate, chances are he’s simply relying on reassurance to carry him comfortably to a separation.
2. ‘You deserve better’
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A phrase like this, even said with a smile or in a joking manner, could be a subtle way for a man to detach from his partner when his love has faded. This kind of lead-up to separation is less dramatic and sudden than some people engage in. According to social psychologist Sara Nasserzadeh, it’s representative of a “partial exit,” where a partner detaches from a relationship on an emotional level, even if they’re still physically present.
Of course, a phrase like this is representative of that shift, but behaviors like withholding affection, avoiding quality time, or bread-crumbing intimacy can also be common if a man’s love has faded in a relationship.
3. ‘It’s not you, it’s me’
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Even though a loss of individual romantic love is often a side effect of disconnection between partners or struggles in a shared partnership, a man coping with the discomfort of expressing his fading love may say things like “it’s not you, it’s me” with a smile. It’s this misguided acceptance of accountability that may provide him with an easier detachment in a relationship, even if it leaves questions unanswered for their partners.
It’s also an admission that they’re unwilling to change. If their lost romantic love was truly completely on their shoulders, a side effect of insecurity or personal struggles, they could opt for personal change and growth rather than separation.
4. ‘I don’t want to hurt you’
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If a man’s love has faded, he’ll start saying things like “I don’t want to hurt you” with a smile as a justification for keeping his uncomfortable emotions and feelings inside.
According to a study from Emerging Adulthood, having an understanding of the reasons for a breakup and making sense of a split often leads to better personal and relational outcomes in the end. These clear conversations and explicit admissions lead to better self-esteem, psychological outcomes, and even less conflict for partners in their separation.
However, a phrase like this only leaves more ambiguity. They know they’re going to hurt you, but they cover up their true feelings with something like this that protects their comfort amid fading love.
5. ‘We’re in different places right now’
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Of course, if situations of disconnection and differing lifestyles have been communicated before, and this is the end result of work and efforts at reconnecting, chances are this is simply not your person. Maybe it’s simply not the right time.
However, if a man’s love has faded and he’s not interested in continuing the relationship, he may start saying things like “we’re in such different places right now” to ease a separation. If he were interested in coming back together and making compromises on certain things to stay together, he would. But this is largely a nudge at a breakup without having the courage to say it outright.
6. ‘I care about you so much’
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If a man’s love has faded, he’ll probably start replacing phrases like “I love you” with “I care about you,” even if his actions don’t necessarily align with these words. Of course, it’s not always easy to simply break up without offering these small concessions and making excuses for disconnection — the pain of heartbreak is severe, often influencing every aspect of our lives.
However, noticing when a man’s love has dimmed can often provide space to heal. These behaviors and their language may drag out pain to an inevitable end, but at least you have the tools to focus on yourself and seek answers before the relationship is over.
7. ‘Can we just enjoy this moment?’
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Often, a single petty argument or emotional criticism can open the floodgates to a million other issues in a relationship, especially if couples are dealing with unaddressed resentment. So, it’s not surprising that a man who’s lost love often avoids confrontation and conflict in passing moments, using a phrase like “Can we just enjoy the moment?” to cope.
If the conversation gets serious, he can no longer hide the disconnection and loss of love he’s feeling. Intimacy and connection, even in hard moments, are easier for couples with a secure attachment, but when avoidance seeps in, it brings a million more issues.
8. ‘I don’t know what I want right now’
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When a man says something like “I don’t know what I want right now,” what they likely really mean is “I don’t want you.” If a man isn’t confident and secure in his attraction and love for you, it’s not the right time — or there’s a ton of growth the two of you need together to connect again.
Of course, sometimes couples just need space to think and regulate, but if this phrase comes up constantly with no resolution, it’s probably a sign that a man has lost love completely and is looking for an easy out.
9. ‘You’re reading into things’
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Gaslighting is often a subtle way for partners to spark doubt and confusion in their spouses to protect their own comfort and interests. In this case, a man who’s lost love in a relationship may say things like “you’re reading into things” or “you’re overreacting” to make their spouse feel insecure and “crazy,” even when, in reality, it’s clear that they’re being disrespectful or disconnected.
They’re trying desperately to keep the peace at home for their own sanity, not necessarily for the health and happiness of their partners.
10. ‘We’re fine’
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Even if it seems harmless, phrases like this could be a sign of avoidance for larger issues or resentment in a relationship. It’s a self-preservation tactic for men who have lost love for their wives to cover up their disconnection and to avoid confrontation.
Communication and honesty are important for any couple, at any stage in their relationship. Of course, during a rough patch, communication habits are often what get partners to a healthy space, even if they don’t end up together. A passive phrase like this is the opposite, completely overlooking issues that need attention to be resolved.
11. ‘I’ll always love you’
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There are a million ways to love someone, both on romantic and platonic levels. A man who’s lost love for his partner may start saying things like “I’ll always love you,” even if he knows deep down that it’s not on a romantic or intimate level anymore.
Dealing with these kinds of breakups and changes can be disorienting and confusing for everyone, so it’s important to give people space. Of course, don’t tolerate manipulation or disrespect, but sometimes the truth is simple: not everyone is made to be in our lives forever.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
