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How to build that soul-deep connection.
By Rene' Schooler (KW) — Written on Jun 24, 2022
I love when my partner looks at me with a smile of appreciation and desire in his eye. That look ignites my soul and makes me feel like a queen. His queen. Like the only woman on the planet. I love that he sends me messages telling me how he misses me, that he did not want to leave me for the day.
All of this reminds me that when we find the right person, they will meet us and mirror us.
That connection is a feeling of coming home, and men and women alike crave that feeling of completion; a homecoming that our soul knows can only truly be accomplished in the union with a true partner for our lives.
It is a type of craving and desire for commitment where we want to make plans for thousands of years —because we cannot ever seem to get enough. Yes, this is rare, but it does not have to be.
What creates a foundation of a feeling of “home” that makes a man want to go deep and commit?
I am sure you have heard of the four A’s when it comes to human personality and needs in a relationship. I believe these four A’s however for men are all the more important.
The "four A's" are a key component to making a man crave you and commit to you in the way I described above.
But they are not the only components to creating that innate, soul connection. And, while you cannot force a connection like this, you can create a relationship where this type of craving and connection can thrive and grow.
With this list, I am going to show you how to do just that.
Here are 8 ways to make a man crave you deep into his soul & truly commit to you.
1. Attention
This one might seem needy to the modern woman, because we are not attracted to anyone who demands a ton of attention in our busy lives. After all, we are mothers, boss babes, mompreneurs, sisters, daughters, and besties. We have our obligations to so many, so we want support in our intimate relationship from a strong man who can take care of himself.
We want a man who needs us, yes, but he doesn't want us to coddle him.
What I refer to by the word attention doesn't refer to this emotionally immature man though, I am saying that attention means to be present. Your presence in the relationship is worth gold.
When you are together with your man, from the earliest dating moments, give him your undivided attention. Not your phone. Not the world around you. Stay present there with him in your thoughts.
Realize that all the men of your past often travel with you into your new relationships, all those that have ever let you down and scorned are yelling in your ear while you are on this date, in this moment with this great guy.
2. Affection
We need conscious (present) touch at least six times a day for mental health.
The majority of us don’t get this. We get and give touch, but we don’t actually experience positive touch that is deeply wanted — on both sides.
Instead, there is a lot of assumed touch, and this armors us up — men and women alike — making it where we believe that we don’t like it or need it.
But even the most resistant man desires affection, and a present small gesture can mean the world.
I know for me and my relationship, I am always aware as to how my body is turned. Am I turned to my man or not? Is my body language open or closed to him?
If I am too far away or something is in the way of our closeness, I move it or myself to get closer. I reach out and touch my man's foot with mine. My knee to his leg. I grab ahold of his arm with my hand and I firmly let him know that I am there, that I want him in my touch.
My touch is far more in-your-face these days than when we were just starting out, but even back then I looked for opportunities to touch him. And when we hug and kiss, just hold each other (past and present) I take a breath and slow down.
3. Appreciation
I have worked with possibly thousands of men at this point in my career and the one thing that so many divorced men have shared with me is the feeling that all their efforts in the relationship were not seen or appreciated.
They consistently felt like yeah she may have said, “thank you” — but it was mute to what was needed: appreciation, gratitude for someone thinking about the little things, for wanting to make life better, for working their butts off, and so much more.
One of the things I do with couples frequently is an "Appreciation Game" where I have each partner share appreciation for a set time frame and the other partner just sits in silence and receives. Take it in. Such a simple exercise, yet we hardly stop in our busy lives to appreciate each other. We think things but we do not communicate them.
Taking a moment here and there to acknowledge the good of our partners is a game changer. We take the time all too frequently to tell them what is wrong with them, their errors and our complaints and we believe that our complaining will get us the results we desire, when in truth, if we focus on the good we will encourage more of what we want.
It's all energy. Where attention goes, energy flows.
4. Acceptance
I cannot emphasize this one enough with all the ladies reading this article!
We women really suck at this and we should not. We should get this because what we want is acceptance, too. We want to be really seen, heard and appreciated for just who we are, not for what we do for someone or how they want us to be.
Yet, over and over again we ladies get into a commitment with a guy based on the man that we see he can become — not who he is.
Men often want for us women to never change, they fall in love with who we are right at the moment. That can sometimes be unreasonable because life enforces change, it is the one true constant, but if we get into relationship wanting our partner to be something that they are not, then we are saying, "I don’t appreciate who you are, love who you are, accept you as you are. You are not enough as you are but I will settle with the hope that you will become what I want.”
