8 Core Experiences That Turn A 'Meh' Marriage Into A Magical One
When you've been married a while, it's important to shift from the day-to-day mundanities to real love.
Andrii Nekrasov | Canva When it comes to romance, it’s easy to confuse fantasy with reality. The truth is, despite what you may see in the movies, marriages are rarely a full-time fairy tale. That said, it is important to maintain romance in a marriage.
If date nights with your spouse no longer feel special and traditional romantic events have lost their magic, then it's time to do something about it. Dealing with a less-than-romantic marriage is frustrating, especially if you’re still fighting to keep the love alive.
Here are 8 core experiences that turn a 'meh' marriage into a magical one:
1. Set realistic expectations
Most of us are dreamers who like to see sweeping possibilities when it comes to romance. This is where the trouble lies. If you have a habit of creating unrealistic expectations for your spouse, then you’re going to feel let down when those expectations aren’t met.
As much as it would be great to have them surprise you, it’s not a practical expectation. What’s worse is when they do try to express their romantic side, their gestures will seem minuscule in comparison because your expectations were too high.
Setting realistic expectations begins with you. Before you get your hopes up or wish for a romantic spectacle, consider how practical you’re being. If your spouse has lost their romantic touch completely, then let them know that it's important to you that they make an effort.
This doesn’t mean waving your phone in their face to show them how great someone else’s relationship is, but rather talking to them about the issue.
Make a point to stop comparing your relationship to other couples. Some folks are naturally romantic, but that doesn’t mean their marriage is perfect. Every marriage has its challenges to overcome, so don’t assume everyone has it better than you.
2. Understand they may express love differently than you
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Everyone has their way of expressing love, and getting to know your spouse is key to understanding their romantic side.
To learn each other’s love language, you must share the kinds of things you find romantic. For instance, you may think that receiving gifts from him or a night on the town together is romantic. Yet, your spouse may think romance is cleaning the bathroom together or snuggling on the couch.
Once you know your spouse's love language, you’ll better understand their perspective when it comes to romance, and you can start encouraging them to step up their game. You never know – maybe your spouse thought they were being romantic all along, and you just couldn’t see it their way.
3. Communicate what you want
Once you recognize their love language, set them up for success. To do this, identify how they are romantic in ways you appreciate, and share those ideas with them. Communication is a key ingredient in marriage, and when it comes to romance, it’s important to be upfront and honest with one another.
Think of it as a Christmas gift. When someone asks you what you’d like for Christmas and you don’t give them any gift ideas, it’s hard for them to guess a present that will make you happy and suit your needs. However, if you give them some ideas, then chances are they will give you something you’ll like.
Do the same thing with your spouse and let them know what it is you find romantic so they can play off of those ideas. A good way to do this is by sending your spouse playful texts with links to things you like, or sharing date night ideas that’d be fun to do together.
4. Show how much you love and appreciate them
As humans, we crave appreciation. It’s one of our primary reasons for doing the things we do. A little bit of appreciation goes a long way.
Always take the time to let your spouse know that you recognize his efforts and how much it means to you. When you do, they will be quick to romance you again.
5. Keep working for their affection
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Too often, married couples lose the need to make an effort to look good for their partner. When this happens, it’s a lot like saying, "We're married, I’ve already got you, so I don't have to worry about making an effort to look good for you." If you become indifferent to your appearance, your spouse may have a hard time seeing you in a romantic and exciting way.
To get your spouse to romance you, take the time to look good for them. This doesn’t mean you have to chronically diet or spend hundreds of dollars on expensive clothes. Rather, put in the effort and show your spouse you care by taking the time to look, feel, and smell good. You never know, it may give them the kick they need to get romantic.
6. Laugh with them
When the routines of day-to-day life begin to take over, it’s easy to forget that playing together is as important as working together. To help bring out your spouse's romantic side, learn how to laugh and have fun with them again. Whether it’s taking a drive through the country, going to the local zoo, or ordering a pizza, do things together that make you both feel light-hearted and content.
Hand-in-hand with laughing is flirting. Whether it’s been hours, days, months, or years since you last put on your flirtatious moves, let loose with your spouse and get frisky. Flirting is how you won each other over in the early days, so bringing those feelings back may remind him how good it feels to be romantic.
7. Create some dedicated one-on-one time
When spouses don't spend enough quality time together, they’re bound to grow apart. Make it a priority to set aside at least a few hours each week for the two of you to be alone together. Go for walks, see movies, sign up for various classes (dance, cooking, language, etc.), or go to dinner. Whatever you do, just do it the two of you.
At the same time, simply logging in hours together won't encourage your spouse's romance. What you need to do is to focus on sharing thoughts, ideas, and activities in a way that gives your spouse pleasure and draws you closer as a couple. If you want the romance, then set a tone that will entice him to act on it.
8. Tell them you love them
A great way to get the romantic side out of your spouse is by telling them how much they mean to you. Saying the words "I love you" is always a good idea, and everyone appreciates being told how much they’re cared for and cherished.
At the same time, there are other ways you can say you love them. For example, you can share your hopes, dreams, and secret thoughts with your spouse. This will make them feel closer to you and is a great way to bring out their romantic side.
You can also tell your spouse how much you love being married and talk about the qualities you enjoy most. Is it their terrific sense of humor or the way they welcome you home after a long day of work?
Married couples often spend a lot of time complaining and bickering about one another's faults, so instead of focusing on the negatives, make love the center of your conversation. It’s sure to get your spouse feeling amorous.
Brad Browning is a relationship coach and breakup expert from Vancouver, Canada. He has 10 years of experience working with couples to repair and improve relationships.
