5 Boundaries People With High-Functioning Marriages Set In Everyday Life
Establishing boundaries with love and respect is vital to any good marriage.
Gus Tu Njana | Unsplash Do you want to be happily married but have no idea what boundaries are and how and why to set them up if you want a good marriage? To understand healthy marriage boundaries, look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food, bed, and possessions. It’s where you live your life.
Marriage boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your marriage as it matures. To grow a healthy and fruitful relationship, you must have structures and boundaries to support it.
Here are five boundaries people with high-functioning marriages set in everyday life:
1. Maintaining your own life
After getting married and starting a new life with their partner, many people become less themselves. Many people take on their spouse’s friendships, hobbies, and ways of doing things.
However, people must continue being themselves when in a relationship. Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth, and if you are anything other than your true self, your marriage will never be healthy.
It is also crucial to respect yourself. You respect yourself by being yourself. When you continue to have your friends, do your hobbies, have a career you love, and have a healthy lifestyle, you wake up feeling good about yourself every day.
When you feel good about yourself, your partner will love you even more because they know you are being your true self, the self who is ambitious, smart, and willing to take risks to get what you want. So, be yourself in your relationship. A healthy married life requires it.
2. Compromising
Perfect Wave / Shutterstock
I have a client whose new husband moved into a house my client already owned. Right away, they had issues because it was her house. She wanted to do things her way, which wasn’t okay with him. Everyone must be flexible in a relationship.
Just like you would at work or with your family, it is critical to work with your partner so you can live an authentic life. The phrase "My way or the highway" has no place in any healthy marriage.
Compromise demonstrates a willingness to understand and value others' perspectives and needs, which builds trust and strengthens connections. The consensus in research is that when implemented with open communication, empathy, and a focus on mutual respect and benefit, compromise is a powerful tool for navigating everyday life, particularly in relationships, and contributes to overall well-being and satisfaction.
3. Maintaining mutual respect
One of the biggest killers of romantic love in a marriage is a lack of respect and contempt. The saying, "familiarity breeds contempt," is accurate and has happened in many marriages.
It is vital in every relationship to respect each other. You respect each other by speaking to each other honestly and sharing your feelings and needs openly, by not attacking each other personally and criticizing each other’s behaviors and actions.
Furthermore, it’s crucial not to criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule is don't tell something about your partner to anyone whom your partner hasn’t already told. Be sure to treat each other with respect inside and outside the relationship.
Mutual respect is the bedrock upon which strong and lasting relationships are built. When individuals feel valued and appreciated by others, a sense of trust and security flourishes, allowing for vulnerability and genuine connection. Research shows that societies where mutual respect is the norm are generally more cohesive, collaborative, and empathetic, fostering inclusivity and reducing societal fractures.
4. Not giving up your power
At some point in many marriages, one person begins calling the shots. While this seems to work on one level, ultimately, the relationship will become uneven. When power dynamics are unequal, a marriage can change.
Both partners must make an effort to keep the decision-making even and fair in their marriage. If you are good at organizing your social life, do that, but allow your partner to choose events. If they are good at managing finances, let them, but continue to give your input into where the money goes and why.
Letting your marriage’s playing field become uneven allows it to slip into a parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge, and the other does as they are told. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?
Research underscores the importance of cultivating an internal locus of control, fostering self-efficacy, and proactively managing power dynamics to lead a more fulfilling and empowered life. By developing self-awareness, seeking support when necessary, and focusing on personal growth, individuals can navigate challenges with greater resilience and a stronger sense of purpose.
5. Spending time apart
fizkes / Shutterstock
Couples want to spend every available minute together when they fall in love. The feelings of falling in love are addictive and challenging to walk away from for a short while.
It is important, however, to spend time apart from the one you love. You know the old saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." It’s true. So, spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep the spark alive.
Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC-based Certified Life Coach who works with individuals who strive to heal their toxic relationships so they can have their happily ever after. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, Psych Central, among many others.
