Couples Who Are Deeply Connected Prioritize These 4 Types Of Physical & Emotional Intimacy
There is more than one way for humans to connect.
Jacob Lund via Shutterstock Intimacy in a romantic relationship is about feeling emotionally connected and supported by your partner, mentally and physically. You share a special and unique bond. Real intimacy involves both parties feeling safe and comfortable enough to be vulnerable with each other and trust in the relationship.
That kind of intimacy is the most important, as trust is everything. Even though some people might have a more physical understanding of intimacy, they still want someone they can trust and have a physical understanding of their partner's needs.
A simple guide to the 4 types of intimacy
1. Experiential intimacy
Experiential intimacy is all about the shared experiences, like private inside jokes or memories that have a special meaning for the two of you. The different kinds of experiences the two of you create together are what make your connection and story different from everyone else and lead to you growing closer.
The two of you can create an experiential, intimate bond that’s unique to your own experiences together. If the moment the two of you shared was intimate and memorable, the same feelings attached to that moment would be experienced again while retelling the stories. You can increase this type of intimacy by making memories together and talking more about the things in the past that the two of you might have done that you forgot about, and those feelings will come rushing back.
2. Emotional intimacy
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Emotional intimacy is all about a vulnerable, authentic, equal sharing of both parties' thoughts and feelings, and getting a similar understanding of how each other feels for each other. You’re able to share things that you might not have told anyone else, like your deep thoughts, dreams, passions, or fears, and disappointments in life. After sharing all that, you should feel seen and understood by your partner, and the same goes with them sharing with you as well. There’s no judgment or denigration, only love and understanding.
It’s all about getting to a level where the two of you know and trust each other so much that you will always be able to confide in one another. You can increase this type of intimacy by sharing one more of your hopes and dreams and random thoughts, or such, and see what the other has to say and get them to share the same with you, and the two of you can connect more by being more open and introducing more communication into the relationship.
3. Intellectual intimacy
Intellectual intimacy is about sharing the more specific beliefs and viewpoints that the two of you share or believe in separately, without worrying about conflicts or judgment. There’s a mutual understanding that the two of you can have the same or separate beliefs while making sure both of your opinions are valued.
This can be hard as things like politics and other personal beliefs can be very different, sometimes making it hard to come to an understanding. However, an intellectual intimate relationship can do this respectfully as neither partners have the belief that one is “right” over the other. Allowing thought-provoking conversations in your relationship is a way to boost your connection and both mental and physical attraction to each other.
You can increase this type of intimacy by sharing the new information you might have found out and want to talk about, or just asking them for their opinion or knowledge on a certain subject, and maybe you can learn more about something just from your partner while strengthening your intellectual intimacy at the same time!
4. Tactile intimacy
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Tactile intimacy is all about the touch and attraction between each other, even though some deem this to be the most important type of intimacy. The other three are equally important if you want a relationship to last, as you can’t just base a long-lasting relationship on physical intimacy. Physical intimacy is important as touch is a love language itself, and two people can become very aroused for each other and connected on a different level while being intimate.
It’s also important to have an intimate relationship with each other, as it’s important to know what each other likes, as well as how each other prefers to be touched. To increase this type of intimacy, you might want to try new things, explore different things that the two of you like that the other one does, and learn how far each other is willing to experiment. Maybe one partner has an idea they never talked about. It's worth a try, and if your partner doesn't like it, find something else and move on. Most importantly, make the activity fun for the two of you.
Zoe Hicks has been a therapist for over a decade. She helps couples return to working in partnership and helps individuals regain equilibrium and gain what is known as post-traumatic growth.