Yuck! That makes me gag. Granted, I have been guilty of this at times in the past, but if I look at my partner today and truly thought that I wanted him to be anything other than who he is, I would only be damning my relationship. I would be looking past him to create something else instead of looking at him with a heart full of amazement in how lucky I am, how grateful I am for him being the man that he is right now.
I want nothing more than this man, and although as our lives evolve and we build our future together we each will change, wanting him for who he is right now is certain.
This one thing means the universe to most men, likely because men often do not feel accepted in life. Our societal evolution has stolen from the masculine a rite of passage and our men are lost in our world because they are condemned by their natural primal nature and desires and told that they are not healthy nor good.
When we queens look at our men with total acceptance and tell them how we see them, feel them and appreciate them, their armored masculine hearts melt into love.
Beyond the four A's, the other major contributing factors to get a man to crave and commit are:
5. Respect
A lack of respect is what makes the majority of relationships fall apart and not be able to go the distance.
Often, things from our past or our current lives, separate from our partners, create a disrespect. The only way that we can establish respect (when it is not already there) in some area is to address it head-on.
If our partner is doing something that hinders our ability to respect them fully, we must come out to them about it and request for a behavior change and share what is coming up for us around it.
Remember that each individual in the relationship has a right to ask for what they need in the relationship. Once requested, it is up to the other as to what they will do with the request and how to best serve themselves and the relationship.
No matter what the response is, we then are given the option to either accept our partner's choice or to walk away. If the behavior change that we are asking to be shifted is non-negotiable to us, then we have to understand that and do what is right for us. Thus, right for the relationship.
The only way we can ever respect another is to first respect ourselves, our boundaries and our needs.
6. Emotional Maturity
I have been preaching a lot about this lately because it is vitality important. The reality is that the majority of men and women alike lack emotional maturity.
Being an adult in our relationships and in life is incredibly attractive! In order to become emotionally mature, one must apply daily focus on self-growth, love and evolution.
Wanting to take responsibility for their own feelings, emotions, actions and life is incredibly important — and very attractive to men.
7. Variety
Can you imagine eating at the same restaurant every day, three times a day for the rest of your life? That sounds like a miserable hamster wheel in my opinion, and life gives us enough of the hamster wheel in itself between work, responsibilities, family and such.
What we are looking for in partnership and relationship is a feeling of certainty, trust, “home” but also blended nicely with uncertainty. Men love a woman who is willing to invest herself into the relationship and help create variety. This translates to being playful, flirty, and spontaneous.
Be willing and wanting to explore new things together both inside and outside your home, and even take it upon yourself to initiate something new or set up an adventure date.
Don’t always demand that he lead on everything. Men are oftern attracted to and appreciative our creativity and forwardness as well.
8. Sovereignty
As much as he wants to be your knight in shining armor and save you, he also wants to know that you can carry yourself and have his back all in the same. He adores, respects and craves the woman who takes responsibility for her own happiness, emotions and life but chooses to have him by her side and build a life together.
The right man does not want you to give your power away to him but wants to lift you up so you can fly higher.
An emotionally mature man knows that this means that you do not need him to feel worthy, loved or happy and he does not need you for that either. Two complete and strong individuals who have chosen to unite and become stronger in their home with each other.
9. Exude Radiance
Yesterday I was having a crappy day. I felt pathetic and useless. I did not feel radiant and strong, yet my partner grabbed me in one moment, looked at me with his tender loving penetrative look and smiled.
I asked what he was smiling at and he responded, “You are glowing. Even though you are not happy today, you are still glowing.”
Radiance is in our energy. It encompasses all of our being and it even shines through on gloomy days. A woman who is truly radiant is so because even on bad days she is aligned to her soul. She accepts and loves herself and knows that all of her and her emotions are perfect. Her heart leads her and her man can see this in her actual energy. Her eyes, smile, hair, walk, the way she moves and breathes.
This type of radiance connects with a man at a deep, primal level and makes him want her all the more. So stop letting your energy be benign and bland.
Getting a man to crave you and commit truly just means that you have come fully into who you are and aligned to your soul.
You trust your heart. You receive yourself in all your messiness and glory and are not afraid to say no to any relationship that does not match who you are at your core just to settle for not being alone.
That soulmate man of yours is looking for all the same that you are and if you want him to find you and reveal himself then it is up to you to do the same for yourself first.
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Rene' Schooler (A.K.A Kendal Williams) is a highly-trained leading intimacy and relationship expert coach who works with singles and couples worldwide. She has been featured on LifeTime TV - Married at First Sight and has co-authored the books 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Health with Dr. Mercola and Building Foundations for Change with Brian Tracy and John Assaraf among others. Learn more about her services by visiting her website.
This article was originally published at KW Coaching & Integration. Reprinted with permission from the author.